four weeks.post csection advice on partner ......

[danibear123]

Hi so where do a start my sons four weeks old a had very high risk bad preg then baf csec grade four previa lost 2/3 litres off blood bad bad pregnancy any way rewind till now . My partner the babys father has always been their fr me during pregnancyand alway been so excited happy to be father and loved our son so much now the past week all sudden we havnt seen him at all 7 days ta
oday hes been staying ones his best mates my mil has been up everyday at thia friends having a go at him for obvious reasons cause no one can understand it hes promised to come home eveeyday this week and keeps letting us down now this is out blue hes suddenly.not interested in being dad not helped nor asked bout his son been with his mates full time putting them bfr us now hes completely changd out blue he was great dad an dp can anyone shed light or advice on what they thinl going on going out mind here on own like av lost my dp and babys father as hes completely changed advice imput please

Sounds like he was on board with the idea of being a father but bailed out when the reality was harder than he imagined.

Are you living together? How old are you both?

Do you think that you could cope financially without his input?

Not sure why he's like this, but it sounds really tough for you, so sorry you're going through this.

It is a big adjustment for dads too - maybe he just needs a bit of space to get his head round it all? Still really bad of him not to support you and not discuss his plans with you.

What does mil think? Can she talk to him about why he's gone?

hi there were both 23 but have so far had healthy realationship and yes i could cope financially its all such big shock as hes acting as if hes done doing nothing wrong i mean i cant get my head round it doesnt add up hes been such good dad through preg birth n up till this past week . yes well his mother thinks reality has hit but is shocked yeah we live together but close friend hes with at moment he lived with before hand i know he loves me and his son but what man would do this its like hes changed over night almost acting as if he aint father and we dont cease too excist 7 days its been its not right too me ......x

maybe he just needs a bit of space to get his head round it all?

But the OP doesnt get that choice does she?

Sorry Sephy not having a go at you, but the idea that a man can just take off for a few weeks post birth because he needs time to adjust really pisses me off. What the hell would happen if us girls did that?!

This man sounds incredibly childish and immature, which is why I asked how old they are. This woman is at home with their baby, his mother is giving him hell and yet he still spends his time with his mates. I think that the OP needs to consider whether this man is a life partner that she can rely on or not.

hi SEPHY yes hard time as still recovering csec trying run the house be mum and do everything on my own my mil is been a godsend yes shes spoke to him and is disgusted with him he feels like everyones getting on at him but can you blame us hes basically just dissapeared not checked on us asked how son is no help or seen him fr a full week a cant stand be away from son for fiv mins never mind week it hurts because unsure why acting like this sorry it must sound so complicated but is to me too am trying to understand as this isnt the man a know.x

dani

I think that you need to stop being so passive. Instead of waiting for him to come home or contact you, you need to get fucking angry.

Text this

"We had this baby together, yet you have left me alone to look after him. If you are not home within 24 hours and pulling your weight with our child then I will assume that our relationship is over and will discuss access via solicitors"

And stick with it. Not just him being home, but him pulling his weight. If he doesnt then sling him out! Contact the CSA and make sure he pays his due.

Hopefully he will step up, but there is a fair chance that he wont, so you need to be prepared for that.

Take care x

hi BOGEY yes i know thats what i was discussing today if us woman did that we would get slated and have social chapping down the door . ITs not fair sadly that men do get away with it we did have difficult preg a few major things that affected both off us its the only thing i can think may be affecting him but should not make him this way and just walk out and yet he thinks he is doing nothing wrong which makes it 100 times worse av been looking after son 24 hourz day for week alone its his son too am so angry hurt upset a whole lot off emotions bcause i just dont know why ....x

BOGEY yes trust me the pass seven days iv been angry sad pissed off fuming av texted him very similar texts but few hours go told him if he lets us down again tomorrow al asume hes no longer interested yes his mothers told me do exact same she wantz nothing else do with him they werent close in first place..x

I can tell you why.

Because he is selfish and cares more about himself than you or your child. Your MIL is angry and upset because she is ashamed that her son has abandoned you and your son.

He will always be selfish. He will always put himself first. So.......take back the control, dont wait for him to come back, tell him he CANT come back. You know you can cope, you have done it!

BOGEY ....yes you are right this isnt man i thought i knew but clearly anyone who can do this is selfish and doesnt give a shit i mean not even a text .i know be hard but a do not think i could ever forgive him flr way hes behaving he told me couldnt get round last night to spend night with us as was having one off they days how sad for him (twat) them texts at 1am same night hed been out with matez since 5 drinking yeah so a think that makez my desicion for me

Sweetie, they often turn out to be different from the man we thought knew!

You know you can bring up your baby alone (I have done that too) so be proactive. Make your home a happy place for yourself and your son. Change the locks if you can and if you cant then add a bolt so he cant just walk back in. Assuming he has a job, contact the CSA using his mothers address. And regarding his mother....she is on your side now because of her grandchild but you cant rely on that so bear in mind that she may change sides.

MN can be harsh at times but you will always get support here :)

Sorry, that should say "they often turn out to be different from the man we thought we knew!"

Hi again both,

No I agree it's completely out of order for him to disappear and there's no way he should have done, but I just wanted to suggest that it doesn't necessarily mean he's gone for good. But dani may well choose to make it a permanent split of course and that may well be for the best given how unreliable he's shown himself to be.

I came across something this week that said dads can get PND (my partner has a history of depression), is this a possibility?

hi SEPHY yes i understand where u coming from as mentiond above he has made plans also everyday since hez left then right before makez some excuse then lets us down but still manages to puts his matez and that first i cant understand it he is off work today so has said will be here first thing will see if it actually happens

BOGEY ....well the mother never spoke him for two years before hand and has said only put up with him as i was expecting a just feel so sorry fr my son as i didnt see this coming he was such happy great dad uptill now or so i thought .....x

isabeller......yes its funny u say that as i actually looked that up last night but the symtoms they desribed arnt the way hes being do you think this could be a possible....and did u partner have pnd

Unbelievable! What a cunt!
And please forget the male pnd idea. Firstly pnd is hormonal and men don't experience that, so it's not pnd. Secondly some fathers may experience depression as a result of the change to their lives, relationship, identity. But this guy hasn't had any of that! He hasn't even been in the house to be impacted by having a baby! So please, don't excuse his shitty behaviour by calling it depression, or pnd. This is just a selfish manchild who believes that the hard work of children is a woman's job and doesn't see why he should have to pull his weight! A man who would rather be out on the piss than spending time with his newborn son and supporting his post c section partner! Almost unbelievable.

So sorry.

Firstly, congrats on becoming a mummy. Secondly, I second the hard line approach. Or, if you don't want to give an ultimatum just stop contacting him. Leave him to it. You do not deserve this stress and upset. Please make sure you focus on your baby- dont spend all your time worrying about this selfish twat. You never get this precious time back...they're not newborns for long and you don't want to waste it over stressing over somebody who chose to opt out. Focus on your self too- your still healing from the c sec. Ask for help from people, you can't do it all alone.

Hugs. Stay strong x

Eirikur...hi yeah a know a suppose pnd would just be an excuse for him too use a know its disgusting its so hard to get round it as its past week hes been like this but ifvl he dont show today hes gone as al not be able to forgive him and he can go have his life without us and live with the way hes behaved. i personally dont know how hes sleeping at night pathetic twat

If he doesn't turn up today, don't text or call asking where he is. Stay strong and silent. Actions speak louder than words. You don't need to tell him that you need him and his son needs him. He knows this. :(

Do get as much help as you can get.

It is a very sad situation, but the only message I'd be sending him is not to come back and to return the keys.
I'd be packing his stuff and letting them outside for him to collect.

mammadigging .....yes have plenty support and his family r right by me too my family r five hours on coach we live moved to his hometown but all his family help and very supportive . Yes ur right u dont get the time back and he will indefinate not got it back if he lets us down AGAIN today still cannot believe hes been gone 7 days but he is selfish a couldnt do it so dont see how he can he was fine uptill now who knows or he clearly hide it well ...

If he ever comes back, he should prove himself to be responsible first, not sleep there and certainly not sharing beds.

mammadigging....yeah hes always had me running back too him or known a would but this has took it too far and a wont be running after him he needs to realise and if he doesnt its his fault and he will have too live with it ...yeah actions louder than words the saying he always used shame he never follows it ....x