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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Booty call, or not?

49 replies

Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 13:43

I have been texting an old boyfriend, quite a lot recently.
Some sexual talk, some casual.

He works nightshift, and came over last night and well, you know what happened!

He stayed for a couple of hours after. Talking to me about work and things, and playing with my cat.

He text first thing this morning saying how tired he was.
I didnt mention anything of last night, and we ended up texting about a film we both liked.

I wish i did mention something! Even saying "had a great night" but dont want to seem cheesy.

I dont know if this was just a one night stand, or not. I would like to take things further, but do not have any idea what to do next!!

We split up just out of immaturity really. Nothing bad, we have got along since. That was a good few year ago.

Any help would be great, please.

OP posts:
tweetytwat · 07/12/2013 13:45

I think it will become obvious over the next week or two if it's the start of some kind of relationship or just a FWB thing.

Do you want a relationship with him?

tinkertaylor1 · 07/12/2013 13:48

Tricky .....

But I agree on pp. His intentions will become apparent over the next few days.

Do not sleep with him again on a casual basis so you don't turn in to a casual lay .

Original poster
Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 13:48

Yes, i would like that. Not in any rush though. But i definitely would not be able to continue doing a FWB kinda thing.

OP posts:
iklFaceOfBooe · 07/12/2013 13:51

I married my FWB Smile

Original poster
Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 13:51

So do you think i should lay low and let him make the next moves? If he asks for sex again, i will have to explain that i cannot be doing that, without knowing exactly where i stand.

I just wish i knew now! Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 13:52

Iklfaceofbooe - aww that is good to hear Smile

OP posts:
tinkertaylor1 · 07/12/2013 13:53

Yes whatwas see if he does the running. If he asks to come over late at night again, just ask whats going on so you are both on the same page.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 07/12/2013 13:54

Xmas Grin Lucky you - kind of.

You are friends - why not just talk to him, tell him how you feel.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 07/12/2013 13:55

This is 2013 isn't it?

You don't have to wait for him to chase you to prove a point, just talk to him!

Original poster
Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 13:56

Ahh because i am too nervous and terrified of rejection! I really wish i could do just that...
What i would say, or how i would say it. I have no idea

OP posts:
akawisey · 07/12/2013 13:58

I'm not a bloke but I've known a few Wink.

If it started on a sexual tone (including sexting) I'd say that's what's on his mind. Don't contact him first though. Wait and see what his next move is.

Original poster
Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 14:07

Thats the confusing thing. It didnt start off sexual. It gradually built up to that.
I now dont know if he just fancied a bit, or if he actually fancied a bit of me. Iykwim

Would a text of "soo...was last night just a one off?" Sound ok? Lol i am shit at this!! I am best off finding out co i cant take the not knowing what is what!

OP posts:
tweetytwat · 07/12/2013 14:27

I wouldn't text yet.

I also married DH after we started much the same. spent a night, didn't know if it would turn out to be a ONS or not but knew it would be either a ONS or a big thing just it wasn't going to be a short relationship IYKWIMGrin

Original poster
Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 14:28

I am too much of a wimp! Im going to be patient. You say his intentions will become apparent over the next few days. Surely i can wait a few days. It could be sooner!

On a positive side. He waited until i was ready. Thats a good thing, right?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 07/12/2013 14:29

OK the indications against it being a one night stand:

  • He stayed for a couple of hours afterwards and you talked about everyday things
  • He rang you first thing the next morning - this is unlikely to happen if he thought it was a one night stand
  • He said he was tired - this was definitely a reference to the night before, but he didn't say anything sexual, which I think goes in your favour
  • You've stayed friends since breaking up, so he obviously likes you

I'd let him do a bit of work now!

BalloonSlayer · 07/12/2013 14:33

You could text and say that your pussy was grateful that he played with her and wants to know if he's coming round again?

Original poster
Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 14:34

Aw tweetytwat, thst is good to hear! How did you cope with the not knowing afterwards lol Grin

Imperial - you made some brilliant points there.
When you put it like that - there really is no reason to text.

Thanx everyone! I suppose im best off enjoying this excitement, rather than worry about it Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 14:35

Haha balloon Grin

OP posts:
Wishihadabs · 07/12/2013 14:42

OP your post made me smile. It all sounds good. FWB can lead to other things, I'd keep it emotionally light.

tweetytwat · 07/12/2013 14:43

Erm I was a tad twitchy as we were work friends and colleagues Blush

We just arranged to meet again and from then on we were 'going out'. I did spend a few days thinking Argh how can I look him in the face ever again. I think it's more difficult in some ways when you are friends first, feels more embarrassing somehow.

But he sounds nice so far, and presumably the shag was pleasant enough, so the signs look pretty good Grin

tweetytwat · 07/12/2013 14:44

Must point out though, that being the slightly middleaged hag I am, I didn't have a mobile then so no need to worry about texts and FB and all that bollocks.

Original poster
Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 14:54

Thanx for sharing Smile
I agree it is hard when you are already friends. Especially if working together! Pleased to hear it all worked out well Grin

The signs are looking good really. Now they are all typed down, and with imperials version - nothing seems bad, at least!

I just need to find my patience now Hmm

Thank you all for your advice Thanks

OP posts:
Wishihadabs · 07/12/2013 15:01

Btw best sex I ever had was FWB (shhh don't tell DH). I think it's the combination of knowing each other well and anticipation.

Original poster
Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 15:10

Smile it was nerve racking coz it has been so long since i have been with him! But it was pretty damn good Grin

It seemed so easy for him. Not sure if that was because he felt comfortable with me, or if he is used to that Hmm

I am not. It isnt something i do. Im pretty sure he knows this. So...another good sign, maybe!

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwasthis · 07/12/2013 16:23

God i cannot take this! You hear all of the time to not do these things if you have feelings for the person. This is why!!

Unfortunately, its often feelings that get you into this position in the first place. Mehh Confused

OP posts:
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