Husband on dating sites.

[Whattodonow2]

Namechanged (there is another whattodonow but it's not them it's me, just that I'd better say that to avoid confusion with another poster).

Anyway, I have suspected dh is up to something for some time. I looked at his history on internet and found a site.

I joined this site- I've NO intention of doing anything else bar joining and did not give my details and I won't bore with details of my 'detective' work but- he was extremely easy to find.

He has been specific about what he likes: looking for no strings attached sex, what positions he likes and what he likes sexually.

I am fuming and upset at same time.

Don't know what the heck to do next.

He is looking for sex with other women. Whether he's achieved this or not would be irrelevant to me.

Op, you say you've had suspicions for some time. What do you want to do?

Tom you remind me of the bloke a woman on here once described. Him and his workmates decided that the woman at the house they were doing a job at "looked like a prostitute". So they decided that they would look her up on one of those escort sites. Just for the crack, like. I expect there was much laddy nudging and guffawing and "look at the tits on her" etc

His partner discovered his membership of the site and bingo end of relationship. Or at least that was the MN party line. He was a misogynist, see, over though he was "just one of the lads" and probably thought of himself as a Good Guy. You might want to have a little think about how damaging some of these "lads behaviours" are.

I have to admit that I'd play along and see if he engaged in online contact and then a real life meet. To me, there'd be a difference between setting up a profile, keeping that profile active, actively engaging with others online, goins to a meet in real life. Yes, all would be wrong in my marriage but not all off the options would result in divorce so I'd want to know more.

The reason it would be such a deal breaker for me is it's premeditated. He didn't accidentally fall for a work colleague and their passion was all encompassing and couldn't be restrained. He didn't go out one night and get bladdered and have a ONS with the barmaid.

No, he probably waited until the OP was in bed then carefully wrote his profile on a sex website, making sure to include various preference details. That is unforgivable on my mind.

Sebsmummy1 I appreciate what you are saying but many people wouldn't agree with you, and for those for whom there are shades of grey, more info would be useful to know if he'd crossed where we would draw the line.

From the OP, it would seem like having an online profile isn't a black and white case for divorce so more info would be needed. Anyone who ends a marriage or relationship would be best placed to work through their emotions, and come to terms with things if they arm themselves which as much info as possible and thus limit their own self doubts.

I can only speak for myself Joy, I wouldn't dare try and speak for anyone else.

Has the OP returned at all? Hope she is ok.

What gets me about these blokes is that they think the lies they tell (or the truths in Tom's case) paint them in a more favourable light than if they'd been touting for casual sex on a dating site.

So a woman's supposed to go 'Phew! It's okay. He's just a misogynist wanker who never grew up and thinks it's a massive hoot to troll sex sites with his dickwad mates'

Really?

I know there are twittish women who would be comforted by that of course, but thank goodness I don't know any personally.

Don't think anyone really believes rubbish like that- they just cling to it because they won't/can't leave the twunt.

Tom- I appreciate your honesty but seriously, it's just ridiculous.

Op- hope you're ok. Give yourself time to dwell on all of this and decide where your line is and whether this is something you can/want to come back from.

Sebsmummy that was exactly it for me with twunt of an XH. Premeditated, not a 'fell in love' situation. Final straw for me.