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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you end a relationship right before Christmas?

43 replies

OhNoNearlyCrimbo · 13/12/2013 15:56

Exactly this.

The bf has done nothing wrong, relationship just going nowhere; so just feel it's reached the end.

Is it a bad thing given the time of year? (bf thinks Christmas is special) Would you wait till in the new year?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 13/12/2013 15:58

I would yes, in fact I have. Xmas is no reason to stay in a crappy relationship, if you do that then there will always be a reason to stay in it. NYE, then Valentines Day etc.

needshelpwitheveryday · 13/12/2013 15:59

there is NEVER a good time to end a relationship but, if I am honest I would wait until the new year. I cant honestly say why I just would.

Felix90 · 13/12/2013 15:59

I would. There's no point dragging it out and pretending to be happy just because it's Christmas. There will always be some sort of event coming up to put you off - valentines day, birthdays etc.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/12/2013 16:00

Definitely... Lose the boyfriend and save on the gift! Win-win.

Bogeyface · 13/12/2013 16:01

Actually the gift thing is a good point.

Is he likely to spend a lot on a gift? Better to finish it now before he spends that money, or can return what he bought, he may not be able to if you do it after Xmas.

expatinscotland · 13/12/2013 16:03

Absolutely. There's no time like the present.

MuffCakes · 13/12/2013 16:03

Yes, how awful at christmas to keep up a pretense and have every little thing he does grate on your nerves when you can have a lovely christmas without him.

Original poster
OhNoNearlyCrimbo · 13/12/2013 16:04

haha Cogito! Bought him gifts, I'm not worried bout the money and would give them anyway as he's done a lot for me this year. Had made him promise not to buy me as I was already planning this.

Interesting to see your replies. I agree with them all. However, I would definitely not use another excuse, if I did wait, it would be 2nd Jan for sure!

OP posts:
MuffCakes · 13/12/2013 16:04

And use the money you would of spent on his gift on a gift you really want for yourself. Wink

DollyShouldHaveDumpedStiva · 13/12/2013 16:04

I thought like that and ended up dumping him on the 27th. ... you should get it over with.

nemno · 13/12/2013 16:06

Certainly. There's no point in him wasting his Christmas social life and time off with you if you dump him in the NY. You''ll be lying and he'll feel a chump when he realises. At least now it's likely he'll have more distractions.

SirChenjin · 13/12/2013 16:07

No, I probably wouldn't, but then I would have probably ended it round about the end of Nov - unless I thought it was a mutual thing in which case I would probably end it about now. If I thought he was going to be devastated then I would probably wait til the New Year, but cool off massively between now and then.

ScarlettInSpace · 13/12/2013 16:07

I left my husband on 16th December 7 years ago. The thought of playing the happy couple when I was just not in love with him any more was unbearable if I'm honest. Was selfish I guess but there's no such thing as a good time and I'd been kidding myself on for a year that it would be ok, it was never going to be and I couldn't go through with pretending any longer...

Original poster
OhNoNearlyCrimbo · 13/12/2013 16:09

Would definitely have to be the 2nd as it's my birthday right over so would need to move quickly.

I want to but can't help feeling really sh*y about it :(

Not to sound depressing, but it wouldn't be a lovely Christmas as I've recently lost a very close family member, so not worried about it not being a nice time etc. I'm avoiding the festivities as much as possible this year.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 13/12/2013 16:10

Do you think he would be devastated, or do you think he knows what's coming?

Original poster
OhNoNearlyCrimbo · 13/12/2013 16:10

Exactly what sirchenjin says, he would be devastated which is why I'm torn.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhNoNearlyCrimbo · 13/12/2013 16:11

I don't think he knows, although I have been a bit cold with him of late, I think in some way he might, not sure.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 13/12/2013 16:15

It's only the 13th, so I guess you could probably do it tonight and that would still give him time to rearrange plans/get over it/leave the country before Christmas? I wouldn't leave it any later tbh - unless it's a casual thing, which, by the sounds of it, it isn't. Otherwise, I think I would be tempted to continue to distance myself and drop the bombshell in the NY.

PosyNarker · 13/12/2013 16:24

It's only the 13th - do it asap. The day before would be a bit shitty if you've known for a while.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 13/12/2013 16:44

Agree with ASAP - he will feel even worse if he feels you've been phoney/going through the motions over Xmas.

Plus he might get all drunk and romantic and you'll say it on xmas anyway.

Laurel1979 · 13/12/2013 18:09

Might be better to do it before Christmas - January is depressing enough without being dumped in the middle of it. At least he'll have had a couple of weeks to start getting over it by new year.

EdithWeston · 13/12/2013 18:11

If completely sure, then yes, get on with it (as kindly as possible), and then at least he gets the chance to meet and target new people at any parties.

ImperialBlether · 13/12/2013 18:30

I'd do it now. There's still time for him to find something else to do at Christmas time. Do you live together?

In his position I would hate to think that someone was staying with me and planning to leave - that would be horrible to think about afterwards.

wallaby73 · 13/12/2013 18:32

Um, i just did, 3 weeks ago. Less than a week before his birthday too, but considering he claimed to have "forgotten" he was taking me out for my 40th the next evening, it was kind of the last straw in a long line of let downs. Go for it, better out than in!

IslaValargeone · 13/12/2013 18:34

Do it now. He can get over you by socialising at Christmas dos.
You don't want him to start the New Year being dumped?
Also you might meet someone fab over Christmas.