Just flamed dp in telephone row

[Piffle]

F* it all
dp works awat 4-5 nights a week, often long hours, stressful job, little to no natural light and he boards with a lady from work who offers no fridge space or food for him.
So when he finishes at 9pm he drives right past Sainsburys and TEsco (both 24 hrs) and heads for
monday curry rice and naan
tuesday pie and chips
dp already is at least 2 stone overweight has put on 5kgs in the last 3 mths and is looking - well less lovely than before when he was sturdy but not... umm you know... icky

I have made such an effort in the last 2 yrs to turn his eating around, when he said well the pie shop was close - I said you can go into Sainsburys and pick up steam meal or bloody chicken salad just as easily and he said oh but I want something hot...
I said tell that to your heart surgeon in 10 yrs time. And hung up.
am livid with him, my dad dropped dead of huge heart attack aged 47, he was healthy, slim and active.
I feel guilty for being so mean but angry so angry with him. it's like he is a naughty kid popping to the local Spar for sweeties when mummy is not looking and I think infact I know that is where it comes from.
His mum lectures him about being fat and then makes him eat all the leftovers as they will go to waste (waist)
Oooh I am cross

ok he has day off planned, will book him Gp appt for that day for health check
She goes to my dd's nursery so will gee her up prior.

she goes to drop off her dd I mean, obv the Gp passed out of nursery school 35 yrs ago...

nsnort
tell ehr you reaslly need the " you are going to die" routine

my dh hasnt eaten cheese since april
he is a girly swot
i tolf him he will hit 40 healtheir than at 39

he was getting terrible chest pains we feared was a heart thign so i htink that scare d him

I can see that you are concerned. But attacking him won't do anything to make him change his lifestyle. When you are working like a dog and don't finish until late, you want some comfort food, fast. Are you sure his landlady won't allow him to keep stuff in the fridge btw? Sounds bizarre.

FWIW My stepmother went on and on at my father about healthy eating. So he'd just hide anything of which she disapproved, or scoff outside the home. She's now my ex-stepmother, btw.

Save the conversation for next time he's home and try to have a positive discussion about how much you care about him, how much better he'd feel if he got fit, and what changes he can reasonably make to his lifestyle. Have some ideas ready for him - for exercise (daily activity stuff like taking the stairs instead of the lift is really, really easy and effective) and for diet. Have a google for diet and lifestyle advice -BBC website has some info, for starters.

bet she has done all that cheesmeister

I think my not fancying him if he knew would scare him as he is sex mad and we are trying for another baby, have been for 3 yrs.
I fear confrontation and honesty on this one
is there ever a way back from saying you do not fancy your life partner ?

hmm
i dunno
mayeb you coudl look at poepel you knwo who put on withght
hey piff one of our best gmaes i the" hwo did best" game
you look at couples you knwo and suggest who go the best deal when they got togetehr
Men and women never agree in our epsierence

Go listen to you all, if the shoe was on the other foot and he was telling you to lose weight and then talking to other men on the internet saying he didn't fancy you because you were fat we would be up in arms, telling him he was shallow and that he should love you for you etc etc

He will only tackle this when he is ready too, what you say or do to him will make no difference he may well try to please you but ultimately he will fail and will end up putting more weight on.

agree with fb
get the doc in your case
bribe her if needs be

BTDT
He cannot exercise at work, he essentialy due to high securoty work he does, works in a dungeon. 4 steps below ground level.
He rides a motorcycle
His landlady also boards others - I have asked dp to offer her more dosh to maybe assist him or buy a beer size fridge and pay her the power he uses.
I have had open and honest discussions
I overspend he lectures me and I reformed
I see it as the same thing tbh

, works in a dungeon

He did say I was less fanciable when I was a stone heavier, or that I looked better when I was a size 10
So snap here I am and where is he
It is reciprocal IMO

Piffle, email me?

hunkermunker at gmail dot com

Well, if you've tried the 'wouldn't you feel better if..' conversation, then you are just going to have to wait until he feels ready to act. FB's right. You can't force him to change the way he eats, only encourage him.

Or, given your money thing, tell him every time he buys a take-away, you are going to put the equivalent amount into a separate account for your shopping addiction. To be spent only on bags and shoes or whatever.

I'd work on the fridge/freezer thing. (Or find a new landlady!) And then make him up food, if you can, to ship down with him each week. Saves loads of dosh and makes it less work for him to eat healthy than eat crap.

Can you talk to the landlady and sort out the fridge/freezer thing? Is he too embarassed to raise the issue?

my dh has supposedly been trying to lose weight for nearly 2 years and he's lost about 5 pounds! he is only slightly overweight bu he started snoring which drives me mad. told him to go to gp and she said losing weight would help. we often sleep apart bcos of his snoring and it hurts that he cant be bothered to lose a bit of weight to try to help. he even lies sometimes about what he's eaten - drives me mad

MY DH is not over weight but he also eats a similar diet when he has to fend for himself. He is simlar to your DH in that he works away home a a lot and often has little or no time to prepare meals.

Nowadays I jsut make sure he eats super helthily when he is at home and leave him to it the rest of the time. Like the others say he is a grown man, and I have two kids and myself to look after so I really do not need to worry about him 24/7 as well.