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Original poster

am I too reclusive?

57 replies

MrsMiniver · 30/11/2013 13:41

I'm in my mid 50s and after a life of drama relationships-wise, I'm very happy on my own with a teenage daughter, a close relationship with my family, a couple of good friends and a dog. Plus a part-time job that gives me plenty of contact with colleagues and a lovely home which is all my own. I dislike socialising, not because I have social anxiety or am shy, but because my preference is to either spend time alone (reading, pottering, walking) or to have at most a weekly drink or coffee with a friend that doesn't last more than a couple of hours. I prefer deep conversation about a particular subject rather than chit-chat which bores me senseless. I never phone people for a chat (apart from my mum who I speak to everyday) and keep visitors to an absolute minimum. Having said that I really enjoy talking to strangers, maybe because I don't feel trapped

I feel though as if I have to constantly justify my behaviour, both to myself and others, because being extraverted and sociable and having loads of friends seems to be considered essential in today's society. Can anyone relate to this?

OP posts:
Daykin · 30/11/2013 13:45

I'm introverted. I love an occasional meet-up but I need my own space. DP works long hours and is often away but much as I love him couldn't have him hanging over me night after night whereas my eldest sister will often have a friend or our mum over if her DH is away for a night. Being introverted is very different from being isolated or friendless.

dingledongle · 30/11/2013 13:50

I can relate completely to your post. I have a few close friends who
I meet with occasionally. I am a very social person in that I can talk with anyone about anything. However, I am quite happy in my own company, do not desire to go out with groups of people etc.

I would rather have a few close relationships than lots of shallow, surface friendships.

It would be boring to all be the same, so do not justify yourself. Many people are probably envious of your self sufficiency!

Original poster
MrsMiniver · 30/11/2013 13:57

I'm not alone in my love of being alone then :)

OP posts:
Roussette · 30/11/2013 14:01

Mrs M... you sound totally comfortable with yourself and happy and I think it is a great asset to enjoy your own company. You do NOT have to justify in any way, shape or form. There is a social thing that happens here once a week but I just do not want to do it every week - too much like groundhog day and a repeat of the week before. I'm happy to go occasionally. I used to feel I had to justify why I didn't want to go but as time's gone on, I thought "why do I have to? I'm not letting anyone down by not going, I just don't want to go". So I've stopped the justification and politely say "no I'm not going this week."

You live your life like you want to - it sounds idyllic to me!

Lweji · 30/11/2013 14:06

Similar here. I enjoy meeting and talking to people, but won't call for chit chats either, and quite enjoy having time on my own.

Being an extrovert is overrated, and I find it a bit sad if people can't stand to spend time alone, TBH.

HogiBear27 · 30/11/2013 20:43

I'm very much in the same boat. I have a good laugh with the people I work with and some good friends but I am quite happy in my own company. I do sometimes miss having someone who would like to go and do things like Go ape (as I enjoy being outside) but in the grand scheme of things its not a major worry. I'm quite happy today because I have all my little bits done that needed doing and I'm meeting my friend and her daughter for lunch and Chritsmas fun tomorrow. I'm so excited that I will meet a reindeer!

Littlestrickle · 30/11/2013 20:52

I could have written your post MrsMiniver - except I'm 10 years younger with no children. Don't feel you have to justify your behaviour - just make yourself happy. Life's too short to please others.

lookingfoxy · 30/11/2013 20:55

Sounds a bit like my ideal life except I have a dp and 2 kids, im very content in my own company and enjoy a natter with strangers as there's no commitment iykwim.

Upcycled · 30/11/2013 20:58

Exactly the same here. But sometimes is difficult to dodge the extroverts who wants company at every minute of a spare time or the lonely people who cries when all by themselves.

Busybusybust · 30/11/2013 21:03

And me. I'm a widow in my 60s, grown up children. I still work full time, and have lots of friends, but I really like being on my own. My best friend just doesn't understand me at all!

I do phone friends for a chat, particularly best friend, and sister and children, but not very often. I hate parties, and crowded social situations in general

Original poster
MrsMiniver · 30/11/2013 21:19

So glad I posted, feel much happier in my own skin tonight :) and that means I'm on the sofa with the dog and will be going to bed soon with a good book. You all sound really content and I'll remember that when I'm thinking that I ought to get out more.

OP posts:
Chesntoots · 30/11/2013 21:25

I'm glad its not just me. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me.

People do comment sometimes and there are times when I get a bit lonely and just fancy company for a meal etc.

However, most of the time I'm very happy that I can do what I want, when I want. I love going on holiday on my own.

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter · 30/11/2013 21:25

Me too. I think I'm a social introvert. Happy on my own a lot of the time, but enjoy occasional social outings.
Hate parties (I'm supposed to be going to a Christmas party, with people I like and I'm sure it'll be fun, but sadly I'm already looking for ways to get out of it).

Original poster
MrsMiniver · 30/11/2013 21:31

*Chestnoots" do you have a friend you can see occasionally? I do enjoy having a meal say once a month with someone. And holidays can be so rewarding if you don't have to consider anyone else.

OP posts:
HarryStottle · 30/11/2013 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chesntoots · 30/11/2013 21:44

I go out once or twice a month with a good male friend, which is nice.

I turned 40a couple of weeks ago and I'm now thinking "sod it - I'm going to start doing stuff on my own".

Very liberating knowing you are capable of living and doing things on your own! Love it!

sunbathe · 30/11/2013 21:53

MrsM, your life sounds great.

OHforDUCKSchristmascake · 30/11/2013 22:10

You sound exactly like my mum. And my mum is awesome.

Literally on one of the best people on earth.

Im 31 and your life sounds blissful.

daphnesglasses · 30/11/2013 22:13

you sound great Smile

TodaysAGoodDay · 30/11/2013 22:29

You sound just like me, MrsMiniver. If I do see a friend once a month I have to go to her house as she has very bad arthritis in her knees and can't drive. If I'm there longer than an hour or two I get very twitchy to go home. I love the idea of going on holiday, and usually have a great time while I'm away, but I much prefer to be at home instead. I dislike it when people just knock on the door and invite themselves in for a tea 'because you're all alone, I thought you'd want some company'. TBH sometimes I don't answer the door. I work part-time, and the others in the office can't understand why I don't go out at the weekend.
I do have a 7yr old, but luckily for me he is just as much an introvert and home-lover as me, most weekends I offer him the choice of softplay, the animal park, aquarium, play park down the road, or to have one of his class mates over, and 9 times out of 10 he says 'I just want to stay at home'.
It's lovely and we're both very happy how it is.
You are definitely not alone in how you feel, and IMO it is far better than spending every day in the company of other (some quite boring) people.

lobsterkiller · 30/11/2013 22:36

I am pretty introverted too. I love my walking, reading or just being in the home pottering about. I do have friends and I am sociable at work but in my own time I just love being in my own company or with my family.

Terrortree · 30/11/2013 22:56

I really enjoy my own company and rarely get bored. I don't work anymore and not having to do the Christmas parties this year is one I relish. I have a small number of excellent friends but I live a long way from them so mostly I speak to contractors who are building my place but few others most days! Bliss!

However, others seem to pity me - and they aren't shy about telling me that they worry for me. But actually, I'm mighty fine with my life. I wouldn't describe myself as introverted or shy. I just am okay with being by myself.

expatinscotland · 30/11/2013 22:59

It's your life, you live it how you see fit.

Dirtybadger · 01/12/2013 01:54

I don't see any problem. I haven't had a coffee or drink with a friend for years. I suppose I don't have any. I am close to my sister and mum though and that's enough for me. Dogs and the DP (and even then I don't see much of him) are enough for me. I'm introverted and maybe suffer with social anxiety but to be honest I just prefer my own company and the company of animals. I work pt in healthcare so get some human interaction from patients and colleagues. It's enough for me.
Drinks once a week sounds highly social to me! I couldn't keep up with that.

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