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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just flamed dp in telephone row

42 replies

Piffle · 11/07/2006 22:23

F* it all
dp works awat 4-5 nights a week, often long hours, stressful job, little to no natural light and he boards with a lady from work who offers no fridge space or food for him.
So when he finishes at 9pm he drives right past Sainsburys and TEsco (both 24 hrs) and heads for
monday curry rice and naan
tuesday pie and chips
dp already is at least 2 stone overweight has put on 5kgs in the last 3 mths and is looking - well less lovely than before when he was sturdy but not... umm you know... icky

I have made such an effort in the last 2 yrs to turn his eating around, when he said well the pie shop was close - I said you can go into Sainsburys and pick up steam meal or bloody chicken salad just as easily and he said oh but I want something hot...
I said tell that to your heart surgeon in 10 yrs time. And hung up.
am livid with him, my dad dropped dead of huge heart attack aged 47, he was healthy, slim and active.
I feel guilty for being so mean but angry so angry with him. it's like he is a naughty kid popping to the local Spar for sweeties when mummy is not looking and I think infact I know that is where it comes from.
His mum lectures him about being fat and then makes him eat all the leftovers as they will go to waste (waist)
Oooh I am cross

OP posts:
Hattie05 · 11/07/2006 22:25

But he is an adult and responsible for himself!

NotQuiteCockney · 11/07/2006 22:25

You know, I understand your perspective. But what he chooses to eat is up to him. And any decision to eat more sensibly has to come from him. Nagging and hassling really doesn't help. It just makes him eat more out of annoyance, as he does with his mum.

Piffle · 11/07/2006 22:26

I do not fancy him anymore
He has no life insurance
I'm sorry it is MY business

OP posts:
sugarfree · 11/07/2006 22:29

Oh Piffle.
I know you are upset and have his best interests at heart but I think you need to lay off him a bit.He's a grown man,he knows being overweight is unhealthy and unattractive,but I think if I'd been on the receiving end of that I would have run straight to the fridge.
Can you phone him up and apologise?
I suspect he is feeling very controlled re.food at home and so when he is away he makes up for lost time,maybe he's also comfort eating because he is alone and misses you.

Norah · 11/07/2006 22:29

I'm with you Piffle ! My dh is the same - an utter pig - and I don't fancy him anymore either. He is fat, smelly and poos about three times a day - always at home ! he saves them up !

He is also stressed out, rude, argumentative and vile to dd - she said to me today that she doesn't like him anymore and he is grumpy !

So - yes it is their own business - but it affects us too !

Piffle · 11/07/2006 22:33

controlled...
how do I handle this then at home?
I cook really well, we have the odd takeaway, he chooses what we eat when he is here as I ask him what he'd prefer?
He gets a cooked breakfast every weekend more healthy than the usual but still really nice.
I am reasonably health conscious and food aware
He eats what I eat when he is here I do not harp on I just make sure I prepare good quality food.
it is a big issue with, I find his attitude to food a real turn off and I have said this before
I feel like a shitty cow as his job is bsuy right now...
He

OP posts:
7up · 11/07/2006 22:33

im totally with you on this one piffle.my ex ate takeaways every night and i ended up not fancying him anymore as well as worrying big time about his health. his whole attitude towards his health was awful.

salt was put on all his food,i means loads of it.he just didnt get it that he would end up killing himself . i nagged him and like NQC says it didnt do any good and i think he carried on eating like that to wind me up!

i think you come to an age in the end that makes you realise that this food is really bad for you and unfortunately woman seem to realise this sooner than men. lets face it theyre big kids who never really grow up and when youre a kids takeaway food is exciting and yummy

Hattie05 · 11/07/2006 22:33

Ok then there are obviously problems with your relationship Piffle, but lecturing over the phone about what he's eating won't resolve anything and will far from encourage him to lose weight and make himself fanciable for you!

Sounds like you need to work from a more positive angle on your relationship together - try and set time aside to talk and express your feelings in a more adult way rather than over the phone when you won't be seeing him for another few days.

And go get him some life insurance

soapbox · 11/07/2006 22:34

I suspect he finds your nagging equally unattractive...

Piffle · 11/07/2006 22:35

What made me lose my stick was that he tried to justify it as if he was anaughty boy
I felt like his mother and I think that is the crux.
I so not want to mother him and nag.
Yikes this might be serious...

OP posts:
Piffle · 11/07/2006 22:36

I don't nag actually FWIW
this was one comment I made

OP posts:
poisson · 11/07/2006 22:36

get his cholesterol checked

Norah · 11/07/2006 22:37

Life insurance is interesting - we are paying well over the odds for dh because of his weight.

Trouble is he doesn't think he is fat - he thinks the BMI charts are misleading - as an ex rugby player -and he is 6ft 2, he thinks he is pretty fit - but 22 stone ain't fit !

Is it any wonder he never gets any sex ?

7up · 11/07/2006 22:38

keep nagging him but in a gentle way,you know jokey if you can.

i know my ex did listen because since weve split he mentions to me that he cooks healthier and he has lost weight and seems happier with it. stilldont fancy him though!

poisson · 11/07/2006 22:38

worked a wonder for my dh

Piffle · 11/07/2006 22:39

his chol is way high, he has chol spots on his cheeks, he had his work annual enforced health check was told to lose weight, exercise, eat better as he was looking at some serious health probs - hence why we embarked on weightwatchers together I lost a stone easily, he lost then gained back more and now more again
Of course he also drinks. but so do I so no leeway on that one
I know I sound like a bitch this is pretty isolated tbh

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 11/07/2006 22:39

Oh Piff

How much longer is this frigging job going to last...........this is at the heart of the matter. IIRC.

Piffle · 11/07/2006 22:40

ex rugby player dp is too 5ft 9 - 15 stone

OP posts:
poisson · 11/07/2006 22:41

whats i it piff?

poisson · 11/07/2006 22:42

dh too
6 foot and about 16 stone

he is huge anyway htough - broad chest and all

Piffle · 11/07/2006 22:42

if he gives up the job we lose the southern wage, we have to lose our hosue and downsize where we live now, we could not afford to move to where his job is.
He would have to get another job here or contract in London 3-5 days per week.
I am struggling to see a solution that fits one and all.
All I see is
working away from home
long hours
long commute
high pressure
poor diet
no exercise
isolated working environment
broken sleep
And I see a very poorly man.

OP posts:
poisson · 11/07/2006 22:42

how abotu if you go SUper healthy when he comes backa ns silently but smugly administer death by lentil

SherlockLGJ · 11/07/2006 22:44

ROFL at death by lentil.........

Piffle · 11/07/2006 22:45

LOL Piscine one
I do
he tucks happily into chickpea curry/falafel/fajits/salmon and salad
He likes what is easy
I have even offered to do him an ocado/sainsbury online shop to his work or place where he stays.
I have tried encouraging, he is way more than he is home...
ARGHHHHHHHHHH

OP posts:
poisson · 11/07/2006 22:46

you need ot speak to his gp
a nd tlel gp to be more scarey

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