Is my relationship over?

[yeahyeah75]

My BF wants kids NOW and I'm just not "there" yet, hence 9 year relationship might be over.

Will I ever be "there?" What if I don't want children but I have one to please him and I hate it but it's too late? He is 33 and I'm 28 so I feel like I still have time. :0(

At the minute it is destroying us and forgotten how to be happy together.

Op everyone is different. I am 37 and conceived in the first month. My friend needed IVF not because she couldn't convince but because he had very low sperm count. Everyone else in my life all had children in their mid the late 30s and no one struggled to conceive . It's a lottery.

But ultimately it comes down to the same thing. Do you want a child right now? Do you want a child with him? Do you want to finically support him and are you happy for him to be a SAHD? If you are unsure about any of those questions then you need to seriously consider whether having a child right now is the right thing to do. But, you also need to consider what's more important, staying with him and accepting the above or possibly breaking up if he can't accept your decision.

Whatever you do. It has to be the right thing for you.

I don't think he sounds abusive or nasty. What I don't agree with is people putting their partners under pressure to have a child when the other person isn't ready. I think that's wrong.

I would continue to work full time and he would be SAHD, it would be a struggle but I guess we could manage

My BF wants kids NOW

If you really want children, you don't tie it into giving up work and being a SAHD, especially for one child. That makes me think he wants it more for the lifestyle, to give up work and to tie you to him, so you won't leave him and disrupt this rather nice lifestyle he will have created for himself.

Meanwhile, you go out to work to support his ambitions. What about you as a person? Where is his care and concern for you, and what you want?

A lot of decent men would also prioritise marriage before children, not all, but if he is so keen, why on earth hasn't he proposed? Or set any of the other foundations for having a child, such as buying a house, obtaining a secure job, etc?

I would say all of this to a woman who wanted to be a SAHM for the same reasons too.

He sounds awful. Run, before you end up posting on here in a few years time about how to be a single mother and what are your chances of getting custody when he is a SAHD.

You also sound like you are under his control, or at least someone's control, as what you write is peppered with self depreciating remarks made by others - you are "selfish", some people think 28 is old, etc..