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Original poster

Am i overreacting - dp apparently dreaming about female friend and telling her!

26 replies

chargingforcover · 30/11/2013 21:33

Read a text convo on dp's phone to a female friend of his who I don't really know - she'd sent him an innocent enough message and he replied that he'd had a dream about her recently. She asked what had happened and he didn't go into details but pretty obviously hinted that it had been a sexy dream. I was shocked and a bit upset. I know he can't help what he dreams about but why would he tell her? I told him it was creepy and really inappropriate but he says he just thought it was funny and doesn't understand why i'm upset.

Am I being silly or is this really out of order?

I don't normally worry or feel the need to check up on him - he asked me to check his phone looking for something else which is how i saw it.

OP posts:
cheapskatemum · 30/11/2013 21:37

I think if there was anything to worry about he'd have deleted the messages before letting you anywhere near his phone.

Original poster
chargingforcover · 30/11/2013 22:08

Maybe, but he still doesn't seem to get my point that even if he said it innocently she could easily get the wrong idea

OP posts:
heartisaspade · 30/11/2013 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 30/11/2013 22:12

To be honest i often dream about random people, and often tell them aswell

However, if it was a sex dream about somebody then i wouldnt be telling them because, as you say, they could get the wrong idea and take it as a come-on

JeanSeberg · 30/11/2013 22:14

What a disrespectful arse.

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 30/11/2013 22:15

In fact, if i told somebody id had that sort of dream about them then i probably would be coming on to them

WaitingForMe · 30/11/2013 22:21

I've had sex dreams about people but I tell DH not the person I've dreamt about. Telling your partner makes it silly and of no consequence. Telling the person is a come on.

Original poster
chargingforcover · 01/12/2013 15:08

Glad it's not just me who thinks its inappropriate cause its basically a come on. he's still arguing that there's nothing wrong with it so i don't know what to do, don't want this to be a huge deal but makes me wonder what else he's saying if he thinks this is ok

OP posts:
MrsMoon76 · 01/12/2013 15:10

You only tell someone you had a sex dream about them as a subtle way of coming on to them - I would be more than a bit pissed off with him.

Lweji · 01/12/2013 15:29

Ask him what if you had done the same or a friend of yours had told you this.

I agree it's highly disrespectful.

Putitonthelist · 01/12/2013 15:33

I agree with the other posters - telling someone that you've had a sexual dream about them is a come on, I've done it myself.

FolkGirl · 01/12/2013 15:47

I agree it's a come on. I've done it too.

BOF · 02/12/2013 01:12

How long have you been together? I think that it is hugely inappropriate- as others have said, it's one thing to tell your partner, and another thing entirely to tell the person involved. It's flirting, no question.

I'd be sorely tempted to bin him, tbh.

Original poster
chargingforcover · 02/12/2013 08:29

We have been together 2 years and I am pregnant.

He says he wouldn't mind if I had said this which is blatently not true

OP posts:
Needadviceandfast · 02/12/2013 14:08

How did she respond, have you ever met her and if so do you feel there was anything more than friendship between them? I agree that it's not right, I wouldn't be happy if I was I'm your shoes.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/12/2013 14:35

I hope he's not adjusting his thinking towards you now you're expecting. You don't stop deserving his attention or consideration at the point you are facing a new chapter. Inappropriate at any time when you're with someone and now it's not going to ease your mind.

I would suggest before this pregnancy advances much further you talk very frankly about where you both stand on commitment, teamwork, attitudes and prospects. It is only heavy or making a deal out of it because it jars with what dependable sincere partners in a monogamous relationship usually do.

PrincessScrumpy · 02/12/2013 14:43

I might tell a friend if I have a dream - usually really odd type dreams but no way would I tell a friend of the opposite sex if it was a sex dream - just asking for trouble. Is dh really that naive? (in fairness my dh is pretty naive and oblivious to flirting) Sound like your dp is just being thoughtless rather than looking for an affair (I hope for your sake), but no it definitely could be easily interpreted as flirting. It how these things start and so completely inappropriate.

TheFabulousIdiot · 02/12/2013 16:39

I work with someone who claims to dream about me. We are work 'friends' but I really frigging hate it when he tells me about his dreams. He has a partner so I always respond by asking how she is to shut him up.

There is no way on earth that anything would ever happen between me and him.

Original poster
chargingforcover · 02/12/2013 17:35

Her response was just something like "lol ok then" so can't really tell whether she really thought it was funny or just found it awkward

He's known her about a year, doesn't see her or normally mention her that much so I've never really thought about her before. I haven't met her.

He's not normally flirty (in front of me anyway) but he's not stupid and clueless about it which is why I can't believe he didn't know how it could sound

OP posts:
cheapskatemum · 02/12/2013 22:19

I have been called naive before about this sort of thing, so may not be the best person to advise, but it's the fact he was so carefree about you seeing the text & therefore finding out about the whole thing that makes me think there was no flirtatious intent on his part.

Original poster
chargingforcover · 03/12/2013 23:06

Thanks cheapskatemum, I'd like to believe that but he wasn't actually that carefree about it. I wouldn't normally use his phone and when I said about it seemed like he'd forgotten it was there and then he was keen to get it back from me

OP posts:
tribpot · 03/12/2013 23:11

I would find it super-creepy if some guy I knew to be in a relationship told me he had had one of 'those' dreams about me - Envy

Neitheronethingortheother · 03/12/2013 23:16

I have told people before but not as a comes on more for a laugh. Think it depends on both the person and the relationship with the other person. Normally the standard response is - was I any good? Not sure dh would appreciate me telling someone but I am an open book, can't hold my own piss sorta person

Pancakeflipper · 03/12/2013 23:18

I agree it's odd to tell someone that you have had a sexy dream about them if you aren't flirting/letting them know you are interested in them.

I had a sexy a dream about a friend once and no way I would text them to let them know, in fact I was embarrassed when I next saw them just in case they could read my mind.

Rockinhippy · 03/12/2013 23:29

TBH he sounds a bit thick to me, yes I believe from what you say abiut his phone etc, that he probably does think its an innocent enough bit of fun.

But he has no clue how the friend would see it & therefore is risking it been seen as a come on & disrespectful to his relationship with you, don't think he's an arse for being to dim to see that in the first place, but he is being an arse for not listening to you & understanding your POV