My DM and presents...

[Souper]

Please help me to understand what is going on and what to do here.

If I ask my DM what she would like for Christmas or her birthday she says with a martyred sigh "Nothing." But if I actually did buy her nothing she would cry (not rant or shout or say anything at the time) and be really disappointed.

So every single year I rack my brains trying to think of something to get her. She is really difficult to buy for! She has literally no hobbies or interests. She doesn't do anything at all. She hasn't worked for about 30 years and all of her interests have gradually fallen by the wayside in the last ten years. She isn't interested in clothes or cosmetics, no television programs, doesn't watch films, doesn't garden. She does read thriller type detective novels but wouldn't use a Kindle.

The last few years I have bought her presents that she has tonelessly said "Thanks" for... Only for me to see them later in the box for the charity shop. These have been good quality items that I honestly thought she might like, that I have spent time thinking up and getting.

By the way, when she buys presents for me and DH she is very stroppy about it if I don't specify exactly what we would like - to the point of sending a link. I don't mind doing this, I feel that it is better as we are all adults that we get presents that we genuinely want. But a bit of help the other way would be appreciated, or at least try to look grateful for what I have ought her if she can't be bothered to think what she would like!

What can I do here? Anyone else having a similar problem?

cranberry yes I am being literal!

Holdthepage your DM sounds much like mine. The bit about not controlling her emotions really rings true. My DM was crying down the phone at me on my call to tell her that I had just given birth to DS about a family problem.
Me: hello, just to let you know you are a grandma and DS is here and he is perfect!
DM: oh, lovely. But (sob, sob, sob) there's this big problem happening....

It was a big problem but given that I had just given birth and was at the other end of the country there wasn't a lot I could do to help. I can't help thinking that somebody else might have told me about the problem the next day, or just mentioned it and really reassuringly said 'but don't you worry about it, we are dealing with it and everything is going to be fine!'

Oh, god, it's all coming out now...!

Once upon a time, when I was married, BIL and DN wanted to come round to borrow my PC for some reason. Time went on, we decided they weren't going to come after all so we just got on with the evening. When they did come we were a bit surprised as it was past what I thought was DN's bedtime; but I set up the PC for them and was showing DN the function she needed to do her homework or whatever it was, when BIL blew up at us all and said what a horrible atmosphere there was in the house, and just because we'd all had a major row was no reason to take it out on our guests! We were totally bewildered by this as we had all been perfectly amicable before they arrived (even the DCs had not had one of their usual tussles) and had done the usual hi, how are you, have a cup of tea etc. But of course it was not about us at all. He had brought the atmosphere with him and was projecting big-time.

I think you were the apple of your DM eye whilst you were at home and servicing her needs entirely - how dare you grow up and become independent and not satisfy her every whim!

I would focus on building a closer relationship with your DSIS that excludes your Mum, as in don't let her spoil it between you two. Sounds like your DSIS refused to comply with your Mum and you got to be the golden child.