New relationships - impatience and idiots!

[LetsCancelChristmas]

I separated from my husband a year or so ago and my divorce came through around a month ago. I'm past that, I went to Relate, I dealt with his infidelity and looked at my role in our many many problems.

But now the dating!!! What a bloody saga. I've dated younger, older, hot hot hot, less than hot, a bit boring.... The problem is, this last guy was a gem. Or so I thought. We started dating a month ago. Sweet, kind, affectionate, generous, a little older, cheated on by his ex wife (3 years ago) and had a difficult relationship with a new woman about 18 months ago. We had a weekend away... and he seems to have gone nuts!

I asked him if we were exclusive after our weekend away, explained that I wasn't intending to see anyone else and just wondered if he felt the same. He was realy annoyed. Said he felt as if I was accusing of something and why would I do that. That he was a decent genuine guy and would never never date anyone else whilst he was gettint to know someone.

I felt awful. Trouble is, my close freinds are on the OD curcuit too and had seen his profile "online" on several occasions lately. He explained it away as must have opened a message or something... I felt torn. I asked him what was going on. Said he's confused, unsure, doesn't know what he wants. So I said - lets leave it at that then shall we, because I like you and if you don't feel the same.... But he very much wanted us to keep talking while he thinks things through.

Trouble is, after a few days his messages are infrequent, he never calls any more, he replies to text with things like "sorry I was too busy to reply, I will later..." So I've said today - essentially - that if he just doesn't feel for me the way he seemed to a couple of weeks ago then I don't see how time and space away from me is going to fix that.

a) Is he an arse who's playing me and I'm so very much wanting to be loved again thatn i'm clinging to any chink of light that he's a good guy.

b) Am I unreasonable and he's just a bit scared and I should have given him the time to think that he asked for patiently and with good grace.

Oh deary deary me!!!
Thanks loves x

Oh mope away rainbow that's what we're here for. It's a buggar when you're all stirred and "awakened" huh. Much easier not to realise what you're missing out on. No small part of my wanting to drive to Country Mouse's house is what I'm missing hmmmmmmm

Date 10 dont? Oh I think perhaps I'm a floozy! I've been a date 3/4/5 kinda girl. In fact I was a little annoyed when FootieFittie and I never actually did get as far as the (possibly would have been disappointing now I think about it) elusive sex. He bless him was all "we hardly know each other!" after date approx 6 I think it was. The issue I took with that was that he certainly didn't have a problem with getting his goodies just short of going the whole hog... My BFF says he was likely to a premature kinda guy..!

Shall start that as my own mantra I think sebsmum

That's what I realised I think Timein - that it's just rude!
Polite and kind costs nothing in the words of my dear old nan

rainbow mope away, that's what anonymous internet sites were invented for! I'm sure lets won't mind a bit of moping on her thread :)

Don't settle, being single is so much better than being with the wrong person. I remember that my Ex used to annoy me so much that, as our relationship limped towards the finish line, even the way he walked irritated me. That's how you end up if you settle. And its not fair on the other person.

If it helps, I get the 'out of ones league' thing all the time. I am convinced that even though he's a fair bit older the man I'm seeing is well out of mine (my friends are of the view he's lucky to get a hot young thing like me...ok, bit of poetic licence on their part, I'm not that young, though I look good for my age. And prob not as hot as I think I am!) But he is clever, and talented, and funny, and very lovely. Has a spotlessly clean bathroom and a set of Denby china . He also is quite posh. I am - despite (somehow!) having a professional type important job, a bit of a council estate chav. He listens to Radio 4, I watch TOWIE .

Hence I remain convinced he is out of my league and eventually come to his sense and go off with a girl called Fiona or Pippa, who rides, and has shiny straight hair and buys her clothes in the White Company and Hobbs (rather than Primark and H&M)... :)

I think we all do that. I try to think though that they're lucky to have me and try and act like I feel good about myself, even if I don't. I'm starting to master acting bright and breezy. I think the reason I let them pursue me, is that then I really know they like me. As opposed to I'm making it work and limp on. If I don't hear from them again, I think they don't like me enough or have found someone they like better and just think 'fine' and next! Back online I go. Iyswim?

I dunno, I make it up as I go along. My skin is getting thicker daily.

Oh yeah, big Spoon is the one, OP.

I am not against being single but I need to have the attention of at least 1 man... Texts, FB flirting that kind of thing!! ... Already thinking of re-doing my dating site profile!! I am a flirt & a floozy can't help it!! I know it's shallow but I want to be desired & it's always the not so attractive ones that desire me! I want the man (trying to think of a nickname for him) "Goldie" shall be his nickname!! I won't ever ask for anything else if only Goldie would knock at my door tonight & ..... You know!!!

Oh absolutely, its terribly hard to think of yourself as a catch I'd say. Though I do have my temper tantrum moments where I just think for heaven sake you utter fucktard i'm a decent person, I do nice things for people, i'm kind and honest and smell nice... what MORE DO YOU WANT?!?!? FootieFittie referred to me a hottie. I was rather fond of him Breezy is the toughest of all the states to master I'd say. I've never quite pulled that one off.

Thanks runner you do make me smile. Oh how id dearly love to pop the most recent photo of "his tan" on here and show you what I mean He misses having a LittleSpoon apparently...

See all I can think of now rainbow is Goldie as in the rapper... All blingin' and gold teeth and shoutin cockney innit...

Let's... Ha ha.. Not Goldie for that reason.

I was chatting to him today & thinking I wonder what other women would think of him, I think he is lush but my friends don't really, they say he is fat! He isn't small & when he laughs he has about 3 chins & no neck! We live in a place where there are not many single people (small village, near a small town) so I wonder what his options are... How much better can he do.. Will he realise that in a while & settle for me when he's tired of looking!! Gosh... I'm a sad case aren't i?!

See, I do think I am a catch, in some ways. I'm pretty, I have a good figure (with clothes on at least!), I'm clever, funny, kind. I have a great degree, a good job and a nice house and lifestyle. But I am not (and never will be) posh. I couldn't even pass for middle-class. I am proper council house, estuary English common.

Which has never mattered before, cos I've always dated blokes where I live, who think because I've been to uni and don't drop my aitches, that I am posh. But they aren't clever enough, and end up intimidated by me...which leads me to the current chap.

And really my only conclusion is this dating stuff is hard work!

3 chins and no neck... I spat my drink a little. I'm quite easy to make laugh but even so! Dunno about sadcase rainbow but you might just be a nutcase. A fella your friends think is fat with multiple chins, but you think is a hottie and YOU are worried HE is out of YOUR league. Oh I think there is likely nothing to worry about here sweetie pops

Beauty is, officially, in the eye of the beholder. Fact.

I think he has one of those clever mirrors that make you look better than you are!!! & I need to go to spec savers!!!

Hmm, do you watch a little too much Downton french?

All this class business... whatever will we do with you! See you sound like a catch to me. Maybe the selection of "special" fellas you've dated before are intimidated because, er, they should be? Man up young lady!!! (get me being all fierce...) Your summary's spot on though. What a faff.

See that's where FotieFittie ultimately came a cropper. He apparently decided after a protracted and ridiculous liaison that i was "a bit too good for him actually". God love him he'd evene had a heart to heart with his mum who told off for messing me about and acting like a knob! Sadly he remained, and I suspect, ever shall be... a knob.

I haven't felt conscious of the whole class thing since uni where I was always made to feel like a bit of an oik cos I didn't have a private education, 4 middle names and a trunk with my initials on...!

I think with the current chap it's more in my head than real. I just need to get a grip!

On which note (and because I'm never one to pass up an opportunity for innuendo) we appear to be on for our (first- and hopefully not last!) night of passion, in 48hrs time...eek!

48 hours.... Oh French that's a whole different thread!! X

Nails painted? Legs etc waxed?

New underwear?

Lucky thing. Enjoy and please tell us all about it after. Well not in all its full gory detail, but a little would be great. We'll all live vicariously through you

Sooooo... the CountryMouse text me!

I think i'm infuriated rather than dying for him to love me!
He didn't reply to any of my messages (painful reminder that there were in fact FOUR that went unresponded. Ahem) because he was - I QUOTE - pretty pissed off about the whole thing and didn't want to say anything stupid.

Number 1 - What WHOLE THING? He asked for space and I asked a couple of times what that bloody well meant...

Number 2 - HE was pissed? HEEEEEE was pissed?? I see. It's like that is.

I'm a little bit seething! (and if completely honest with myself the teensiest bit hopeful that he's come to his sense, isn't a dick after all, wants to shower me with love forever, will make me laugh every day for all eternity and we'll have highly beautiful babies)

Yes. I am a nut.

Make CountryMouse wait awhile before replying. Maybe tomorrow morning and when you reply keep it short, light & breezy. So you're busy, happy and haven't thought about him at all. Lol

Oh I managed a couple of hours dont... that's pretty good for me! I was breezy but said - yep, i was pissed off too! Then how delightful my weekend was... How well work was going...

He'll dwell on it for a day or two and reply again. I've got the measure of this one now! Oh I'm resolute we're done. Done like a done thing. Just want the last word I guess!!

Maintain dignity if you can. No more texts unless he contacts you first and def wait a few hours to reply each time. Well done for waiting a couple to reply. Bet that threw him.

Send only short and sweet ones. Sending more than one indicates you care too much. Just reply eventually to his.

I reckon he'll come to his senses in the end if you're hands off. But you may not want him by then

That's my baby steps tactic. Not because I want CountryMouse to be my one (he's clearly a big sulky baby) but because if I don't learn anything from dating and relationships - then what's the point?!

So there will categorically be no more texts at all if he never replies again. I'm VERY stubborn once I'm decided about something and never ever an immediate reply. Its only been such a ball ache as I've had a few days off work - back tomorrow so replying promptly wont be an option anyway No dont, I don't think I will want him by then, don't think I do now! (She says convincingly...)

Do you ever bump into him? Make sure you look nonchalant and gorgeous too

indeed!

No, unfortunately not, we don't live or work close to each other. I did however log back into my POF in a "see my life goes on and I won't be on the shelf for long" mini protest. I'm sure he'll neither look nor notice, and the last thing I feel like right at the mo is dating another numpty... but there we are!

Let's... To receive a text is even more annoying than not receiving one.... In our nutcase world!! Especially when he won't respond to your reply for a couple of days!!! Game player me thinks!!