I have posted here before under a different name.
H walked out in January after what I would call a 5 month text emotional affair. He still denies it is an affair.
Prior that he had been suicidal at one point about finances and out trapped state in wrecked house and his job and bills out of control. He didn't seek help.
He started to have extreme anger issues, where if he realised he'd incurred a bank charge, for example, he would full force head butt the wall. He also would kick kids stuff, shouting at them they were disgusting etc. I told him he needed help, which he then sort out by starting the text affair.
Since leaving he now comes to the house every single day. He eats dinner etc. This arrangement suits me when he is in an OK mood. His good moods usually last about 2 weeks, then something unknown to me will happen and he'll be the mad angry man again. In the past he forcefully locked me and other kids out of a room and put mustard in one of our DC's mouth. My DC suffers from asthma. It was horrendous. I was locked out of room screaming. This was one of the incidents that forced me to tell him he needed help. Due to these outbursts I don't feel happy to let him have the kids for a day unsupervised. The children themselves are wary, and enjoy him while he's in a good mood but are scared when he's not.
Prior to any of this, we had both agreed that his parents would no longer be asked to watch our DC. HIs mother seems to pick on my DCs but not her daughters DCs. His parents live less than a ten minute drive away but have chosen not to see my DC's since last Christmas. They were told they were welcome round for DCs birthdays, but they didn't come. They won't even answer the phone to them.
My H insists on coming here everyday. If he is in a rage and we have an argument he then threatens taking the DCs. He has never asked for them while in a good mood, only after an argument.
Saturday, after a few weeks of being lovely, one of the DC said a word very similar to a swear word. H threatened to put soap in his mouth, to which DC replied that Mummy wouldn't let him. H then went mental at me saying how I have undermined him by not letting him put soap/mustard in their mouths. Next day of course, he announces he is taking the kids to his Mums in the Christmas week. I refused, he said he's taking them anyway. The oldest 2 do not want to go. I haven't mentioned to the younger 2.
Only 3 close friends know our weird current situation, most people thinks he is stil here. They also know about his behaviour and agree he shouldn't take them.
Since him leaving I have become so indesicive, he manages to blame me for everything and makes me doubt myself constantly.
Do you think it is unfair to let him take them, or should I force them to go in the knowledge that they may well end up with soap in their mouth. Help please. THank you. SOrry it is so long.