H told me he wants to leave me

[Florabeebaby]

Apparently he hates me and has been thinking this a while.
We have 2 kids, DS is1 and DD is 3...I am a SAHM.

Jesus, what the hell is going to happen to me and the kids..I have no family in this country, I'm not from here. I have no job, no money, no house, nothing. Jesus.

he can't mean it surely.
I know it's been hard since DS was born because he doesn't ever sleep and I'm either tired or sick all the time but I though he understood.

he's gone to sleep now. sleep.

Oh god.

Also wondering how you are today OP.

Sorry for disappearing but I have had two very hard days.
Finally last night H and I were able to sit down and talk. We have agreed to make some changes and see if we can work things out.
He said he said the horrible things in anger and to hurt me but didn't really mean them.
I don't know, I want to believe him and I owe my kids to try and work things out. I really don't want our family to break up.
We'll see.
I will go to the GP about my depression and that in itself may already resolve a few issues that I have about myself.
Thank you for being a listening ear when I was feeling so lost.
And please understand me.

Good to hear you both had a talk.
Please make sure that its you BOTH i.e not just you that will be making some changes.
He is just as responsible as you are for the marriage - you cannot make it work if you do all the hard work.
Take care x

Decent people don't say horrible things in anger deliberately to hurt their partners. They disagree or they get annoyed but they can restrain themselves. Keep your eyes open and judge him by his actions rather than promises..... Good luck

It will be both of us...he is going to take on more childcare/housework to let me have some rest so that I'm not ill all the time. And so that I get to be me.
He is not perfect, far from it and neither am I but we decided not to give up and work at it.
It won't be easy but we will try.
I feel exhausted, DS is ill.

Why did he want to hurt you?

Anger's one thing; wanting to hurt and admitting that desire is another.

Be vigilant Flora. Something is not as it seems here, mark my words.

I know we have problems and things have to change.
Thanks you again.

Set up a bank account tomorrow, and squirrel away a fund for yourself.
Make sure you have ID documents readily to hand at all times.
Sort out some counselling for yourself in conjunction with anything the GP is doing.
Consider getting a part time job in the new year.
I too get a sense that this is only a holding position and that something else will happen soon. Watch your back, my lovely.

What changes have you agreed to make, OP?

I think that, whether or not it was his intention, he has demonstrated that you are in a very vulnerable position. No money, no family, completely dependent on him - and he's demonstrated he's prepared to hurt and frighten you.

Boffin's right, you need to reduce your dependence on him and limit your financial vulnerability. You need to be ready for this to happen again and have an action plan in place so you are not left floundering.

You desperately need some rest. Can you book into a Travelodge to get some sleep, even if you don't stay away over night?

Also be prepared for the dynamic to change if/when you start to become more independent. He might not like it at all.

What line of work were you in before having kids, OP?