DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves

WTAF???

He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!


Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

ha ha merrychristmas!!

I really really dont know what to say??????

I suggested he do it one night in the week instead of the weekend, you have to join a team you know apparently.

Oh heres the best bit... He gave up football 3 years ago because he had a bad injury which resulted in hospital time....

[GlaikitInAPearTree]

I never usually say this, but kick him the fuck out. Who the hell does he think he is. Manchild, pathetic excuse for a father.

Man time! Makes me feel sick.

Op, you are worth more than this waste of space. You worry about you splitting affecting DC1. Yet he shows no such regard for their feelings by dumping their mutual activity to go kick a ball round a muddy field and share a shower with 10 other grown men. (I like football btw, but not to the detriment of family life)

Tell someone irl, y mum, anyone. They will support you through this.

[Fairenuff]

Oh God, he's even boring me now.

< yawn >

[SouthernComforts]

I'd say pack your bags love and fuck off. that's non negotiable pal.

[Squitten]

Well you're the one choosing to put up with this OP. He treats you with contempt, has little regard for your children and sounds utterly selfish. It's only "non-negotiable" if you allow it.

When are YOU going to act?

[GlaikitInAPearTree]

MerryFuckingChristmas! Love it!!

Although may I point out all tiny dicked men are not like this

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

Has he got a tiny cock, or not. Mumsnet needs to know

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

In the interests of research, y'all

Sorry, shall say no more. The most massive twat I ever knew was more than average in that dept.

Am just wondering why he needs to make himself look like the Big I Am. It certainly reflects some massive inadequacy. Not that OP should concern herself with that.

[bigbuttons]

Op, can you say what you are hoping get from this thread? I mean that in the nicest way.
When I first realised, after many years that I was being abused by my ex, I posted here just to try and work out how acceptable or not his behaviour was.
I mean it is obvious that your h is a an abusive prick, but also that you are not ready to leave him either. What advice are you looking for?

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

i dont know what i want from the thread.
listening ears, hand holding, advise, confirmation...
sorry

[bigbuttons]

Don't be sorry.
This man is nasty. He puts you through the classic abuse cycle. You are ground down.
I am hoping that one day you will able to get you and the children out of the situation you are in.

[Fairenuff]

I can confirm that this is an abusive relationship.

I can confirm that you are potentially harming your children by staying in this abusive relationship.

However, I am aware that some women will sacrifice their childrens' wellbeing for a man.

There is a lot of help out there if you want to leave. Not so much if you want to stay.

Which is it OP? Do you want to stay in this damaging relationship, or leave it?

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

i dont really want him, im certainly not putting him in front of the dcs. I want to keep us all.together.
I dont want them away every otber weekend and I dont want them.to ha e mummy and daddy at home...

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

My parents split when I was a teen.

It was awful and Im still sad now 20 years later.

Divorce is horrible for kids

[secretsofsanta]

'Although may I point out all tiny dicked men are not like this '

Oh I see why my DH is such a teasure now. -- hung like a d

[secretsofsanta]

Donkey

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

Don't be sorry. No one is blaming you here. No one wants to add to his chorus that you are somehow to blame for his shitty behaviour.

You do have a choice though, love. I hope you make the right one very soon.

[MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO]

secret

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

In my opinion, kids seeing such poor examples of how a partnership should be does lots more damage than their mum saying "enough is enough" and showing them that women don't have to tolerate this shit for the sake of a relationship.

They won't thank you in later life when it becomes clear you stayed for more of the same shitty treatment on their behalf. That is too much responsibility for them. And you are hiding behind it, sorry.

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

Divorce is horrible but staying is worse. What kind of message are the kids getting here? The message that men rule the roost, do what they like, when they like, are able to be rude, insulting, vile and useless - all at the expense of their family.

I'd be telling him to leave and that it's non-negotiable.

Btw OP, can I kindly suggest you look into counselling for the effect that your parent's divorce had on you, because at the moment you're putting how you feel about that ahead of your kids' welfare.

[BetterWithCranberryWensleydale]

MerryFuckingChristmas speaks much sense. Staying in an emotionally abusive relationship does NOT help your children. I have never once suggested that someone LTB but it seems like the only sane option here. It's scary though so think it through. You already sound as though you do everything so not much would change there.

[doasyouwouldbedoneby]

Divorce may be horrible for the kids but so is living with parents who are unhappy and have no respect for one another.
Please do not use your Dc's as a reason not to leave.

[BetterWithCranberryWensleydale]

He actually keeps telling you that he doesn't like or want your family life together, maybe you should listen.

[bigbuttons]

OP staying with this abusive man will be far far more damaging to your children than leaving him would be.
No matter how much you think you are protecting them from the worst of his abuse, you are not. They are living with the fall out on a daily basis. They are living with a woman who is completely down beaten.
They are witnessing a dysfunctional relationship and it will become their template for their future relationships.
Please do not fool yourself over this one.
He won't want to have them every other weekend either. He is a lazy shit. He is not going to give up a weekend for the kids.

[HECTheHeraldAngelsSing]

True. 'I am unhappy but I stay for/because of you' is potentially more of a burden on a child than we realise, with the risk of them feeling like it's their fault, if only they weren't there, you would have been able to be happy, etc.

but it's easy from outside the situation to say that and to see how potentially damaging it is to a child and to their 'relationship template' but I know much more clouded by fear and misplaced guilt when you feel trapped in it and you really convince yourself that your children would be happier for you to be unhappy than not, because it wouldn't change the way their life is.

This man's done a right number on you, Malcolm. The nice bits get thrown in because it's easy (easier anyway) to leave someone who's always a bastard. But throw in a few kind words and you learn to live for them

You deserve better. And your kids deserve better than to grow up thinking he is an example of how to treat a woman.

And saying something 'for effect'? When the 'effect' is to hurt you?

Callous.