Should I pick this battle? (IL related), bit long

[mumaa]

The details are petty but ts the principal i would like your views please.

We don't give DD (15 months) chocolate or juice of any kind. My MIL and her parents (her and FIL are divorced so he doesn't feature in this instance) think this is "ridiculous" and "wouldn't do her any harm". We are not saying never, just not right now (ideally not until she is at least 2).

Yesterday, when i was out with a friend granparents in law came over (i suggested DH call them and invite them over so knew they would be here), when i get home DH tells me they brought white chocolate buttons and gave DD 2 buttons while he was in kitchen making teas. DH took the packet away and replaced with a bowl of raisins. He said nothing was said.

I am annoyed that they have deliberately gone against our wishes. They don't have to agree with us but we have specifically asked of all of our family that they not give her chocolate or juice. They have brought chocolate round for her before and we have always managed to get the packet away before it is open, they haven't brought any for a while as my DH got very angry with them the last time they brought some round.

So, do I say something when i see them next or leave it be? We are all going away to a family function,in a couple of months which will involve sharing accommodation, i don't want to spend our first mini holiday as a family battling over buttons. Like i say, its the principal that they are purposefully ignoring our wishes that is the issue to me, not the fact of what it is.

I think I would get your husband to call and find out why they are going against your joint wishes and tell them now to give it a rest.

Your DH got very angry with them last time they brought chocolate round. He took the buttons off them this time and replaced with raisins.

Sounds to me like you and DH are singing from the same hymn sheet and he's got it covered.

Why do you feel the need to step in now?

I think grandparents just don't "get" modern parenting stuff like no sweets. So maybe don't think you're that serious about it, won't do them any harm etc etc.

I do think you are being precious.

Juice is one thing, but there is just as much sugar in raisins as in chocolate and they are just as bad for her teeth so you are being totally inconsistent.

Grandparents should be allowed to give their DGCs the odd treat IMO.

These are your husband's grandparents, yes?

As in, your child's great grandparents?

NO, this is NOT a battle worth fighting.

Seriously.

There are so many reasons:

1 they are (presumably) old. In their day giving children sweets was just what you did to show you cared. They are trying to be nice.

2 your children have great grandparents!! Not all children get to have relationships with their great grandparents. Really, do NOT mess with this just to stop your kid eating a tiny bit of sugar.

3 your husband dealt with it - the kid only got two bloody sweets. There is no need to make a bigger deal out of this. Really.

I am a GM and I do not understand your ILs at all. Why can't they just respect your wishes, it doesn't matter whether they agree with you or not, they just need to respect them.

I think DH needs to remind them what you have agreed for DD asap. Do you think it is a control thing?

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. They are grandparents it is their role to treat and spoil children within reason. A small quantity of chocolate or juice is not going to cause any problems.

What is the reasoning that chocolate and juice are not OK in small quantities before 2?

If you are doing it from a health point of view you are aware that raisins are terrible for children's teeth?

"I think DH needs to remind them what you have agreed for DD asap."

Is this really how people speak to their grandparents?

I mean, I'd tell my mother what we had "agreed" for my kid, but my Granny?

She can do whatever the fuck she likes, as far as I'm concerned. I'm so lucky to still have one grandparent and my kids are lucky to have a great Granny.

Maybe I should bow out because the Granny that really spoiled them and gave them sweets every time they visited died recently and I miss her so much.

Join - sorry for your loss.

We are lucky to have great grandmother on both sides still alive and as far as DH and are concerned they could feed ours ice cream from dawn til dusk.

*do you think its a control thing". Yes! The OP is being controlling!

I think they see it as harmless, which is fine, but we have specifically asked that she doesn't get these things.

We don't give her chocolate specifically as we were advised its a good idea not to until she is at least 2 as she has eczema and this can help, there are other things on that list but they don't try to give her eggs or citrus fruit ha we have introduced cows milk, which can be an issue im told but so far she seems ok with that.

the juice thing is just to encourage her to drink water, i think once she gets juice she'll be keen,on that and i just want to avoid it for a bit.

she gets sweet treats, i don't mind her getting a little treat and i get that grandparents, especially great grandparents don't see the harm and want to treat, my grandmother is still with us too and she doesn't go against our wishes.

i wondered if it was worth speaking to them before we go away but think we'll just have to carry on managing situations as they come up. Its the only thing I've asked of anyone where our DD is concerned, like i say, they don't have to agree with us, and we aren't saying forever, it would just be nice if they listened.

My parents did this with DD1, they told me it would do no harm and to stop worrying, and they was right, she's still alive

i'm glad they did it tbh, it made me calm down abit and remember that when i was little, my nan had a chocolate draw for me..a whole draw!
im 24 now and its one of of my best memories, she's 82 now and has that same draw for DD1!

I think that give it a few years and you won't even remember any of this stuff and your dd won't be scarred for life because someone gave her a chocolate button.

I agree with Join. For the love of God, get a grip. These people love and want to spoil your child. Unless there is a medical reason why your child should not have these things then YABVU.
Why is it OK for her to have sweets at 2, btw?

Thanks Ali :)

Loving the chocolate drawer!

Don't pick the battle, your DH dealt with it.

Avoid chocolate to help eczema? Hmm. My two are both prone, my father is a dermatologist and I distinctly remember him feeding both of them chocolate at under a year.

You really do need to unclench.

Mommy yes my grandma had one, so did my grandad. They kept them secret from each other so I would get treats from both

I get this, it isn't about the sweets so much as undermining you and continuing to go against your wishes (your Dh got angry with them the last time and they've AGAIN brought a bag of chocolate specifically to give to your DD??). My ILs are the same, I asked that they not give any sweets/ chocolate / processed foods to DS1 when we were just starting him on solids and then walked out of the room. Walked back in to find the SECOND I left they got out chocolate cereal and were pushing it in his mouth - it wasn't about the treat, it was rebelling against me. I don't know what is the best way to approach it though aside from your DH handling it, mine live abroad so have few opportunities to rebel against me. It wouldn't be ok for a friend to do this, I don't know why people think it is ok if relatives do.

Loving the chocolate drawer. My grandparents used to slip me glasses of sherry ( from the age of 2) and, later, cigarettes. They meant well......I think you have to let this one go. One sip or bite will make no difference. I think offering hard drugs or nights out clubbing might have to wait a year or two.

I think OP has pointed out that as an isolated incident this may seem petty but surely you can't overlook the fact that they've deliberately gone against her (and DH's) wishes. This isn't acceptable, surely!
I understand wanting to say something to then OP but it sounds as though your DH dealt with it well and I'd leave it at that for now, unless it happens again.
Grandparents should be able to spoil a child, but this isn't a productive way.

Yes lightning you have put it very well. I would not allow my friends to do this either as you said.

Well I'm going against most on here & saying they should respect your wishes. They've had their turn raising childten & now it's yours.

Had exactly the same problem with my MIL - she insisted she was buying a Thorntons easter egg for my then 9mth old! I said fine but I'd eat it if she did - she was most unhappy when I did so!

Have to say though OP, raisins are not the healthy
snack people think - they sit on the teeth which is not good.

Thanks nora glad i was able to get this across.

i will leave it be and hope perhaps DHs silence and actions spoke volumes.

It's your child so ...!!
.anyway

A few days ago there was a lovely scenery in one of the train:-)

Mine DC pointing at another baby while travelling
O look mummy that girl have a fantastic face painting

We looked at it for a while and discovered when she was living
That she was actually enjoying a bit of some chocolate
The chocolate was everywhere