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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

husband taking nude photos of me without my consent

72 replies

tomsmum08 · 19/11/2013 11:48

I've been married for ten years and have 7 yr old child. My husband hads always looked at porn, he's never admitted it but I've found photos on the computer. I've let it go as it's never caused a problem. I didn't like it but I could deal with it.

However last year I caught him taking photos of me in the shower. I didn't tell him i had seen him as I thought/ hoped he might tell me. He didn't. I saw the photos on the camera. They had been deleted the next time I looked. I felt sick and violated but somehow couldn't tell him I knew.

A few months later I was checking emails on his
phone and something made me look at his
photos. I found some taken of me, asleep on the sofa, photos of my cleavage. There was also
video footages of me getting undressed in the
bedroom the night before. Disgusted, I challenged him that night when he tried to initiate sex. We had big row, he promised the photos were not posted on the Internet, and thathe didn't kknow why he'd done it.
We agreed to try and move on, and he promised things would get better if I could learn to trust him again. Said he was sorry blah blah.....
Anyhow fast forwarded to now and I've just found some photos of me taken on our recent holiday, me asleep on the sunbed, photos of my bottom, and my breasts. I feel sick. I can't trust him anymore but I know he loves me. He's a great husband and dad in all other respects but I can't bear the thought of him touching me now. Don't know what to do.

OP posts:
crispyporkbelly · 19/06/2014 11:42

Oh yeah 'voyuers' perverts love it when sisters/mums visit. Creepy fuckers.

wallypops · 19/06/2014 12:38

OMG the voyeurs forum is utterly shocking - all those women are completely recognisable, 100% faces visible.

crispyporkbelly · 19/06/2014 19:54

Yep and they have no idea that thousands of men all over the world are perving over them and probably never will.

Chocaholicmonster · 19/06/2014 20:14

Reading this topic makes me feel actually quite sick... Out of shock more than anything. Call me naive but I just wasn't aware of these kind of forums (the 'voyuers' ones) & in some sense ignorance is bliss! How on earth are these websites allowed to operate & aren't closed down or prosecuted!!

As for husbands doing this kind of thing, that makes me feel even worse. The one person you should be able to trust with every inch of you & they are violating it. I cannot help but think all this isn't just ''innocent fun'' & who knows what terrible crimes these men are capable of? What if they up it one more level? Disgusting. Please, anyone in this situation, get out!

kaykayblue · 19/06/2014 20:25

Often the websites are hosted overseas, or on particular forums where there is virtually no control. As soon as you close one down, another opens up.

It's sickening how determined these scumfucks are.

VashtaNerada · 19/06/2014 20:30

OP - this is a form of domestic abuse. Find out if there are any local charities (such as Women's Aid) who you can chat to about this. They won't tell you what to do, they'll just listen. Start by googling where you live and the word IDVA (which stands for independent domestic violence advocate).

Birdchronicle23 · 27/07/2015 13:09

I found out last night that my fiancé has been taking nude photos of me without me knowing and uploading them on a profile as me on a fetish site for feeders and telling people how much weight I've gained and what I eat. He took some when I was sleeping and others when I was around the house.
I feel violated and disgusted not to mention that he describes my fat and now lost all confidence, trust.

We are buying a house together which should complete this week and getting married early next yeAr.

What do I do?

Twinklestein · 27/07/2015 13:20

Hi, I'm sorry to hear that. You need to start your own thread for support for your issue. Posters won't realise this is a zombie thread and will reply to the OP not you.

My advice would be to end the relationship immediately, call off the wedding and don't complete on the house.

There's no going back from such a huge breach of trust.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/07/2015 13:30

Bird
You back out of the house sale right now.
You call off the wedding and you get this creepy fuck out of your life and quick sharp!!
Then please start your own thread on this and get some support just for you.
And then report to the police.
What a violation.
Can you imagine have kids with this guy - yeuk!

Birdchronicle23 · 27/07/2015 14:37

Thanks
I have started a new thread

Mikey9t8t3 · 19/05/2017 16:08

I guarentee you, you're online.

Mikey9t8t3 · 19/05/2017 16:09

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foxyloxy78 · 19/05/2017 20:03

Sleeping with the enemy. LTB.

FelixtheMouse · 19/05/2017 20:13

ZOMBIE!!!!!

Pdx13 · 02/09/2017 10:32

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Brahms3rdracket · 02/09/2017 10:53

@Pdx13 this is an old thread you pathetic excuse for a man. Piss off down the pub and give your wise "advice" there you deluded, sick fucker, it isn't welcome here, as it's a massive pile of shite.

DamBrokensoul · 09/09/2017 16:36

Today the law has changed this kind of behaviour can land him with a 2 year prison sentence. I recently discovered I was also a victim of this, intimate pictures taken when sleeping,, it's almost ruined me, even if no one else knows who I am the thought sends me into panic and fear mode shamed and deceived, mine came from my husband, someone you think you should be able to trust. I even searched for images that resemble me I've no idea how long it went on for or how many pictures have been taken. He said that was the only time, I very much doubt it, only by chance I caught him women's intuition told me to check his phone, the pictures I saw were disgusting and clearly I was asleep it's mortifying to think someone you sleep next to and share your life with can be so vile and cruel. I've still not come to terms yet and in a state of shock not knowing how to move on from here.. one thing it's put me off any kind of relationship and I sleep with one eye open. The fact is I Guarantee there are ladies out there on the net sleeping soundly being exploited by those who claim to love them it's sick.

relightourfire · 10/09/2017 12:01

It certainly sounds to me as if he is sharing these images in some way, either online or via text or email to other men (which means they'll probably end up online).
I'm not sure this is so much about 'sleeping' women but more that it's the best opportunity to get some close up photos without your consent.
Sorry to hear this OP. Porn is an all consuming pass time with no limits in today's world and it's a slippery slope once you get addicted (which he probably is).
Whatever your views on consenting porn are, non consenting porn is clearly wrong and probably illegal depending what it is and where you live (actually, legally it's still a grey area but changing fast, especially in Scotland). I think you need to confront him with the two issues that you are not happy and he's probably breaking the law. He needs to stop this and sort his life out.
I see myself as recovering from a porn addiction. I don't have a problem with porn as such but now choose to spend my time doing more positive things instead. I do have a daughter and if anyone treated her when she grows up like he is treating the OP I'd be extremely upset.

CTNO · 06/03/2018 03:07

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Tenderandtired · 06/03/2018 07:15

Zombie thread CTNO. Although your post definitely wins the MN prize for cunt of the week. Well done to you.

Cadence70 · 06/03/2018 08:49

CTNO I'm a aware this is a zombie thread, are the husband by any chance?
You have serious fucking problems if that is your genuine viewpoint, I don't think I've read anything so fucked up as what you've said , you need to take a long hard look at your own boundaries and maybe some counselling for whatever has happened to you to make you think that is in any way acceptable

FizzyGreenWater · 06/03/2018 10:46

Lol at the twatmen lumbering onto the thread.

Fact alert! there is a reason no-one wants to have sex with you Grin

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