Brief history: both in our 40's, divorced, we have 2 kids each (he has DD 14 & 16, I DS 10 & 14). We've been together nearly 6 years, not married. My DS live with us fulltime, DD visit sporadically now. DP has been married twice both wives had affairs.
He was brought up with a very strict father and then spent 23 years in the army. He's very organised and tidy - not obsessively so but he likes things sorted. He likes rules and woe betide if they are broken! I've never once picked up his dirty washing off the floor - very different to my ex-husband. He has always worked hard and is generous and has always been kind and loving towards me. We have good jobs and a decent standard of living. As a couple we function really well. I love him but I don't think I love him enough anymore. He has real anger issues and gets very frustrated when things go wrong, cursing and slatting things. He isn't violent - but I think he could be!
As a family we don't function at all anymore. This has got worse over the past 12 months. He dislikes my 2 DS, he has never said this out loud but it's obvious by his lack of warmth and affection towards them. He has never made any effort to bond with them. All 3 of them tolerate each other.
They are typical boys, noisy, messy, loud and they bicker like mad. DS14 has turned into a teenager overnight and DP can't stand his surliness and attitude (it's just typical stuff, muttering etc) I let a lot of it ride - he cannot!
Over the years my DP has insisted that the boys cannot play football in our large garden incase they damage the plants, he moans if bikes/scooters are left out, he moans about marks being left on the walls and if toilets aren't flushed. He criticises the way the boys eat and their lack of table manners. In the past I've gone round touching up the walls and putting bikes away before he gets home, just to keep the peace and stop the constant moaning. The kids are only allowed to eat and drink in the kitchen, we have a TV room (den) that's the kids room, because a few drinks were split and crisp wrappers left in there, they are no longer allowed to eat/drink in there.
Two years ago we had a family party with 3 teenage girls (nieces) plus his 2 DD, he wouldn't let them in the lounge with drinks and because the kitchen chairs were being used elsewhere the girls had to sit on the kitchen floor. I was disgusted at that!
He never says anything nice to my DS! It is all negative, telling them off. There is very little laughter or fun. He is very serious, it’s like he puts a wall up around himself whenever the kids are there. He can’t let his serious side down. We've had some good family holidays however, and he seems to become more relaxed then. He is affectionate with his daughters.
When his girls visit and my DS are with their dad, we sit in silence round the table. I am the only one that makes conversation.
On Monday my DS10 'farted' by accident at the tea table, he said sorry but my DP threw his knife and fork down and said "I'm not eating my meal surrounded by pigs" and stormed out. I wasn't happy and because I challenged him he has now not spoken to me since Monday evening. I think I’ve finally seen the light!
I think I've also answered my own question haven't I?