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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He ended it after four years today

39 replies

grapelovingweirdo · 23/12/2013 15:51

And I don't even know why:( anyone familiar with my posts will know the struggle I've had with my DP Confused

He got drunk and angry with me last night and was threatening and scary. I then left for work and got texts from him all day about what a c*nt I am and how he hates me. I'm off to my mums for Christmas but have been told to get out when I get back.

Christmas is ruined for me. I feel like my whole life is ruined Confused

OP posts:
TheNightIsDark · 23/12/2013 15:54

You're life is beginning if he speaks to you like that. A new year and a new start without a complete cunt. It may not seem like it now but he's given you an amazing christmas present.

TheNightIsDark · 23/12/2013 15:54

Your. Not you're Blush

HollaAtMeBaby · 23/12/2013 15:54

Your life starts from here. I don't know your story but it's not meant to be a struggle!

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 23/12/2013 15:55

is it his house/flat then?

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 23/12/2013 15:58

You are worth more than to be called a cunt by someone who is supposed to love you.
nobody who loves you would treat you this way.
therefore you have 'lost' someone who doesnt love you.

I know it hurts like hell but one day you will thank your lucky stars you got away.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/12/2013 16:27

Back in April he was calling you a 'useless wanker'
I know it's bad form to go back to previous threads but you were told then to get out.
This should be your best Christmas.
Get out and stay out and enjoy it.
It may not feel like it but you've had a lucky escape.
I would recommend you do the 'Freedom programme'
You can do it on line. You need to understand why you get into abusive relationships and this course will help you see things you might otherwise miss.

HissymasJumper · 23/12/2013 16:39

"I feel like my whole life is ruined"

I can tell you that, from here, it looks like he just improved your life by leaving it.

Seriously, you think it's shit, because it's a shit thing to do, but my god it needed to happen.

You need to be in a relationship where you are valued and cared for

Matildathecat · 23/12/2013 18:40

Drunk and scarey, called you a ct, he hates you. You are still calling him 'D'H?

My love, give yourself a cuddle. Stand tall and thank your lucky stars to be away from this evil man

I beg you, never contact him. Refuse his calls. Move fowards and never look back.

Nobody is saying it's easy. Like removing a rotten tooth, the pain will be worth it. There is no cure for the rot here.

( unmumsnetty hug).

ElizaCBennett · 23/12/2013 20:45

Reply to his text : thank you for the best present I could possibly want, have a nice life!

Vivacia · 23/12/2013 21:03

Is it his house then? Is there any chance you can go and get your stuff before Christmas day? I would hate having this hanging over me.

Unlikelyamazonian · 23/12/2013 21:09

Vivacia, thunderous silly advice telling the OP to go back to the house and get her stuff. Hmm

What is stuff when he might knock her lights out?

OP, stay at your mums and do anything that needs doing through a solicitor. Block his calls, texts and emails. No contact. He's a turd.

Vivacia · 23/12/2013 21:17

Apologies Amazonian, I misinterpreted the OP that she was with him last night, this morning and going bavk later this week. I didn't realise her safety was in real danger and I appreciate sometimes it's safer to leave your belongings behind. Thanks for putting me straight.

Matildathecat · 23/12/2013 21:39

And consider a namechange, you're not the weird one in this story.

scottishmummy · 23/12/2013 22:17

You get yourself together,and you do indeed leave.never it return
Don't know your backstory,but if he's so mean to you you're well shot of him
Dust yourself diwn,don't dwell and next time you date avoid men like him

offloadingthisshit · 23/12/2013 23:00

Do not even listen to that rubbish. Everything he says is actually a reflection of himself. He is the cunt and he hates himself.

Moxiegirl · 23/12/2013 23:05

He's done you a big favour! What an arsehole.

Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 24/12/2013 07:48

Thank you for your replies. I really did think him and I were going to be able to make it work. He was working really hard on himself over the last couple of weeks and so was I. I know it sounds pathetic but he has literally destroyed me. The horrible thing is, he has been telling our friends that we are over too and I don't even know why. I'm at my mums for Christmas and going back Friday. Friday is when his daughter comes, we were going to have another Christmas type thing together. I have presents for them both under the tree, he has presents for me under the tree. The pain is horrible and I don't know how I'm going to deal with it, I really don't. I have never felt so hurt, alone and scared. I have ASD which doesn't help.

OP posts:
feelingvunerable · 24/12/2013 07:54

In time you will look back and thank your lucky stars that this miserable relationship is over.

It will be hard at first so go easy on yourself. Who cares about the presents, let it go. Enjoy your time with your mum. Watch what you want to watch, catch up with friends and make some time for yourself. Also never go back to this tosser, ever.

Vivacia · 24/12/2013 08:13

It's safe for you to go back on Friday? I thought you were in danger of being physically assaulted by this man?

TheNightIsDark · 24/12/2013 08:17

Please don't go on Friday. It doesn't sound safe for you and if he kicks off then you don't want his DD seeing it. How old is she?

If he's already told all your friends it's over then he's proved he's a twat. Can you send someone built like a brick shithouse round to get your stuff?

Best of luck to you OP.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 24/12/2013 08:33

I remember your posts, I think you are better off without him :(

Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 24/12/2013 09:04

His dd is 14. It's horrible because we were going to exchange gifts and stuff on Friday. His daughter is coming and I can't get my broken heart around the fact that she's coming for Christmas and is loved and wanted. I no longer am. I have been cast out, the unloved one with no home. Pathetic, but it feels good being brutally honest about how I feel x

OP posts:
HollaAtMeBaby · 27/12/2013 11:47

How are you doing grape?

You can't really expect him to live you the way he loves his daughter, this is unreasonable in even the happiest relationships :)

Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 09/01/2014 20:04

Aggghh! So I stayed away from him four five days. He finally contacted me on Christmas Eve over 24 hours since the last text calling me a c*nt. This was 24 hours of no contact from him at all. Then he texts and we start trying to sort things out. We had a phone call on Christmas Day and things felt a little better.

The thing is, we are now living back together and I can't get over what he did. I can't handle the way I was broken up with over text, the way that I went through hell for 24 hours with no contact from him and the way that I spent Christmas Eve (a big deal in my family) crying my eyes out.

I felt like he totally destroyed me.

On New Year's Eve, his dd came to live with us full time instead of it just being every weekend. Something to do with a row with her mum.

Dp refuses to call the mum, refuses to really talk to me about what happened before Christmas and expects me to forget the whole thing and move on.

I gave up a big opportunity before Christmas to save our relationship. I gave up my morals when, after a year and a half, I found out he was still married. From her. On Facebook.

I have now given up my space, privacy and alone time with dp.

The timing could not be worse, DP and I would normally be taking it through and spending loads of time together to recapture the love and trust that was broken. We can't do that and I even dread coming home these days.

It's a mess, and I just feel such despair.

Sorry to have to lean on you all again.

OP posts:
Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 09/01/2014 20:06

He says he's going to try and sort it out wth wife in three weeks or so. I don't know if I can last that long. Just to be clear, the problem is not with sd, she's a dream child, really lovely.

It's the fact that, after being destroyed, I need time and space to heal and sort myself out. I'm not getting what I need from dp or my home right now.

OP posts: