What do you think?

[Plumbingtrouble]

Think I probably know the answer, but here goes.

I met someone 5 months ago (I am married, but we are separating - not that that makes it ok. I had an affair)) and he made all the running. For the first 6 weeks nothing happened; he just called in for conversation and a beer, but then it became physical. He is 47 and never been married (commitment phobe I hear people shout).

Anyway, we met again last Tuesday and then he wanted to see me Thursday (couldn't), Friday (couldn't) and then we met on Saturday night. He constantly bigs me up. Tells me I am gorgeous, and even asks if I can take time out between Christmas and New Year to go away. He texted Sunday to see if I could meet again (couldn't).

Sunday I had a fair few texts, but yesterday and today, texts are less and just feel cold, if that makes sense. I spoke to him on the phone for half an hour and he still seems keen but a bit evasive. He is worried about making the wrong choice at his stage of life, but yet says I am perfect for him???!!

I just don't get it. It is making me feeling very insecure. And I really don't need it, but when I am with him we have such an amazing time. I am thinking I should just stop this with him(whatever it is we have) but that makes me feel so sad.

This is ridiculous really; I feel like a stupid teenager.

I think I am about to be flamed.

Thank you.

I still find it hard to comprehend. Last night we met for a couple of drinks and again he was v complimentary and we went back to his parents (he lives with them currently) as he had bought me a couple of xmas presents. He made me a coffee and we sat in the sitting room and he started showing me bloody family photos. We chatted for hours and then he walked me to my car and sat in with me and talked more.

We had lots of cuddles and a few kisses but there was no way I was going to go any further, even though I was buzzing as the chemistry is amazing between us.

He just kept saying he wanted 1 more minute with me which turned in to 10!

He told me not to be sad and he knew our paths would cross again.

We have texted a few times today. He says wherever he is in the World (if he goes off after all this) he wants to be in touch with me.

My head says I should cut comms but my heart cannot do it yet.

I am so tired - did not get home until 1.15 this morning! So really emotional.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

What's all this 'if' he goes off after all this? Does this mean he might not go off at all?

He is stringing you along and making a big drama out of it. I think you should be really strong and tell him where to get off.

And age 47, never been married and lives with his parents? What on earth do you see in him?

He is pretty certain that he is going to go somewhere - he is not sure for how long/where.

He is just with his parents temporarily. He has had a place in the past and then moved in with someone which split last year some time.

So it turned out more or less like I said it would then.

Physical contact 'for the road', some long-winded hand-wringing that still amounted to 'I'm dumping you' and as predicted, a 'gift' of vain hope for the future.

This isn't hard to comprehend at all. He doesn't want a relationship with you, but he doesn't want you to think badly of him, in case he fancies a booty call in the future.

I did have to hoot at 'wherever he is in the world' because I'm getting a mental picture of a man who would be hard-pressed to finance a weekend away in Bognor Regis and even then his mum would send him off with a nice packed lunch, a flask and a warm rug in case his car plays up again...

I'm sorry love, he really does sound like a complete drip.

I have no opinion on him but i am sending you a huge hug plumbing. Be gentle with yourself, dont beat yourself up, dont feel guilty, silly or any of those useless negative emotions. Learn from it and draw a line when you are ready, not everything in life is black and white. Ride it out, process your feelings and then release them, trust your instincts, turn it into a positive experience If you can. X

Hey Leaven, yes, pretty much turned out as you have stated. Your post made me laugh out loud! He did in fact say he didn't want me to have bad thoughts about him!

Jelly, thanks for the hug; much appreciated. I am lucky that I have some fab rl friends and have had some hugs today.

He has made his position clear and I need to move on. I think things are worse when tired, and am hoping after a good nights sleep, I will see things as they really are. In the words of this man "I am gorgeous, have an amazing figure, a great sense of humour, am sexy, intelligent and lovely company to be with". What's not to love! I asked if he would write my online dating speech!!

I think you'll look back and shake your head at ever liking this twerp, but I'm glad to have raised a smile. I hope you'll stop contact with him now.

Hi, feeling much better about things today. I looked back through the texts we had exchanged, and realise that I have been making pretty much all the running.

Not going to do that any more. He has not texted today and I shall not be contacting him.

Have taken off the rose tinted specs for sure and can see that he is quite a selfish person really, having not had to answer to anyone.

So, onwards and upwards. Going to focus on building myself back up (have lost 5 pounds in weight in the last bloody week) and start being happy!

Well, he is head effing me again.

I was very good. Did not text M yesterday and when he texted me I was just v short and factual.

He texted again to say he was not far from me and had to pull over cos he was feeling really light headed. I texted back saying hope he was ok. Eat/drink something blah.

He bloody phoned me.

Told me he missed me. Said he didn't think I knew how much he felt for me. Said the kids that I am voluntary classroom assistant for were lucky to have me as I am very loveable.

I didn't know what to say!

I know what I need to do, but it is so hard :( I just cannot cut my feelings for him.

Rambling again.

You can't cut off you feelings, no. And he knows that! He knows just what to do to keep the embers stoked. Stop texting! Don't engage with his feeling light headed nonsense.

You are right of course. I am so weak. Must try harder.