Need advice with dh's lifestyle (drinking, weed) and raising a family

[Orchidheart]

I'm so exhausted from raising our baby pretty much alone at the moment and need advice. We have a 4 month baby whom I am on maternity leave to look after for 9 months. My husband is in a physically demanding job with long hours. When he comes home he will drink and smoke weed from then until he falls asleep on the sofa. On days off he will lie in till midday. Then smoke (weed or cigs) and start drinking about 5ish or midday ona weekend. I don't know if he has a drink/drug problem as he is well and never takes a day off work. However because he is often asleep, tired in the day and drinking/ smoking at night I feel completely in charge of our baby and don't get a break.

He is a lovely man who I do love and he loves being a Dad but doesn't play or look after our child.

I have explain my situation to him but he thinks I'm totally overreacting and going a bit mad and emotional. ( I often cry and shake on the rare times I confront him).

As an example I told him about a the time our dc was 2 weeks old and I couldn't fall asleep as DH was holding him late in the evening. He fell asleep on the sofa and our son (all the time watched by me to see what would happen) Screamed for 5 mins before slowing slipping out of his arms. DH did not wake up.

Please give me advice.

Hi, sorry I haven't posted back. somethinglovely your post is so, so similar to my situation.

I don't think he's emotionally abusive but is too dependant on me in many ways. Eg he doesn't have an email/ fb account so uses mine and refuses to get his own.

We had a really good day today, took Ds out for a walk played with him when they got back, changed and dressed him as we'll. He promised to do bath time as well but fell asleep .

All your posts were really useful but a lot to take in. I need to have a talk with him but need to get the time right.

This makes me sad. Loves being a dad but doesn't play or look after your child? Takes the baby out for a walk if asked? You must have a very low opinion of yourself if you think this is acceptable. Mind you, you're posting on here so maybe you're realising that you and your child are worth more than this 'man' has to offer.

"I don't think he's emotionally abusive but is too dependant on me in many ways"

You do not think he is emotionally abusive?.

What is your definition of abuse?.

He is too dependent on you but you have and still play a role here in this overall dysfunction by enabling him and thus this unholy mess of a marriage to continue. Is this really what you want for your child, to grow up within such an unhealthy environment?. Do you want your child growing up knowing that his dad is a drug addict and that he feels that his mother put her drug addled H before your child?. He will despise you for doing that to him.

Talking to your H (you've done that already btw) will be a further wasted effort on your part. What you have tried and are still trying is not working.

Why is any of this acceptable to you?. You learnt this from your own parents.

You have two children, op

Except one of them is like a big ole baby

How do you manage to get sexually aroused by someone so useless ? I don't get it.

I was brought up by a man just like your partner.

I adore my dad and didn't know that other dads weren't like him, my childhood wasn't bad just 'different'. My dad was the one asleep on the floor when we had birthday parties, the one that my friends thought was funny but their parents hated which made them love him more. I remember talking to a friend about what our parents did as jobs, i proudly stated that my dad was a weed smoking alcoholic not really knowing what it was (i'd obviously heard it from someone). I wasn't allowed to play with that friend again.

He's still my hero but it makes me sad to think that I thought that was normal.

Do you want that for your child op?