Husband and female colleague - is this weird or ok?

[curtainswitcher]

What level of contact are you happy for your partners to have with female friends/colleagues? I've been snooping in DHs Blackberry (I know nothing good ever comes of this) and now don't know if I'm being paranoid or have reason to worry as there seems to be a lot with one particular woman.

Over the last couple of weeks there are emails to her pretty much every working day - there's nothing particularly incriminating but very few are work related - more a mixture of 'how's your day, what you up to' type and what I consider flirtyish banter (sarcasm, playful insults to each other etc). His call history for the last week has a few 30 minute plus phone calls with her (during the day when he's at work/travelling) and there's reference in one of their emails to a pub lunch (I hadn't heard about this) and she also jokingly accused him of trying to get her drunk on a work night out last weekend (I did know about this)

We’ve been married for 10 years, have 2 DCs and as far as I'm aware things are ok between us. Does it sound like he's just emailing her as a friend when he's bored or do you think there is more to it?

It pees me off actually how people pile on to threads like this to say "well I have friendships at work and they are ok". Like that is meant to reassure OP, or worse to make her doubt her own judgement.

If I were OP I would not have my spidey senses quietened by a load of people I don't know telling me all about how cool they are with the guys at work.

Have you had any more thoughts, OP ?

The thing is, for of all the thousands of innocent, platonic, working relationships between colleagues there are those few that do cross the line sometimes. People who have affairs often say that 'it just happened, one thing led to another', etc. It often is a gradual build up from a tiny spark.

Gut instinct is enough. OP we don't know your dh. We don't know what behaviour would be 'different' or 'unusual' for him. You do.

Have you spoken to him about it yet?

Whom are you addressing, The Unashamed OW ?

Let me rephrase that then; op what you think might be happening, is

That's what everyone else has said, The Unashamed OW

Except in a much kinder and more empathic manner. Have you got any more nuggets of wisdom ?

theunashamedow are you really flaunting that fact that you are the ow in someone's marriage, or is that a 'joke' name?

If you are serious then don't you think it's very poor taste to post on threads like this?

Hopefully, I've got you all wrong and it's ironic or something?

Sadly, I think it's upfront.

Fairenuff unfortunately its not a joke. I have seen her on other threads and she admits her intentions are to flaunt it and she is very proud of her self and her actions. There also tends to be a nasty habit of bad mouthing his wife (now ex wife, I believe) and his DC. Very unpleasant woman indeed!!

The thing is, for of all the thousands of innocent, platonic, working relationships between colleagues there are those few that do cross the line sometimes.

Well, that's the thing - it could be either or, and none of us can know for sure either way, so really, the only thing the OP can do is talk to her husband.

I'm not ashamed to say that I reported that post. It was totally disrespectful to the OP and if it had been on my thread at one point, something like that could have tipped me over the edge.

I hope the unashamed OW remembers that in future and chooses her words more carefully. A bit of sensitivity when someone asks for advice wouldn't go amiss.

OP, I wish you all the best.

Come back and let us know if you're ok OP, hope things are not as you suspected.

It sounds to me like they are on the cusp of something happening, at this stage it could go either way, it may cool a touch and go back yo innocent or it could tip the other way to a deeper relationship. He's may not even be aware of it himself and may seem shocked at the suggestion.

Worth pulling him back a little I think.

OP

Opinions are divided on this becos nobody knows the intentions of these 2 adults.
If you are uncomfortable with the situation, you have to let him know. I think it's your right to feel this way, it doesn't have anything to do with trusting your dh. Try to communicate this worries to him without sounding like a jealous wife. You need reassurances from him that he is aware of his actions and possible implications. Ask him, if the role is reversed, how he would feel?