Am new here, but have been lurking for advice/support for a while. I need some advice/thoughts please.
DP of 21 years has had an affair. I am just stunned and wounded beyond belief. OW's husband called me from the other side of the globe to tell me 8 weeks ago now...am finding it so hard to process.
A bit of background: have 2 dc, been very happily together for ages...best friends and soulmates really. We had a business together, which has been hard recently, so DP went back to his old line of work 2 yrs ago. Cant go into loads of detail, but works from home, tho it's a worldwide company. Employees come together twice a year, a week at a time. He met OW who also has young kids, is married and she lives abroad. They bonded over a shared interest, and on return from the meet-up kept in contact by instant messaging. This progressed onto more flirty, sexual stuff and at the next big company meet up they slept together. They then continued to email/message daily, said they were in love with each other, etc...but couldn't see a way to be together...all a bit 'star crossed lovers' I guess. I felt something was wrong; was distant, uncharacteristically grumpy and arsey with me; but I just couldn't think why/who. Assumed it was work/my business pressures. He says he was guilt ridden.
Anyway, since finding out, DP has cut all contact and is nothing but remorseful. He is doing all the 'right things'...being in contact with me throughout the day, open with phone/computer passwords, loving, kind...back to his old self. He cannot explain why he let this happen; in fact, why he positively encouraged it and that once the bubble had been burst (ie. after OW husband phonecall to me)..it all just fell away and was rootless. He said he could 'see it for what it was'...and has no interest in it at all...I think it was thrill seeking initially, but I guess progressed into more. He almost wants to just move on, but I just cannot. We are reading 'More than Friends' at the moment and that is helping..he will talk and listen to me for hours about it. But I just get so angry at times...and I don't know where that comes from - I guess a flashback will set me off/image of them together..the thought of them having 'internet sex' in our house...the list is endless. I feel so raw and sad at times, and then completely warm and in love at others.. It's confusing and I don't know where to go next with it.
I am making it worse my looking online at a music site, that OW is on..I know that she is playing 'significant' songs (to them)...and lots of other stuff, that has very loaded lyrics...(it was music that bonded them, so I know this could be used by her as a weapon)..DP hasn't seen this site, but I have and it's driving me insane...I know I shouldn't torture myself with it..it sounds pathetic. But makes me think she's not over it.
Last night, I was prodding for more detail..it transpired they had sent each other naked photos of each other and it has made me feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I am in a bad place today and don't know how to dig myself out of the hole. We've made such a promising start, and now I think I might just blow it out, cos I can bare the thought of these pictures.
Any thoughts/help/advice would be so gratefully received. Have confided in one fabulous friend, but find it so hard to keep it together with work/kids/family etc.
Sorry this is so long....am amazed if you've got this far!