Background: been with dp 3.5 years, have dd1 from previous relationship and dd2 (6mo) with dp. I have very low self esteem. I actually hate myself most days I've been to hell and back in my life and fully believe that I deserve all the bad stuff that happens to me. I've recognised this now and I am (or I thought I was) taking steps towards changing my thinking and getting confidence.
Dp has cheated about 8 times now. I always always take him back and blame myself for it happening. I should lose weight, stop nagging, stop asking him to contribute towards household etc etc. Please don't flame me for having a child with this man etc I am fully aware how stupid I have been. If you felt I do every day you might understand the reasons I had for holding on to him so long.
I had an feeling something was up. Sex has been awful recently he just isn't interested and can never finish if we get going. I put it down to my appearance but that's never really been an issue before when it comes to sex at least.
He was in the shower earlier so I grabbed his phone to find a whole load of messages on WhatsApp to and from several women. He is begging, and I mean begging, them to meet him. I have no idea who they are or where he has met them but he has met at least one of them, most recently last night when he told me he was at work. He has been taking my car to meet them and have sex with them in. I feel sick.
I feel so low, useless and heartbroken but to be honest I did expect it. I am strangely calm and managed to say absolutely nothing to him. I'm not talking to him anyway because he called me a fat cow at 3am when I got back into bed after feeding dd2. Apparently the whole bed moves when I get in and I woke him up. 
He's away out now to the pub and I won't see him until tomorrow because it will be early hours before he gets back, if he gets back at all. He has taken the car keys so I can't go anywhere.
I know he will minimise and deny as always. I have the proof I need.
The house is solely in my name and he pays absolutely nothing at all towards rent, council tax or bills.
I want to pack all his stuff up and dump it in the garden but I have no idea what's stopping me. It's just baby Dd I have here tonight my older one is at her grans.
I'm crying and feel like a total fool. I need him gone for good. He is not helping me at all. I haven't got a single Christmas present yet for dds because I am totally skint. Had to pay car tax, insurance, new washing machine, rent, bills etc and it's left me with nothing. He has been out nearly every night this month and has wads of cash in his wallet and in his bank. He works full time and I am on maternity leave with very little tax credits. I have some money coming on Monday so I should be able to get dds some presents then.
He is the most selfish human being I have ever met. He doesn't care for any of us its just somewhere for him to live, yet I am still struggling to end it and throw him out for good. I wish I knew why. Maybe it's the hope that he will change and I'll have a happy relationship. I'm on my own nearly all the time anyway so it's not that.
