I feel sorry for DD having parents like you

[Warbride]

Text from my mother after a big row last weekend. She feels sorry for my DD having parents like me and DH. Nice eh!

Delete her number

How awful of her

Im of the opinion that a text containing such a thing is sent by a coward. a nasty vindictive one at that.

what happened leading up to such a text?

Perhaps you should text back and tell her who you learned your parenting skills from

I get shit from my mum like this

I keep telling myself she's a twister, bitter witch who brought me up terribly so her opinion doesn't matter.

I had a message like this off my mum, she had actually been keeping notes on me. I was devestated ill be honest, I'm so sorry you are going through similar. What does your Dh say?

Bit of a long story but making tea right now. Will be back later. Long history of emotional abuse.

What made her think that?

She is one of these that it is all about her. Doesn't give a shit about anyone except herself.

She is one of these that it is all about her. Doesn't give a shit about anyone except herself.

Don't even reply....

thats awful. Hope you are ok?x

sillymilly
my mil kept notes too, I was shocked when I found out but took the piss for good measure. I mean WHO DOES THAT?!

ptfo it's scary it seems so common! I had a thread on here under a name change at the time I found them, as I was just so shocked and blindsided by it. In the end it was apparently my fault for reading them. Me and my mum still talk now, but she is pretty much the only family I have and I decided I wanted her in my life flaws and all, rather than not at all. I suspect it will come up again but I don't have the courage, emotional strength or energy right now to deal with it.

sillymilly- wow you read them!! I can only imagine. Ive only seen that my inlaws have a file on us- me dh and ds.

But you know what, I have a file on them now. All the nasty emails get filed away, nasty texts printed off and filed. I make notes on conversations. And when I have a waver over if I should get in touch I have a look and remind myself why we went NC in the first place. If they ever decide to involve a lawyer over our ds, then I can prove what kind of people they are.

I know we are not the only ones in the family to rec' nasty emails and I know that they too have been filed away, and Im informed that one day it will come out again!!

I think you should carry a big red file with black writing on the front saying "notes on mum, private" hehe and just walk around with it and watch her face. ;-)

Wow.

Just asking for a reply, "Odd that, I feel sorry for myself, having a parent like you!"

Am eldest of five and was relied heavily on when young to look after the younger siblings. To the point of missing loads of schooling. This was after parents split up. Put up with loads of verbal abuse and selfishness. One thing sticks in my mind when I contracted appendicitis and was bedridden for the whole day in agony. She slapped me when she got home because I hadn't cleaned the house. Fast forward and she still expects me to run round after her. I am not doing it. Hence the rows. Even then all she thinks about is her own feelings.

I think you should carry a big red file with black writing on the front saying "notes on mum, private" hehe and just walk around with it and watch her face. ;-)

This. And periodically look closely at her while she's talking and then open the folder and write furiously in it.

I'm with OneMoreChap.

And cut contact, at least to minimum.

Or "at least I'm parenting her" or "and yet I'd never send her a text like that"

We moved house in August. She still hasn't bothered to visit. Expects us to go to her. Never phones. On my birthday in Sept couldn't even be bothered to post my card just expected me to go and fetch it. My DH rang her and gave her a mouthful for upsetting me and she expects him to apologise. He wont and doesn't need to. We sort of managed to sort things out and my DD was supposed to stay with her and step father on Sat. She said she would have DD on the grounds that DH apologised. More rows followed. DD spent the weekend with MIL instead as we had a 50th to go to. Hence the final text.

That's digusting. My mum once told me she'd "been thinking of ringing social services" because "what kind of mother are you?"
This was because I asked her to stop shouting and screaming in front of about 6mo DS because SHE was late picking me up for something SHE'D organised and I wasn't quick enough getting DS' s coat on. Just one example of hundreds over my lifetime.
I went no contact over a yr ago and life is so much more peaceful and I don't feel constantly shit about myself.
What makes you stay in contact with her? I know its not true but it still hurts when they say nasty things like that doesn't it? Xx

answer: "I'm glad I'm such a credit to your childrearing, Mum"

Don't reply as that will annoy her more than anything. Can you cut contact altogether? It seems like it might be a relief.

cough i was joking sorry. more sensibly, yeah, ignore it

I know. But then this is a pattern and she will come grovelling back and telling me how much she loves me etc. only to throw tantrums again when she can't control me and get attention. There is so much more to all this but to type it all out would take forever. I am not a bad person just a busy one who has a life. I cannot pander to her day and night.

That's truly horrible op, my mum has said similar so I know pretty much exactly how you feel. It shows the flaws and inadequecies in them that they would say something so low (and untrue). I'm very wary of my mum these days. When I was under her control I had no confidence and now that I'm almost NC, my confidence has never been higher!

Incidentally my mum does the grovelling and and can be incredibly charming..took me a loooong time to get wise to it.