2 weeks on and im missing nothing..

[wontletmesignin]

How does that work? I honestly am not missing him at all in the slightest. We have all moved on as though he was never here.
It is plain to see that everyone in the house is happier. So i dont know if he dragged us all down that much, we are now able to enjoy the simple things again?
Which has caused us to focus more on that, than him?

I just find it a bit strange! I thought it was natural to go through a kind of missing/grieving process. But no, nothing at all!

Am i abnormal? I dont think that is the case, as like i said, my dc are all happy too.
It really is as though he was never here. I bagged the last of his things up today.
Not once has my mind drifted back to a good time, or even a bad time.

During the first week, i went through every emotion possible. But i believe that was all down to the stress and things that happened.

Just hoping that somebody, somewhere can tell me im not abnormal

I went through the normal grieving process with previous exes. I really dont understand. Im not complaining though

Perhaps you have already grieved long before he physically went?

Great that everyone is happier though - onwards and upwards!

Ah random - i never thought of that. That is highly possible.
Especially during the last year. As my every effort to help, felt absolutely pointless. Started feeling like i was wasting my time. I had nothing left for him.
So it is in fact highly probable!

Just for the record - i told him to leave two weeks ago. Just in case people thought something else lol. I worded it all terribly. Sorry!

sounds to me too like the relationship was long worn out and throwing him out was overdue. Like an eyesore that's suddenly gone from the middle of your living room, the sheer habit means you have to adjust but after that everything seems suddenly normal.

we're much more creatures of habit than we think!

good luck, and I guess you'll know what to look out for to avoid next time :)

Thank you both! I really never thought of that once!
It makes an awful lot of sense though. I had tried telling him to leave a few times, but he guilt tripped and threatened me. So that being overdue rings true!
Thank you, i was starting to feel that i was maybe just cold!

I left stbxh 14 months ago and I haven't missed him once, I've wondered whether I'm unfeeling, I wondered whether it would hit me at a later date but so far nothing.
Nothing that is except for a huge relief, a calm household and peace.

I would take it as a sign that you've absolutely done the right thing.
Congratulations

Thank you. That is a good way of looking at it. I have also thought it might hit me at a later date. But it doesnt feel like it will!

Congratulations and well done to you too!
Thank you for sharing that :-)

I'd suggest that the recovery period is shorter because you took the initiative. You've had a long-ish run-up, you'd justified the decision to yourself many times over and you carried it out assertively. Feeling in control in this situation is a better place to be than if you felt that someone else was pulling the strings.

Very good point cogito.
It makes me feel quite sad for him, the fact the not one of us miss him.
Although, i can now understand why i dont. The kids...even his own!
I know they might just not mention it. But their whole behavior is on a much happier scale. I have never heard so much singing!
Like i said, im not complaining. As sad as i feel for him, im overjoyed at the decision i made as im seeing the benefits on a daily basis. From my kiddies, the most important ones out of all of this, are happy and that makes me happy!

I was like that. The first week was horrendous, I mean the worst I have ever felt. Every time I thought how bad I felt I would imagine him coming back and that just felt even worse! So I kew it was right.

We share dc though and he's a drunken fuckwit so I had a lot of FOG to offload and that took a while but missing him? Not one bit.

I've just moved out and feel nothing (except a little anxiety) when I see him now. I keep realising just how long I was unhappy in the marriage, which I kept trying to ignore while I was still in it.

It's great, this freedom and having happier DCs, isn't it? :o

I'm four weeks in now and feel exactly the same! Im sad it hasnt worked out but its like a weight has lifted. Life feels pretty OK. Me and my sister are moving into a big house with our DCs before Christmas - I am really excited!

I still have to see his miserable face a few times a week and it usually leaves me down for a little bit because of the inevitable angst ridden crisis talk he wants to have. He said the other day I should have him back because I looked miserable but when he's left I feel like a different person.

I'd say you feeling like that means you a strong lady and you most definitely without a doubt had a great escape!!

Glad to hear things have worked out well OP. Like some others have said, you may have already done your grieving. By the time he left it seems he was not adding anything to your life and creating an awful atmosphere at home (I read your other threads). What is there to miss?

A house full of singing children - definitely the right decision.

I felt very much like that.

It was the one year anniversary when it hit. I've had a tough few weeks, but the past 12 months have been the best and the happiest of my life.

Just prepare for it creeping up behind you at some point, but enjoy your new life!

wontletmesignin
did I write this under your name without knowing as that is my exact feeling also.

not missed a bit, not even on 'lonely' evenings.
I am myself again
Everyone has noticed, everyone has commented. Its fantastic. No more hearing all about what HE did & how HE feels about things that hes talking out his arse about.

freeeeeedommmm

It really is good to know that i am not alone on this one! I was starting to feel quite bad about myself lol.

Well done to you all for getting out and allowing yourselves to be you again!!

It is a freedom feeling!
I didnt realise what I had until HE was gone! Lol
Im a lot more active around the house, im getting along better with my dc, i am getting the kids to school on time every morning! I was always 4-5 mins late with him and he had a car!
I am so much more relaxed and at ease. My washing is all done...
Kids are much more relaxed and at ease.

Im pleased i can enjoy all of this without thinking to myself that i must be cold! So thank you all for sharing :-) :-)

I hope you all enjoy your freedom!

well done wontletmesignin

So glad you are feeling so happy & positive, it's like a weight has lifted that you didnt even know was there bringing you down.

My kids are the exact same, happy little elves. They love their daddy, but us not being together is so much better.

I move house in TWO WEEKS!!! aghhhhh.
That will be a whole new freedom, my exH was very controlling and everything had to run past him, so I never got to pick anything in the house, not bedspreads, pictures, decor NOTHING. but my new house will be just minnnnneee (plus DCs) and yesterday as a christmas present to myself I bought some cath kidson wallpaper for my living room. bliss.

killpeppa that sounds great. I can feel your excitement!
I bet you cant wait to make your home your home!

Im just as excited with mine. He would do half arse jobs, and then id feel depressed because i knew i could do better. But if i attempted it, he would get offended and argue.
Now i can do it all myself ...and finish it!

My ds was dropped off not too long ago by gp. I have received a txt from ex now, but its from getsms. I refuse to pay £3 to see what it says.
It must be something he doesnt want others to know about, otherwise he would have just used his dm phone! Im dying to know what it says. Especially since he shouldnt be texting me!

It makes it all so much easier when you see the happiness levels in your dc improve, doesnt it?

Im pleased to hear that you are reaping the rewards of a difficult decision also. Well done :-)

So sad that someone can be so unpleasnt that their absence is the best holiday in the world for everyone else.

But that's what it sounds like. Singing children? Yay! :)

I missed having someone to talk to, especially about the DC, someone who was there to share the load, etc. But him? Nah! He'd checked out of our marriage and there was nothing left of him to miss.

meerka it is really sad, i feel a bit sorry for him tbh.

It is amazing to not be able to see it when you are in it. I know singing children may seem normal. But he mocked them whenever they spoke so they were obviously too scared to sing. Its so pleasing to hear them. Puts a smile on my face everytime :-)

ellen i know what you mean. I thought he maybe would help share the load, but he just added to it. Crazy thing about it, is he wasnt the one who checked out! I wonder how bad things would have been had it of been him who did check out!

Ooo result! Ive got somebody coming to buy one of his games! £25 in my pocket! Payment for him taking my card. Which still isnt sorted! 2 weeks not being able to use my card has been such a nightmare. Not being able to order my shopping has killed me. Feeling a bit happier :-)

ohh new bank card.
Im the same, my ex took all my details when i got a new card as he was still living here. so i had to get ANOTHER new card.
finally yesterday i was back in action.

I get texts and calls everyday still

I guess its good to know that we are missed lol

Glad to hear you are sorted now. As for the textsand calls. Could you not block his number?