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Original poster

Your advice on getting a date!

36 replies

NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 19:59

So I'm in my 30s and recently out of long relationship. Really want to start dating again & there's this guy I like but I only know him through his work. He is always very nice and friendly when I go in. I have zero experience of doing this and the dos and donts so please help!!! No contact details. So the options are:

A- Going in and making up excuses to continue to be a customer. Give him my number that way. All very non-committal and may go nowhere.

B- Blatantly ask him out for coffee

C- Ask him to go for coffee to talk about possibly helping me with something vaguely connected to his work

D- Going in about something related to his work and hinting that on Thursday night I'll be at such and such a place. Hint!

WWYD?!?!

OP posts:
girliefriend · 03/12/2013 20:03

Do you know for def that he is single? It is important to establish this first Grin

I would go for B is so!!

Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 20:04

E. Option E I forgot about- go into his work and wait for HIM to do something haha! Or find out some things about him eg where he is to be found when he's not at work ;-)

Sigh. How are us single parents supposed to find people to date?!

OP posts:
Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 20:07

Girlie friend you have more confidence than me haha!

How would you establish if he has a girlfriend?

I know he doesn't wear a wedding ring and there has been some interesting eye contact/chemistry. He's always really familiar with me but he could just be being professional. What would you say or how would you find out if he's attached?

OP posts:
Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 20:10

Maybe there's something I could say about being single myself (without being obvious!) The thing is he isn't alone when I go in- there are coworkers there :-)

OP posts:
MikeWazowski · 03/12/2013 20:14

I'm watching very interestedly, I'm a single mum too, have been for about 2 years and I think meeting people is difficult. I've finally met someone through a group ds attends and I think he's single, certainly from the couple of conversations we've had about weekend plans etc he's never mentioned a significant other so I'm going to be brave next time I see him and ask about his Xmas plans, if his answer doesn't mention wife or partner then I will ask if he wants to meet up for a coffee / drink. Maybe you could try something similar OP - good luck

Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 20:17

I think I'm going to have to go in more often to be in a position to ask him about his Christmas plans :-)

OP posts:
MikeWazowski · 03/12/2013 20:23

You could always ask what their opening hours are and go from there, maybe try and go in at a quieter time if you can

Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 20:38

Sorry Mike what do you mean about the opening hours?

OP posts:
girliefriend · 03/12/2013 20:40

I would drop something into the conversation like 'so have you and your girlfriend got much planned over xmas?'

Hopefully he will say 'oh I haven't got a girlfriend and I was wondering if you would like to come to a xmas party with me?!'

Grin

As for meeting men I think internet dating os prob the way to go, it is very hit and miss but I have 3 close friends who are now married thanks to match.com and pof!!!

flatbellyfella · 03/12/2013 21:00

Ask him direct, if he has a partner that would mind if you took him out for a coffee one day. If it's yes, Sad if no Grin good luck.

Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 21:11

Wow you're all very liberated. Take him out for a coffee?

I am now considering option F- getting my friend (who goes in there) to find out for me if he's single :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 21:14

Well flat belly I said recently single but by recently I mean well over a year. I had a stint of Internet dating but wasn't very good for me imo. In RL, I'm quite attractive apparantly, online, I'm just another 'single mum.'

OP posts:
Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 21:15

Oh sorry that last msg was directed towards Girliefriend. Got mixed up!

OP posts:
ethlinn · 03/12/2013 21:19

I would mention Christmas shopping. Maybe ask if he's started yet, and if he's got loads lf gifts to get, it's such a nightmare when you do it last minute blah blah blah. People are usually keen to discuss what gifts they have bought and who they still need to buy for. I always moan about still having to look for OH's gift. Good luck!

ethlinn · 03/12/2013 21:20

I mean.. If he doesn't mention a girlfriend, chances are that there's no girlfriend Grin

Preciousbane · 03/12/2013 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ishesingle · 03/12/2013 22:34

NC for this!

I have the same issue, guy I work with who I know is divorced but I don't know if he has a GF. In chatting to him I found out he has a grown up DD who lives with him (lives with "him", not "us" = positive sign!). Also eavesdropping one day I heard him talk of taking out for evening "because she was promoted at work this week". No idea if that referred to DD or a GF! Feel if I ask another colleague it'll be gossip in 5 minutes. Don't feel I know him well enough to FB request him yet. Work not having a Christmas do so am frustrated with trying to think of ways to find out!

Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 22:54

What about if I ask him to do something work related for me and say I need it for the weekend because I'm doing Xxx and ask him what he's up to at the weekend himself... Then he'll either tell me about his girlfriend or else like the other poster said, he'll invite me to a lovely Christmas party ;-)

OP posts:
Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 23:11

Well I'm supposed to be going out for a few drinks with a group of people on Sat night so could be a good invite as its very casual...

OP posts:
Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/12/2013 23:17

But you're all totally right. There is zero point in wasting my time lusting after him if he's got a girlfriend so I really need to find out! I really hate making a first move. I'm already making a first move by going back in there! :-) Only on a day when I'm looking amazing and feeling great though...

OP posts:
Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 04/12/2013 11:53

What about addressing him a little note on front of envelope

Mark
Oxford Publishing Services
42 Islington Road
(Fictional don't get excited)

Inside envelope a little note:

Here's my number if you'd like to meet up sometime. Might be nice

Claire 077432076

OP posts:
Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 04/12/2013 11:54

Obviously adding a surname so he knows who I am!

OP posts:
Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 04/12/2013 11:57

I mean I don't know him at all so I'm not going to make out like I want him as a boyfriend as I don't know if I do, knowing nothing about him! :-) Also takes the pain out of a face to face enquiry about a girlfriend. If we did meet up, I could ask him about a girlfriend then! ;-)

OP posts:
Original poster
NewBeginningsSnoopy · 04/12/2013 11:59

Oh! I could even make it almost like a Christmas card :-) Might be cute? And then the ball could be in his court...

OP posts:
Turvytopsy · 04/12/2013 12:07

Ishesingle- can't you ask ask a colleague if he's single by saying you don't know what names to put on his Christmas card?

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