Feeling so lonely and dreading Christmas. Any kind words?

[Santaclaws]

I started a previous thread on here about the end of my relationship with man I met online. It's a week gone by now and I'm feeling really lonely for some reason. I have got this evening tomorrow evening and Saturday evening with nowhere to go and no one to see. All my friends ( I don't have loads) are all married and busy with their families. I'm seeing my daughter during the day tomorrow but she has her own family and life to lead. It's just awful especially at this time of year. Tbh I don't think I've ever felt so low

I really wish I hadn't questioned him then the relationship might not have ended. My ex who I had a four year relationship with had sent me the odd email over the last few months which I ignored as that ended badly due to him being EA and our arguing. Now due to loneliness I have been back I touch with him ( probably the wrong thing to do) but it felt good to be wanted rather than rejected and it might sound odd but I know him so well and he is familiar, so in a way I feel safe. With the online man I was second guessing him all the time and felt insecure

I'm really dreading Xmas and new year I'm going to my daughter Xmas day but that's it the rest of it I am alone, I don't think I've ever had a year like this, I just want to curl up in a ball and hide and I keep crying. How can I improve my life? I can't see a way out really

So get a kitten now. It won't replace your beloved cat but will give you something to come home too and sit with.

Oh cafe I so hope hope your right. Thank you so much.

I might just get a kitten, I did like it when there was me and her together in the evenings

Yes ...do get one. You will come down in the morning and she will be so pleased to see,you and have her breakfast and she will be there waiting for you when you get home from work. She will give you a purpose.

See. Sorted.
Glad we could help!

And a first grandchild to look forward to as well in a few weeks x

Hello Santaclaws, I can see why coming home to a cold, dark house after a long day at work would make you feel low. I think the kitten idea is lovely, hopefully a little friend to greet you when you get home each evening!

Also, could you busy yourself with a project like knitting or sewing something for your daughter's baby?

Hi veruca am going to seriously think about a kitten. Can't sew or knit unfortunately but it's very exciting and I'm sure my mind will be almost totally distracted in a few weeks when it's born

Hope your Christmas is much better than you think, and wishing you much happiness in the New Year

Yey! A cat! We got a beautiful 3 yr old boy cat from a rescue and he has been with us 13 years. He is such a comfort.

If I'm feeling sorry for myself then I think I'm allowed a bit of that - of course you are Santa, it is horrible to feel lonely! And I know how hard it can be to organise a life around shift work too, you have to put more work into it than people who work 9-5 ( I have done both so I know).

I read a good book once by the comedienne Joan Rivers, who tragically lost her husband to suicide in the 80's. Anyway she was basically saying how she fought back from it - I know it's not like your situation but her point was you have to take the time to have some self pity and feel miserable, spend a day in bed crying if you want to etc once you have done this ( and obviously it will not be that cut and dried you might need to do it more than once) then you will realise what you have to 'get over' or why you need to turn your life around and pull yourself up by the bootstraps, IYSWIM. It will take time but will be worth some effort and as other posters have said take the time to do the things you enjoy, whatever that is, hobbies, anything.

You won't be alone as MNetters like us will be thinking of you. I hope you have a nice time with your daughter at Christmas.

Hello could you stay at your daughters on Xmas day night and go to work from there. It might make it a little more bearable.

A pet is a very good idea. Volunteering over Xmas is not so much of one. Quite a few of the charities who work with homeless people have a rather jaded view of people who want to 'put something back' by turning up and getting underfoot at Xmas simply to give themselves a warm glow - it's a good idea to find a cause/charity that means a lot to you and commit to volunteering/helping all year round.

I make no bones about it that I volunteer at a *Christmas homeless charity so I don't have to face Christmas alone. Then, lo, I really enjoy it . You could volunteer on Boxing Day if they have a slot - they are always grateful for help, just ask.

I agree with cafe that you get used to being on your own and it can become an immense treat. Something in a book helped me with loneliness: to think of all the people in your street, neighbourhood, town, city, country who are also lonely at the precise time you are. It gives a sense of camaraderie, of us all facing the same thing 'together'.

I think loneliness is particularly difficult if you start believing you're alone because theres something wrong with you. That is a real killer. So don't go down that path, eh? People are alone for myriad reasons, not necessarily their fault at all.

*I also volunteer all year round at homeless charities SGB but there's nothing wrong with 'just' volunteering at Christmas. The charities need it as it's a huge push at Christmas to get it all on the road and they are grateful for any help.

NB you'll need some basic training to work with the homeless but the training is short, not that complicated and is happening now - so make enquiries now to get on some training slots (usually last about 1.5 hours) if you want to do a slot on Boxing day. You could do a few more slots if you like - they certainly need the help.

Im cross with you SGB to introduce the idea of volunteers being 'underfoot' because that bears no relation to my experiences ie every pair of hands is welcome and needed, we're not standing around making judgements.

santa I'll be here over Christmas, apart from The Day itself I'll spend quite a bit of it on MN faffing about at home.

It's so tempting at this time of year to see everyone else through the soft focus lens of tv commercial-land. But, tis better to be alone than lonely, and insecure, in a relationship.

These are for you and .

Well this is it and I can't wait for it to be over, I've never been like this before and usually look forward to Xmas. I've done rather a stupid thing and met up with the ex who was EA and I had a 4 year relationship with. We have met twice with him telling me he loves me and want to give it another go, I have felt an emotional distance there from my side though. Anyway just to knock me down further and take away what little self esteem I had left he was quite verbally abusive on the phone last night

I was explaining I felt down about being alone at Xmas ( he is visiting his kids and staying at his ex's) anyway stupid me I expected a little empathy after all apparently he loves and cares about me!! ( yeh right) bad all I got was an onslaught as to how it wasn't his fault and all arrangements for Xmas and new year were made before we were back in touch, fair comment I wasn't asking him to change plans. It's just the way he was saying yet again " he's not going to put up with my shit again and to hang up and never contact him again" same old, same old really.

I don't know what I'm expecting posting on here I've been incredibly stupid and brought it on myself but I was so down when the online relationship ended and he paid me lots of attention. He's really just added to my distress. I need to sort my life out and get myself together, I just want to be happy. Sorry just needed to vent any words of encouragement gratefully received

Hi santa sorry your ex was a tosser, at least you know exactly where you stand. I'm on my own and am so worn down with happy families and endless xmas talk, it's hard to be civil at times. I'm having memories about dreadful childhood xmases flooding back at the moment so feel particularly shit.

Anyway you're not alone but lots of people pretend and fake it. I'm glad you felt able to start this thread, makes me feel less weird and wrong. Hope you start to feel better about the ex soon

Thanks joblot I hope you are ok, it's really shitty isnt it. I've never felt this low. Xmas crap and two rejections in 2 weeks. Well they can fuck off from now on I'm looking after me and I'm number one.

It will be good when all this Xmas rubbish is over

Sorry he was so vile, Santa. Don't beat yourself up, you were vulnerable.

Bear in mind that this too shall pass - it always does. You say yourself that you've never felt so bad so you've had a fair few decent Christmases and you will again; this is just a pants one. Apart from anything, it's only a day lol, but the feeling shit and lonely and crapola will pass too. It helps me to bear things knowing it will pass in the end.

My avoiding Christmas plan has hit the buffers because I have a very bad cold so have't been able to do my shifts at the homeless centre. So that's really interesting, isn't it - I had it so well planned! Just watched Its a Wonderful Life and blubbed my head off - probably because Im poorly lies

Well ex twat has done you a favour of sorts there, at least you know you definitely did the right thing by dumping his sorry ass! Well done you for getting rid! The other guy sounds like a dick as well, he wasn't worthy either.

Sorry you are feeling like this, I know how much Xmas magnifies everything. It really is just one day though then everything goes back to normal. It's great that you are getting a kitten and will be a GM soon, they are both lovely things to look forward to.

Why not see this time as a reward, instead of an ordeal. You will get the day with your family, make the evening all about what you want! Wine, chocolate, fluffy pj's, nice bath with candles and lovely music, ace trash on the telly that you know ex would hate, that sort of thing. Use the time to plan what lovely things you are going to do in the new year, this is a new beginning of good things and the end of crap you don't need.

2014 will be your year, just you watch! X

Santaclaws, it will soon be over.

I'm on my own too, and would prefer not to be. It's not the first time for me though. The first year was the hardest.
I go one of two ways when I'm on my own at this time of year depending how I feel. If I'm feeling sad and lonely - and there's nothing wrong with that - I have a cry or a rant whatever I feel like. And I avoid Xmas music and tv and just tell myself it's a normal weekend or something.
Or, this year I'm actually feeling ok about it, so I'm just relaxing, watching crap tv and making some plans for next year.

I need more people in my life and that's my main goal for next year. Let's make 2014 great !

btw, I will be on MN a few times over the next 24 hours so I'll look out for your thread.

SantaClaws I've had dd here all day wrapping her pressie, dsis dropped in for lunch, A friend popped in for a bit, I have done cake and turkey in oven to take to ds's tomorrow, DD will be back in a bit to collect pressies and am expecting another friend in a bit,I have manic family time boxing day and Friday and I am just sitting here in tears feeling sooooo lonely! A man IMO only partly helps, I had t imes like this in my marriage.

I don't think its stupind or silly I think its very normal and ok to have sad tearful times for what we don't have.xxx

springysofa I hope you soon feel better and I love that film but it makes me cry too x

marjorie I wish I could find someone worthy if I'm honest. I don't want perfect just "good enough" will be fine. I'm trying to take things one day at a time and waiting for things to improve

peekska hi there. That's exactly how I feel. I need more people in my life, not just a man but more people generally. Thank god for MN now hey!
I will be here on and off so yes please look out for me and we can keep eachother company :)

cjel thanks for your support and I hope you are ok and have a lovely day tomorrow

I am furious I have allowed myself to be emotionally abused again. Ex said he wanted me back and maybe he does but ALL on his terms. He kept saying he'd changed since we split and wasn't putting up with my shit anymore! Basically he wanted us to try again but was going ahead with his xmas plans to see kids, no problem with that, but staying in the ex wife's house if she offered, slight problem with that. He said he wasn't going backwards and if I didn't like it I knew what to do. I was also upset about New Year's Eve. Apparently he's had a few invites and hasn't decided what to do yet, but he might choose to see me. I should be really honoured I suppose. So it ended with him saying " well put the phone down and don't contact me again" He always used to use that line. But I did hang up and I've heard nothing. So much for him caring about me when I'm feeling abit down at the moment.

I've decided to be alone now and not go back with him, he preaches about putting me first, but he's only ever put himself first

Hi Santa, I'm just going to bed, but I'll be on MN in the morning.
Hope you sleep well.

You too peekska I'm feeling a bit tipsy after a double ( or was it a triple) vodka.at my daughters for lunch but will be on tomorrow at some point. :)