LITERALLY Just been called that ex MIL has died - but he's a c***

[ScrewedUpJune]

I posted about 2 hours ago about being lonely after splitting in february and I have literally and I MEAN LITERALLY just got a call from ex that his mother has just died!

OMG. I have been replying to your other post, you must be in shock? are you on your own? not sure what to say, again more processing but most of all look after you, you have no responsibility to him

Why's he ringing you? What does he want? Were you close to ex-MIL?

Yes - i was close "back in the day" if that doesn't sound too american. She has dementia But also he has NO ONE ELSE. no siblings nothing. FUCK.

I guess I just have to be there for him!

he has noone else as he has chosen it to be that way. you are in shock and sounds like you are panicking, why should you be there for him. sorry i seem harsh, but he is your ex and he was abusive to you. Be there for him if that suits you however be careful with boundaries.

he slept with prostitutes.
you are vulnerable and feel lonely, please be careful

I guess I just have to be there for him!

Why? What will happen if you're not?

And I repeat, why's he ringing you? What does he want?

Of course you don't have to be there for him. Tomortoe is another day and you might not feel so lonely then.

because if I'm not there there will be hell to pay and he wiill hold it against me forever !!

No doubt, on a human level only, you will probably sympathise with him. However, you might need to put your foot down regarding arranging the funeral etc etc etc. As in you doing the co ordinating with the undertakers, caterers etc

Do what you need to do June. It's a shock to you too.

I'm sorry for your loss if you were close before, you're allowed to grieve.

Lighthousekeeping - please tell me why I don't have to be there for him?

Firstly, it's late, you need to sleep. It's his mother not yours. It's his family member, not one of yours. Don't let him use you for sympathy or anything else.

Is he just being drama about it ? Why couldn't he have waited until a more civilised hour to tell you ?

You could just say, 'I am very sorry she has died, apart from anything this is not related to our situation.'

You've had rows with this man before, I assume ? So, even if he goes ballistic, haven't you kinda heard it all before anyway ?

He wants to come round - to see our son? Our son is askeep

and he's coming from a brothel! FUCK FUCK FUCK..

I mean lap dancing club

Then the answer is a very firm NO. If he comes anyway, PHONE THE POLICE. You could call the police on the non emergency number just for some advice.

It really is far to late for this crap from him.

(I'm wondering if this is genuine)

I accept that he's only just told you she's died, but when did she die ? Was he at her bedside or not when she died ?

How far is it from where he is to your house ? If he's been drinking, I assume he won't be able to drive ? So he'll have to come over in a taxi, yes ?

Are you sober ?

I'd say NO!

If you want, he can talk to you tomorrow. You and your DS do.not.need. this.tonight.

Lock the doors.

If you think he needs someone to talk to give him the number to the relevant support agencies (I'm sure someone else knows what they are, afraid I don't).

This thread's gone very quiet all of a sudden, I wonder why......

Thank you every0ne It is geuuine and I have managed to tell him that we can deal with practicalities tonorrow. And that he should go to bed x I I have to be honest - someone said it was not true and I don;t like people who are truthful least of al mums

You don't need to be there for him. He is not your responsibility.

He is your ex.

You used to have to be there for him. Not now.

So on hearing the news his mum had just passed away he went straight to a strip club...