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Original poster

How to get over the (six) seven year itch?

52 replies

itchyandscratchy · 20/07/2006 21:43

Have been with dh for nearly 8 years and married for 6. We have 2 kids. He's the only long-term relationship that I've ever had that I've still fancied the person after a long while; the others have gone a bit sexless. But the other relationships I had were based on personalities and even though I didn't fancy them after a while they still stimulated me mentally and made me laugh.

Dh is gorgeous and I fancied him for ages before we got it toegther. He's doesn't fit in with previous personality types though as I'm the one who is outgoing; he's quieter & quite sensitive. We get on very well, he's a fantastic dad and our sex life is generally very good (although has tailed off a bit last month or so).

I hate myself for this at the moment but he's getting on my tits just by being himself. Familiarity is starting to breed contempt and I'm sure it's all my fault. He's done nothing wrong really but he's just irritating me and I feel myself having to bite my tongue when I hear the same old jokes and sayings.

I've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long and I just want to know if this is normal and I'll get over it. I'm ashamed writing this and I feel like a bitch. He's noticed I'm quieter than usual and I can't be bothered making it up with him if we have a disagreement - usually I'd be mortified if I upset him. I think he's scared to ask if everything's ok in case I say something he doesn't want to hear and in some ways I'm glad he's not pushing it; I'm just hoping this will pass and we can get back to normal.

I know this is pretty petty compared to some posters - I just want to know how common this is.

OP posts:
hoolagirl · 20/07/2006 22:01

No idea, but i'm interested in any responses as this also a common problem for to me in all relationships (present one has exceeded usual time limits tho).

Original poster
itchyandscratchy · 20/07/2006 23:22

anyone?

OP posts:
MrsSpoon · 20/07/2006 23:27

DH and I have been married almost 11 years this year and although it is not perfect (what relationship is?) we both listen to each other telling the same tales/jokes etc and sometimes I have to bite my tongue and stop myself shouting "Will you shut up!!!", I figure he feels the same way at times when I get going, "Oh, here she goes again". I hope however that we are an old crotchety couple still together with our zimmer frames listening to each other tell our riveting tales to anyone who will listen. IMO it is something you have to put up with if you are going to be with someone longterm.

hermykne · 20/07/2006 23:34

a break away from familiarity might brealk the monotony and daily repetitiveness that hounds family life.
is that an idea?
somewhere the boht of you would find interesting to not talk about all the usual stuff.
then maybe a chat and dont talk to each other for 48hrs and see how much builds up?
or be honest with him....

Tortington · 20/07/2006 23:35

its often diffucult to have anything other than a boring conversation if either of you have nothing to bring to the table. you each need to seek out something different away from the other - a new experience to talk and share laugh or cry about.

MrsSpoon · 20/07/2006 23:41

Agree with new/shared experiences, got to keep giving the conversation some fuel.

Tortington · 20/07/2006 23:47

there was nothing worse in the world for me for a very long time than going out with my dh. to sit and not talk or only talk about the kids or work - are we not more interesting than that? then i got over myself and thought - hey its not wrong to talk about kids and work - its what happens everyday. but still the conversation was tedious in a pub setting and so i personally think its better go go out seperatlyey and then you have funny pissed up tales to tell . i do go out with dh now but dont talk to him that much we play pool and talk about pool which interests us both so we found a common ground at last.

anorak · 21/07/2006 00:00

Hey Mrs Custardo I didn't know you liked pool. Me to. Have to have a battle of sticks sometime.

toadstool · 21/07/2006 00:04

Agree - also 7 years into relationship with DH, and we're starting to tell each other, 'this conversation is boring/repetitive'. Very itchy at present, but not about him, more about horror at this being the REST OF OUR LIVES . Not sure about artifically changing conversations, as I find them quite reassuring too, but... it's those bickering old couples you see, isn't it? But it's the romantic habits that are starting to get me down more (e.g. disappearing into loo with the road atlas as Newsnight ends).

toadstool · 21/07/2006 00:07

Sorry - agree with separate interests too!

Tortington · 21/07/2006 00:14

defo anorak i whoop yer ass

anorak · 21/07/2006 00:23

time and place...

Tortington · 21/07/2006 00:24

dont you live in some twanky backwater?

where are you?

SaintGeorge · 21/07/2006 00:26

Individual interests, shared ground, communication.

More than anything remember that you have to work all the time at relationships, they don't keep going completely on their own.

Oh and if you make it past the 7yr itch, be prepared for it to hit again at 14yrs

(17th wedding anniversay saturday so I guess we are doing something right)

brimfull · 21/07/2006 00:30

We've been married for 18 yrs ,we get on really well and he makes me laugh a lot ,not all the time though.There are phases when I want to run away and live on my own,or with someone exciting and rich.But that's just a phase and it does pass,I'm sure he goes through them aswell.
I have found that communication is the key to keeping us happy.
Actually got a great tip from a novel I read once where the couple made sure that each day they sat down and told each other something that had happened /they'd seen/felt that day,and a memory from the past.It's a great way to get talking and actually I've learnt new things about dh .
Well that's all my worldly advice for tonight!

anorak · 21/07/2006 00:36

twanky backwater?

what do you mean by that???

I live in West Herts don't you know. Wanna face me then? You can come and stay in my house if you're hard enough!

anorak · 21/07/2006 00:37

(apologies itchyandscratchy) [sheepish grin]

Tortington · 21/07/2006 00:39

would love lovelove to. cant swing a weekend away though. can't you come to brighton for a meet up am sure the brighton lot could arrange to get pissed v. soon

rhubarb is better n me.

anorak · 21/07/2006 00:41

Whatever. Am I bovvered??

Would love an excuse for an overnight but not sure if I can swing it.

Am totally willing to try

Tortington · 21/07/2006 00:51

totally fab you can stop here no probs although you really mustn't be a clean freak. and i really mean it. if your a minor shithole kinds gal your welcome. and we will spend day in brighton getting pissed with brighton people and then evening we will stagger directly down the street to pub and i whip you at pool.

just painted dds room and you can have the lovely bedding which is cow print becuase she has a gazillion cows.

we really shouln't do this on this thread eh?

if you can start a threa and lets arrange it in brighton meet up thread.

Tortington · 21/07/2006 00:51

major bump for itchy cos i totally hijacked thread - constructive advcce anyone?

anorak · 21/07/2006 00:53

Yeah sorry itchy

jasper · 21/07/2006 01:38

find a lover

Gemmitygem · 21/07/2006 04:00

I'd say plan a little trip together, even a weekend, and do something new together without kiddos.

Or take up a new interest yourself.. things prob won't change unless you do something.

I think it's inevitable for things to get a bit predictable after ages together, but it's worth it; you just have to find new sides to each other or new interests etc..

mylittlepony · 21/07/2006 10:50

It's not just you. I've been with dp for 6 years and 2 children later I'm bored, bored, bored. I'm also a SAHM which doesn't help because all I ever do is look after 2 pre-school children in addition dp works from home and so we're never out of each other's pockets. We've no family nearby to help with childcare but have finally acknowledged that it's a problem and are going to get a babysitter and try to go out regularly. I was scared of broaching the subject with dp because I was scared of letting the genie oiut of the bottle. In a way I think that I have to some extent but I'm hoping that we can make things better, together, for the long term.

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