DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves

WTAF???

He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!


Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

[neiljames77]

GlaiKitInAPearTree
At least after calling me odd earlier in the thread, you've redeemed yourself with those kind words. Thank you.

[Fairenuff]

As you have chosen to stay with him, you should be aware that any sons you have will probably copy his behaviour when they are in adult relationships and any daughters you have will probably copy yours.

Are you ok with that? You are running the risk of ruining their chances of happy, equal, respectful relationships because they don't know what that looks like.

I also agree that you should consider counselling for yourself to talk about your parents' relationship and it's impact on your own relationship and learn how to protect your poor children.

[badasahatter]

When I was in my early 20's I went out with a young man who was gorgeous, kind, generous. Then I got ill and he didn't come anywhere near. My mum, who was a fantastic judge of character,said 'you don't want a bloke who won't stay and look after you when you're poorly.'. She recognised that there would be times when I'd have illnesses and, hopefully, children, and the support of your partner is vital during this process.

We split up not long after the illness and though this chap was fabulous in so many ways, he wasn't the right man for me, and running at the first sign of trouble was one of the few ways this manifested.

My mum was right. If he won't look after you when you're sick, he's not what you need for your life long-term. What happens when you get old? What happens, God forbid, if you get proper ill? badly injured? incapacitated in some way that means he has to look after your dc and himself?? I wouldn't put up with it.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Fast forward 25 years. I think your kids would be asking you why you stayed. You'll be broken and they'll ask you why you've put up with the selfish twat all these years. I don't think they'll thank you when you tell them it was for them. It'll make them sad.

[MorrisZapp]

I wouldn't worry about missing the kids at the weekends, he won't bother his arse with them if you split.

[Fairenuff]

He doesn't bother his arse with them now!

[neiljames77]

Could your husband have taken the kids to watch football when he wasn't playing? I used to take my kids to watch the team I played for. It gave them fresh air and Mrs neiljames77 could have a lie-in in peace until lunch time on sundays.

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

you know what my family is here, (2in their 70s) I was still in my yukky pjd from last night so i asked if they mind the baby and poorly dc while i have a quick one.

Of course, off u go

Even though the baby is screaming there is no hesitation.

And yet DH last night was getting crosser and crosser with baby telling me she wont go to sleep because I have indulged her, as I was bent over the toilet bowel.

Seeing it written down its ridiculous. I am an educated professional woman. How has it come to this???

[HECTheHeraldAngelsSing]

It's the drip drip effect. That's what it is.

[Fairenuff]

It has come to this because you won't do anything about it. Sorry, but you keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. That isn't going to happen. Ever.

This is your future. This is what you have to look forward to day in, day out. This is your choice.

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

the saturday activity involves going to watch a premiership team match, sometjing my dc is absolutly mad for.
He said he would take him to watch him but hpw is that comparable?

oh DC we are not going to ... now, daddy wants some man time so we will be going to my football now. You can stand on the sidelines unsupervised in tbe rain instaed!

Im sorry that sounds arsey

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

god sorry so many typos! stupid phone!!!

I meamt to say, he is out today getting my present that he has moaned about all week. He doesnt know what to get me, (always did great presents before) I said not to bother, the fact that hes left it to the last minute speaks volumes

[bigbuttons]

This will keep happening. You will keep posting about the horrors he heaps on you and you will keep putting up with it and your children will continue to suffer.
Are you actually reading and TAKING IN any of the advice people have bothered to write?
Sorry if that's harsh. but simply pointing out all his horrible actions and then refusing to address the issue means it will just carry on and on and on.

[neiljames77]

Come on, bigbuttons. It's not like it'd be an easy decision for her is it?
You might be offering tough love but the op might just want empathy and handholding. No need to have a pop at her.

[Fairenuff]

Yeah, I think we get it now OP. Your dh is a horrible, selfish, abusive man who you will stay with and inflict on your children. We don't really need to hear any more about him.

However, if you need support to start thinking about how to extricate yourself from this situation, keep posting. Otherwise, there's not much more to be said that hasn't already been said on this thread and your last one.

[themidwife]

We have all got D&V too. Last night 4 of us were puking plus I had explosive diaorrhea & pelvic floor failure while I was chucking my guts up. DD1 didn't make it to the toilet & threw up all over the floor just after DH had been & puked his guts up after I had just got back into bed. He went & got a bowl & cleaned it all up while I comforted her. Then later DD2 who is only 4 chucked up all over herself & her bed. Again he cleaned it up, stripped her bed & remade it & changed her pyjamas while I had my head in the toilet again. There was no sighing or protests apart from a joint I want to die

He wasn't bored or lonely or resentful. And DD1 isn't even his own child!! He certainly ain't perfect but he wouldn't think twice about sharing the grim stuff!

Your husband is behaving so incredibly selfishly!

[bigbuttons]

that's why I asked the OP what she wanted from this thread. If she just wants to have moan and not have any advice then that's fair enough. If she wants to stay with him, which it seems she does then that's her business, I do feel for the dcs though.
However, it is incredibly frustrating to offer some comfort and help and be consistently ignored.
I have come out of a horribly abusive relationship. I know how hard it is, believe me.

[tobiasfunke]

I think he needs a shock. It's all about him and how pissed off he is and how hard it is for him. He wouldn't be half so bored if he'd spent last night looking after his family.
Have you had strong words with him. I would threaten to chuck him out if he doesn't man the fuck up. Honestly -Man time -pfft!

[mammadiggingdeep]

It's very very hard to call it a day. Very hard.

What you need to realise op is that it's harder to stay. He will wear you down. If you want this for the next 30-40 years, carry on doing nothing.

It's quite liberating telling a waste of space to fuck off and really meaning it. It is. You grow as a person and feel better than you have for a long time.

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

I am sorry, love. This must be so difficult to hear. I think you know we are right though x

[CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts]

he sounds selfish and you sound like a sucker

yes I understand life and circumstances make things difficult and saying LTB is a sweeping unhelpful statement which does not take into account the intricasies of actually doing so

but in your case - after SUFFERING ILL with all the children

he wants man time

I swear to shit, I would tell him to fuck off the fuck end of fucksville

[mammadiggingdeep]

Are you ok op? Are you feeling better? I really hope somebody is helping you out and you've managed to have a bit of rest x

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

OP...this christmas, speak to some of your family or friends about how you feeling. Stop pretending everything is fine, because it isn't x

[mammadiggingdeep]

Yes- being honest with somebody you trust, saying it all aloud helps you to recognise its reality. It's an important first step. X

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

You give very good advice, MDD.