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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

social worker - initial assessment

32 replies

wontletmesignin · 02/12/2013 14:26

Sorry for posting here. I have no idea where else it could go.

I asked for an assessment to be done by social services.
They are coming on thursday when the kids have finished school for an initial assessment.

Im just wondering what this is exactly?
Has anybody had any experience with initial assessments?

OP posts:
JustMeh · 02/12/2013 14:57

They will talk to you and the dc.
They will ask to see the dc bedrooms. They came out to me because of an incident at dds school and I asked them to come out and they asked the dc if they could show them their bedrooms.
They sometimes ask to look in fridge/ cupboards but that maybe if you have been reported for neglect.
They are usually nice and chat to you and kids.
You wil then get a letter a couple of days letter with their findings.
Don't be scared it will be fine.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 02/12/2013 15:10

Thank you for that. It sounds pretty straight forward.

I asked them to come out regarding my ex.
Either way, im happy for them to do whatever needs done in order for my ds to be safe. If that means i need an assessment, then so be it.

I also wouldnt be surprised if he has at some contacted social services. He did threaten me with them.

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
uptheanty · 02/12/2013 15:15

Who is it coming out? Is it the Family Support team?

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 02/12/2013 15:24

uptheanty i am really not sure. Its quite possible. She did mention support.
She just said she was such and such from social services and that i had phoned with concerns wanting an assessment done. She then said she wanted to come and see me this week to do an initial assessment.

I had phoned them about my ex being emotionally and physically abusive, and how i dont feel 100% right giving contact, knowing how he was with my dc when i was with him.

Hope that helps you understand a little more

OP posts:
uptheanty · 02/12/2013 15:39

It's very good that you recognise that you need support op and that you aren't afraid to ask for it.

Family support and SW are very used to going into homes and are usually (hopefully) respectful.

I would write down some concerns that you have tonight in preparation. When there are people in our home ( it should be 2) it can cause us to ramble and then later we realise we've left out important information.

Try to stick to the facts and remain as focused as possible.

If there are no neglect concerns they may just want to focus this meeting on getting to know you and identifying your needs.

Feel free to pm me if you would like more info privately Smile

Meerka · 02/12/2013 16:11

write down ahead of time the abusive nature of your ex and quite a few specific instances of physical or other violence

let them know he's on bail atn because of breaking the harassment order

give them the number of your therapist

wishing you the best

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 02/12/2013 16:13

Thank you. Good thinking! I will write things down as i am terrible for things like that. Everything come to me afterwards!

I used to be terrified of SS until i left my physically abusive ex (different one to this). He reported me to get to me. Backfired on him because i was so grateful for the help and support i received Smile

This time round, i am a much stronger and i feel better parent than i was back then. So it cannot be bad for me.

Thank you for the advise and the offer of PM Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
wontletmesignin · 02/12/2013 16:15

Thank you for the advise meerka, they have spoken to my therapist. They had asked over the phone when i got in contact with them, if they could contact doctors, schools and therapist. I told them they could do anything they needed to.

It is hard to think of which to write down as there are so many! I suppose its good i have a couple of days to prepare!

OP posts:
Original poster
wontletmesignin · 02/12/2013 16:15

Thank you for the advise meerka, they have spoken to my therapist. They had asked over the phone when i got in contact with them, if they could contact doctors, schools and therapist. I told them they could do anything they needed to.

It is hard to think of which to write down as there are so many! I suppose its good i have a couple of days to prepare!

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 02/12/2013 16:15

I did it.
They didn't look in the DC rooms or in my fridge Grin
They came, had a chat, arranged a follow up appointment and left.
They were great, actually.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 02/12/2013 17:16

Thats good, katie. Thank you Smile

I have managed two full pages, and still no where near enough to explain things! These are just pin points too - and only inolving things with the kids! God what was i thinking!!!

Cant believe i put my kids through that for so long Sad

OP posts:
ThePlEWhoLovedMe · 02/12/2013 18:17

Don't beat yourself up - completely unhelpful.

As a SW who undertakes IA's it is nice to see that so many on this thread have had a good experience with the Children's Service.

OP - I think your questions have al been answered - good luck and I hope you get the support you need.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 02/12/2013 22:25

Thank you thepiewholovedme

Yes, my questions have all been answered. Thank you all Smile xx

OP posts:
Original poster
wontletmesignin · 05/12/2013 16:46

Update:

SW was lovely. I gave her a ten page long description which she said she will use in the IA.

She agreed with my decision and said SS will back my decision. She advised me to let him make the next move and for him to take it to court - if he does. Then he can be placed on the course similar to the freedom programme - on abuse though, learning about his behaviour. Which can take up to a year she said.

She said that it is my responsibility to safeguard my children - if anything was to happen when in his care, it would backfire on me as I know what he is like.

So she said to remember that when i felt guilty over stopping contact.
She didnt search my house. She was very positive and nice. It went very well. So, im pleased and understand that i am doing the right thing!

OP posts:
Original poster
wontletmesignin · 05/12/2013 16:47

And i understand, i meant.

OP posts:
woollytights · 05/12/2013 16:51

That's very good news OP Smile

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 05/12/2013 17:25

Grin it is, thank you!

OP posts:
Meerka · 05/12/2013 22:34

so pleased to hear it went well :) they are quite a support from the sound of it. And they absolutely back goign NC and in fact, tell you that you need to.

couldn't be better :) hope you are feeling good tonight.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 06/12/2013 07:58

Thank you! Oh im feeling so much better now meerka. I feel i can relax a bit now. I also had the DV officer here sorting security out. So she is getting the locks changed and adding little latches on.

His name still has been mentioned, even by his ds. He has mentioned his nana, but not him.

OP posts:
Original poster
wontletmesignin · 06/12/2013 07:58

Hasnt been mentioned **

OP posts:
Meerka · 06/12/2013 08:30

excellent that the DV officer came.

other more experienced heads will know better than me but might your children need a bit of specialized child counselling and support? they must have been through hell, as well as you. Just a thought.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 06/12/2013 08:39

My dd is waiting for an appointment. She definitely could use it. It is plain to see that it has affected her. Sad
My boys all seem fine atm.

My oldest ds may need some as he tends to ignore things, which doesnt resolve things. He seems fine, but i know he might not be deep down.

My youngest boys seem far, far happier. Ds with my ex has actually lost all of the rage he had before. My two younger ds seem to have drastically improved.
I will keep my eyes peeled. My therapist is coming again today, so i will have a good talk to him about it, too.

That is the worst thing about it for my oldest dc. It wss only a year ago when their dad cut off completely from them. I thought i was i was bringing stability, when i was allowing a bully to bully and make matters worse. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
wontletmesignin · 06/12/2013 08:40

Maybe a little longer than a year. Either way - it is still raw, for dd especially

OP posts:
PointyChristmasFairyWand · 06/12/2013 13:01

I think it's wonderful that you have done this. It takes real strength to admit you need help and then go out there and get it. Flowers

A good friend of mine reported herself to SS when she was pg with her first as she had had a very abusive upbringing and was worried she would repeat the pattern. She got lots of support and praised them to the sky - and of course she is an excellent parent with that much insight.

Sometimes SS get it wrong, like everyone else, but they are not the enemy.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 06/12/2013 15:52

Thank you Smile you are right, they are not the enemy. I hear of so many people giving SS such a bad name, and i could never agree as they have done nothing but help me.

It is good to hear about your friend. You do gain a lot of insight when working with SS, HV, nursery, schools etc. Rather than against them.

I have had them in the past due to my eldest dc dad on a power trip. They were fantastic and gave me help at every angle when and where it was needed Grin

OP posts:
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