Awful awful times

[Crazyoldlife]

Hi all, well long story short as poss. Partner is seperated and has child. He has been in process of slowest moving divorce forever. He is scared to loose contact time with child thats why divorce takes ages as he thinks itl go to court because of his partner etc. whatever! Anyway I'm pregnant. We have huge rows, he promised me he'd get divorced but hasn't, he also has bad finances and stressful job. Huge rows involve him getting in my face, hitting walls, talking about wanting to kill himself. He said its ally fault because of pressure I've put on him and because of nasty things that I've done in the past. Eg. Not invited him out with friends. He constantly tells me I'm selfish. Anyway he wants it over. Im devestated, blame myself and see no happy ending. He says all his anger is my fault due to things I've done in the past which he says he cannot move on from. He wants me to leave and tells me he hates me. Any advice needed.

Yes. Do as he says. Leave, and never go back.

(((hugs))) DP doesn't sound like a nice man at all. Not inviting him out with friends is hardly being nasty enough to put so much pressure on him he has to self harm or consider suicide! I think you would be well rid of him. He wants it over, let him go.

You need to read some of the threads on here about emotionally abusive men....

Sorry, that was harsh. I should have added, look after YOU and your child. Good luck.

I'm so sorry. I think you may have a lucky escape from him. Make the break now. It'll only get worse...

women's aid

These are HUGE red flags op. Get out, it will not get better, it will get worse once the baby is here.

I'm sorry your partner is such a nasty piece of work. Don't blame yourself.... he's doing enough of that already. It probably won't feel like a happy ending if you separate but it'll be a much happier ending for you than staying with a man that is violent, threatening and unstable. Do you have friends or family you can be with? He sounds hateful and dangerous.

It's not just the friends thing it's me always going on and on about myself. About what I need not what he needs. I'm just at a loss, so sad. He said I just care about number 1 and I've put too much pressure on him.

Best you set him free then.

This man is not someone you want around when your baby arrives OP. He will not be supportive and kind. So make the break now while it is his idea. It would be much harder to do after the baby arrives.

Come and join us on the EA support thread. We understand men like him only too well

Sorry but all of that is the typical bullshit excuses of a man that is setting things up so that he never has to take responsibility for his own mistakes. Did you force him to have financial difficulties or drag out his divorce?....

Even if you had been selfish and put pressure on him, there is no excuse for being violent, aggressive and making threats.

Might be worth,If you are on good terms with ex wife finding out if this is his default setting.There may be a very good reason why he worrys about losing contact with his child.His temper.He sounds really horrible.Domestic violence usually begins in pregnancy.If he is difficult now imagine how he is going to be with a newborn keeping him awake all night.

He said he has been depressed and I've focused on me instead of listening and helping him. He says that this is such an unhappy time in part due to me. He says he's dove things to try and repair us eg. Plan days out/ gifts which is true. I've planned nothing really but been too hurt from the arguments to plan nice things. I dont want to blame myself but do. Thanks for the feedback it is appreciated. Whatever words of advice and help and useful at this bad time.

Done not dove

If he's depressed he should see a doctor, not expect you to cure him. If he's unhappy, it's not your job to make him happy. If he is violent, aggressive and threatening suicide etc he has crossed a line & you are not responsible for his actions.... in fact, you are only responsible for your own safety. A day out here or a gift there doesn't make it all better!

Newsflash: Depression doesn't make you punch walls and threaten people.

Neither does being stressed at work'

Or someone having friends.

Being a total twunt does.

Let him FTFO asap. It'll be the best decision you ever let him get right.

He said all I did was bring up his past and I couldnt get over it. I am worried thatl I'll look back and realise I mucked it all up. I worry about the future and feeling regret. His financial stuff is not me but he has spent on me
Having wkends away etc. just feel empty.

He sounds abusive and is blaming you as an excuse for being a twat rather than taking responsibility for anything.

Cogito has summed things up very well.

He says he hates you... He punches walls and yells in your face. He intimidates you. He threatens you with taking his own life. People who accuse others of bringing up the past do it because they'd rather everyone forget what and who they really are.

Get yourself away from this man and it'll be difficult at first. But after a relatively short space of time you'll look back and wonder why you stuck around for so long.

I think what I'm mostar at is that I have gone on about the past too much, I have bombarded him with requests and put pressure on him so must look at myself. I hope itl dawn on me that I'm not all to blame. We've had such great times yet part of feels feels I've ruined it and made him so unhappy that he's become this angry.

Plus the horrible comments are only when he's v angry bit they are v mean

Most upset not mostar

What he's been saying to you is 'shut up'. He's been trying to intimidate, threaten and bully you into being silent. The only relationship he wants with you is one where you are frightened of him and therefore controllable. He doesn't want a partner that has needs or wants stuff .... I'm guessing you wanted him to speed up the divorce? .... he wants a meek little thing that won't open her mouth.

So well done standing up for yourself. You will never regret doing that.

I hope not. Yes want divorce speeded up and some more commitment from him on things like general grocery trips/ meeting up with friends- he hates my friends though as he says that they pollute my opinions because of a txt he found. He can be kind, gentle, good dad, generous but recently it's all agressive arguments. I just wanted a happy ending.