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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Date Number 3

113 replies

Honeysucklerose · 25/11/2013 16:55

Hi just had lovely 2nd Date with a guy , we hit it off and had a good time , he was very thoughtful and kind, mmmmm the thing is this is my first date in 2years ............, so wondering what we should do for a 3rd date ?, or shall i just wait for him to suggest something?

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 11/12/2013 08:06

Well hope you feel a bit better for knowing it's not just you.

Ps. My married friends are disappointed I've given up dating, they used to love all the tales!

Hissy · 11/12/2013 08:57

I'm 45 with a 7yo. I have to arrange and pay for childcare AND pay my way to go out.

I have met a couple of nice people, but they're all scarred by their exes/family.

I've tried to enthuse myself, but just can't.

Ok so I have a shit storm of dysfunctional family to deal with, just gone NC with the last one, my dm, and when I can afford to, I go to therapy.

I've struggled in life to suffer fools gladly, and life itself is too short to put up with shit people in it.

Hissy · 11/12/2013 09:05

Yeah, meant to say, online dating is a complete wrecking ball to the self esteem.

People have no manners or social skills where OD is concerned!

KittiKat · 11/12/2013 12:15

Hi Honeysucklerose, I am in a very similar situation to you and posted yesterday on here and got some lovely advice too.

I am now going to step right back and see if he contacts me. I've had 3 dates with him now, slept together and he is really lovely BUT he seems to contact me as and when and quite frankly I'm fed up with that. So, thanks to the lovely ladies on here, I am done with worrying about it all and will write him off on the emotional stakes as the waiting around has been doing my head in.

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 11/12/2013 16:21

Oh thanks KittiKat for sharing , sorry about him not contacting you more than is the norm , it is good to hear everyone experiences of OD , seems such a crazy minefield , and like you have decided to not concern myself about it if someone wants to be in my life it is up to thme to make the effort , so not holding my breath on this last date, have yourself a very Merry Christmas and good luck !

OP posts:

PyjamaDayToday · 12/12/2013 16:40

www.amazon.co.uk/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/0007431856

Read it - you will conduct yourself differently in future. Its worked for me

raspberriesareforever · 12/12/2013 17:07

Hi everyone, I have been watching this thread with interest as also am in my (late) 40's and doing some OD with varying degrees of success since the summer. I too disagree that many men in their 40's are looking for younger models - the ones I've dated have specifically not wanted anyone who might surprise them with a pregnancy. However, from experience I can also report that there seem to be lots of women to choose from and there is a lot of choice on the dessert trolley, so to speak. My delightful dates since the summer go as follows:
48 year old man child - amazing lunch date, talked for 6 hours non stop, never heard from him again.
48 year old flashy charmer, 2 dates, then petered out after a few further texts.
Those two I liked and had been given the impression that more was to follow....... then a few random one night dates where I knew they were wrong as soon as I met them....... But, going back to what several have said on this thread - they all seem to want therapy and use each date to talk almost exclusively about themselves!! I honestly don't think they know what they want and with so much choice out there they are not giving themselves the chance to get to know one date before moving on to the next. That's my theory anyway x

Horsemad · 12/12/2013 18:04

Ah Honeysucklerose - it seems as if he's the type who is happy to go along with things, providing you're doing the arranging.

Sorry he hasn't made an effort for you - it's his loss remember!

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 12/12/2013 18:13

Erm um I did hear from him last night we talked on Skype for about an hour and he was chatty and friendly and asking me how my day was , and said talk tonight ....................sorry ladies what can i say ............Men !, thanks for the support to you all.

OP posts:

Horsemad · 12/12/2013 18:24

Hissy · 12/12/2013 19:26

But why are you wasting your time?

He'll fuck you again, you'll hate it, what's the point?

End it and move on, you have no need to teach an old anything new tricks.

Hissy · 12/12/2013 19:27

He's been fishing for a new date, he's come up empty so you get the gift of a bit of contact...

I reckon. If he'd have had any thought or sympathy for you he'd have dealt with this completely differently

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 12/12/2013 19:30

You think well he asked me what I was doing this weekend and I am busy so all good will have a good think about it before i decide

OP posts:

Hissy · 12/12/2013 19:48

See how long he hangs about if you are busy next week too.

i don't think this bloke is worth keeping long term, you'd be better off casting your own net to see if there are any better fish out there.

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 13/12/2013 06:24

I hear YOU Hissy thanks I am wondering what the heck am I thinking of seeing him again, he is just too dodgy , he already texted last night asking to see me on Sunday , ooops I am going be busy , and yea as you say will see if he hangs around ............somehow I doubt it !

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 13/12/2013 06:39

Refresh my memory Honey please. Is it two weeks since last date and you've barely heard from him since?

And a Sunday date is crap, he should be wanting to book the prime Friday/Saturday night slot.

peasandlove · 13/12/2013 06:52

god you lot sound seriously jaded. Why do you expect him to do all the chasing anyway? he's probably sitting at home wondering if you're going to contact him again, while you do the same thing. You're all way too old for games. If you're into the guy let him know as you're sending mixed messages by pretending to play hard to get.

JeanSeberg · 13/12/2013 07:27

You call it jaded, I call it having high standards. And if you'd read the thread, you'd see that the OP has done all the organising up to this point so hardly unreasonable to expect him to put in equal effort.

peasandlove · 13/12/2013 08:25

I did read the thread "jean". He asked to see her so she's busy. What on earth is the point?

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 13/12/2013 16:15

Okay just to update you jean and Peasandlove, we saw each other last weekend on a Saturday and has now asked to see me this weekend but I have genuinely got another social night that has been planned for a long time owing to the christmas period , it is just I am not sure if he is being straight with me and am wary of course , so am quite glad I have a prior arrangement , and sure he will contact me again to rearrange it , we may sound jaded but I call it being careful and not rushing in where fools dare to tread and all that , and at my age i think i am allowed that.

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 13/12/2013 19:30

Have a great time on your night out.

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 13/12/2013 20:41

Thanks JeansSeberg I will!

OP posts:

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 16/12/2013 05:55

Just had Date number 5 movie and a meal ,he was a perfect getnlteman we had good time and are looking forward to next date , Merry Christmas to you all and thanks for the support!

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 16/12/2013 06:17

There's going to come a time when you want him to stop acting like a gentleman lol.

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 16/12/2013 06:31

Well erm um you said it JeanSeberg ...............but dont think that it will last for long but it has been nice taking my time if you get me lol!

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