DH complaining that I never have anything to say

[loopylouu]

And he's right, really, but the more he gets frustrated and angry about it, the more I withdraw.

He puts me under so much pressure to talk and be upbeat that it makes me go the other way sometimes.

I have virtually no self esteem anyway, and this is knocking me down as well. I really do have nothing to say though. I am at home all day, I am 24 weeks pregnant, I was studying prior to pregnancy but I am taking time out due to complications. I have an older hold from a previous relationship, but thats it. I lost the few friends I had when I split from my ex and I am not all that good with friendships really (I suffered horrendous bullying as a child so I never had friends at all as a child or teenager, so I missed out on learning about friendships). I have always been happier being a but of a loner.

He gets annoyed that I have no hobbies or any real interests, but I just don't. I moved across the country from a very rural location to a large city to be with him three years ago, my life prior to that was quite full, ds did some activities which took up time and I had friends through those, living so rurally has it's own distractions, I had a lot of animals to look after. Since moving here, my interests have gone really.

I had a shitty breakup with ds dad, he is still making life hard, I don't have the energy anymore to even think. I have felt so low and depressed for a few years which doesn't help.

I get very upset when he puts pressure on me and gets angry. He will literally get home and click his fingers in my face saying 'talk, come on, say something, anything'. I panic and it makes me feel so shit. I have nothing to say.

And all the time he's asking me 'what shall we do tonight' all the time. I am not a clown. When I turn it round and say 'well I don't know, what do you want to do' he gets in a stop and says he'll do his own thing then.

He's sometimes horrible to me but he says that's to provoke a reaction and to get me to respond. He has also stopped wanting to have sex as I don't stimulate him mentally apparently (another bone of contention, he doesn't have a high sex drive anyway, I always did, I've had to kill it for my own sanity since being with him) and when we do have sex, I am so pathetically grateful that he's showing me attention that it's all about him not me.

I am so miserable at the moment I don't know what to do.

I have tried talking to him, but he always turns everything around so I can't be bothered anymore.

I get lonely in the daytimes, but now I dread him coming in from work. And I know he does too, he's always saying how much of a laugh he has with people at work, how he looks forward to going in and chatting to them. It makes me feel even worse about myself, I cry all the time.

Pretty sure WA will help you with the scary practicalities like housing. You will get priority as a pregnant mother.

Do confide in your mw if you are planning to leave, she really should be supportive. Most mat units will have a specialist midwife for vulnerable women.

Finally, I send you best wishes for a much happier, stronger and more positive future. Maybe you'll meet some new friends through your new baby. Who knows what the future holds? One thing is, it doesn't sound like it will be much fun staying put.

Call them and start planning.

Re the housing situation. I'm in the north east. There's Loads of places to let here, seriously, there's 2 empty small 2 bed places a couple of miles away.been empty for months. Lovely places too.
We are dead rural and I think perple don't want to be stuck in a village.

If you like rural life, and have no ties why not contact WA and use their help to move yourself out into the county somewhere?

Just visualise it. You and you new little ones in a cosy cottage. Away from selfish wankers.

You could be happy as that nice photo again.....

If you're anywhere near Wolverhampton ill ask my mum. She has flats 2 bedroom an takes hb tbh a lot of places say they don't but they do, as long as you don't put yourself in bedroom tax territory you should be fine.
Then you can plan what next. If you seriously think he's capable of change (he'll need a big bloody motivator to completely change and have to be committed and realise what he's doing, not just say 'yes dear' then revert as soon as you're back together, commit to any counselling / groups / classes he needs to attend to drag him out of twat land) or if you simply want rid, but being somewhere away from the manipulative twonk will help you to make an informed decision and be able to stay away from him if that's what you choose to do. You would probably see improvement in both you and ds and want to stay on your own anyway

Loopy, just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. I'm so impressed with the kind words and deeds on this thread.

Keep posting. You will find strength here - it could make all the difference to you. I wish you the very best of luck.

I hope you're ok op just thinking of you and how you should be treated like a queen during your pregnancy, not like this. I've been there and it's not nice, plus your memories of pnd if you're anything like me anyway, will loom over you and this treatment is likely to sling you right back into that place.
Please, if you leave, set yourself up a support system, it's daunting but not as hard as it sounds, enrol in baby massage or parenting classes if your local sure start / children's centre offers them, they're a great way to meet other new mums, I don't know how old your DS is or even if you've said but there must be things you can do with him if he's young enough, or if school age, check out for any coffee mornings ect locally, I found going really hard but my advice is if you feel shy don't go once and never go again, I simply sat and listened to the mums with their lovely warm chatter and revelled in it being so different to p's twattishness, none of them ever pushed me to speak, or let there be any awkward silences, by the third session you couldn't shut me up and now I go every week. They allow me to take dd as she's a newborn, and someone always takes her when I go in now for a cuddle and it's lovely to have a coffee without worrying about splashing it on a baby (I barely put dd down as baby wear plus she has reflux and colic lol)
It will make such a change to have so e lovely adult conversation or even just to listen. My group is so so supportive and nothing said in the room leaves the room, so when you feel ready you might even chat to them about what you have with us.

Family support at children's centres is also geared different to ss, they seem to go on the lines that if mum is happy = happy children, so they support YOU and that's lovely too. The only time they would ever refer to ss is if there were concerns, that's why I prefer them to say, chatting to some other professionals iykwim ..
Anyway, just to say I'm rooting for you and reaching round your bump to give you an un-mumsnetty hug x