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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Feeling so lonely and dreading Christmas. Any kind words?

64 replies

Santaclaws · 19/12/2013 18:57

I started a previous thread on here about the end of my relationship with man I met online. It's a week gone by now and I'm feeling really lonely for some reason. I have got this evening tomorrow evening and Saturday evening with nowhere to go and no one to see. All my friends ( I don't have loads) are all married and busy with their families. I'm seeing my daughter during the day tomorrow but she has her own family and life to lead. It's just awful especially at this time of year. Tbh I don't think I've ever felt so low

I really wish I hadn't questioned him then the relationship might not have ended. My ex who I had a four year relationship with had sent me the odd email over the last few months which I ignored as that ended badly due to him being EA and our arguing. Now due to loneliness I have been back I touch with him ( probably the wrong thing to do) but it felt good to be wanted rather than rejected and it might sound odd but I know him so well and he is familiar, so in a way I feel safe. With the online man I was second guessing him all the time and felt insecure

I'm really dreading Xmas and new year I'm going to my daughter Xmas day but that's it the rest of it I am alone, I don't think I've ever had a year like this, I just want to curl up in a ball and hide and I keep crying. How can I improve my life? I can't see a way out really

OP posts:

AnandaTimeIn · 25/12/2013 01:17

hasn't decided what to do yet, but he might choose to see me.

Sweetheart - NEVER! let someone be a priority for whom you are only an option....

I feel sad and lonely too.

My parents are both gone now (mum died in February), my son is out all night (at his age that's normal!) and it's generally not been the best year for me. Difficult relationship that's basically finished for me and going nowhere in 2014....

But I am grateful to have a lovely warm house, food for tomorrow and peace and quiet to do what I want.

joblot · 25/12/2013 08:32

Off to walk the dog and try not to piss on anyone's chips. Metaphorically not literally. Hope all on their own today are avoiding the mawkishness and checkingout tthe sales or eating twiglets. Or whatever makes you feel ok

FuckItLifeIsTooShort · 25/12/2013 09:07

Hi there, my first Christmas without stbx in 31 years. I am in so far so good, I have not cried at all for a few days and am determined to keep it up. The sun is shining here so dog walking for me. If it is nice where you are could you get out? Always helps me. I will not be alone alone as will have boys here for Christmas dinner this eve. I chose it this way as we had some complicated family arrangements last weekend.

I saw a couple of friends last night and we drank wedding champagne, bittersweet but glad to have done it. This post is about me not you op, but I wanted to ask if you had anything you could do which might feel like you have cleared the debris from a hard time so new year is clean and ready to go?

Apart from wishing you a peaceful Christmas that does not hurt too much those are my top tips, get out and do something that clears things, even decluttering a drawer helps!

In the meantime get on the RSPCA site etc, I bet there are loads of kittens and young cats that turn up there at this time of year. Thinking of you op, glad you saw ea ex, that was almost decluttering in a way wasn't it?

MillyChristmas · 25/12/2013 09:18

I wish you a Merry Christmas, I wish you a Merry Christmas, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year....Santa !!!

MillyChristmas · 25/12/2013 09:19

And to all you other Ladies

MillyChristmas · 25/12/2013 09:24

and Santa....please get the little kitten I suggested. He or She will give you your own little " family".

springysofa · 25/12/2013 12:09

Merry Christmas everyone!

half way through!

Beautiful blue sky outside but no dog to walk and pretty poorly with this vicious bug . I was hoping to get to the homeless shelter later but that's looking unlikely. I'm not the best patient - never ill!

Hope you're ok today Santa. Just a bloody day eh, back to normal tomorrow (phew). Then you can make a fresh start, particularly re this horrid man = clear the decks, bin him for good. What a waste of space he appears to be. Yuck. I tell you what, it is sooooo lovely to be with people who value you - and, if for the time-being that's just yourself, it's infinitely better than being with people who think they're doing you some kind of favour.

Original poster

Santaclaws · 25/12/2013 19:40

fuckitlife RSPCA site is a very good idea, never thought about that particularly at this time of year. Thank you.

Unfortunately I slept with my ex twice, I believed he wanted me back and cared about me. I think he probably would have me back but entirely on his terms. I was stupid, I only did it because I was hurting over the other man I met online and he seemed a comfort and familiar. I feel like I'm on a self destruct really because I'm doing things I KNOW are bad for me and are going to hurt. When we split in August after 4 years i was initially shocked, but after a couple of weeks glad to be out of the abuse. yet i have allowed myself to become attatched again.I know it won't work long term so why do I do it. He hasn't contacted me at all over the last two days. That upsets me yet I know I'm better off without him.

I hope you are all ok and have had a good day. Mine wasn't too bad I spent it at my daughters. Am sitting here alone now having a few tears. Early night for me as I have an early start at work tomorrow. Things can only get better can't they.

OP posts:

cjel · 25/12/2013 19:40

Well Ladies, I hope you have a ll had a good day. I stayed in bed till 10 then got up and took bfast back with me. Went to ds's about 12 and have just got back. I actually had a lovely day apart from seeing H and OW on my way out. Home now and so tired it'll be good to veg on sofa alone.
How are you SANTA?

Original poster

Santaclaws · 25/12/2013 19:43

Hi cejel glad to hear you had a lovely day :) a very happy Christmas to you.

OP posts:

cjel · 25/12/2013 20:26

How was it for you?x

Original poster

Santaclaws · 25/12/2013 20:28

cejel we had a cross post at 19.40. Day not too bad but am obsessing a bit about ex

OP posts:

cjel · 25/12/2013 20:31

Oh yes, just read it sorry Tears are ok, You will get more and more able to choose well fro yourself with practice try not to think on what you did but what you can do in the future. Allow yourself a little wallow -Its Cristmas

springysofa · 25/12/2013 23:48

It's very common to return to an abusive relationship - even I went back once (I say 'even I' because when I left I was a complete shell and it was such a triumph to leave - incomprehensible that I went back). I can't really tell you why I went back - probably along the lines that I wanted it all to be alright and resolved somehow; that he was sorry and realised the error of his ways now he'd lost me, and we could at last be happy. blah blah. Of course within a month it was clear he was the same as ever, and I left again, this time for good.

So don't feel bad. Most return at least once.

I've spent the day watching the box, recovering on the sofa from this dastardly cold/virus. I managed a walk at one point but I felt self-conscious that people would be thinking 'look at that poor woman on her own on christmas day' (but they were probably thinking 'lucky her doing what she pleases')

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