Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New bloke has vanished, am I overreacting?

55 replies

Roseflowers · 16/11/2013 13:21

In the grand scheme of things this is really a tiny problem, bit embarassed to post it but I don't really have anywhere else to go for advice! I've been seeing this chap for about three weeks now, we've seen each other five or six times since initially hooking up but I've known him for a while before anything happened (he's a semi regular customer where I work). Things have immediately skipped past the 'dating' stage and into the 'coming round his house and cuddling up to watch a film' stage. We always text each other throughout the day, usually initiated by him, and so things have seemed quite full on and not very casual as it were. All in it all its seems to have been going pretty well, and I've basically fallen for this bloke a little, however I've never been able to just relax and enjoy it because i'm basically waiting to be dumped. I've been out with a succession of blokes this year who have all seemed really keen and lovely who then have just disappeared or dumped me out of the blue. I think i'm waiting for the same to happen here.

He went away on holiday for two weeks on Wednesday. Wednesday morning we were texting away as usual, then about midday he stopped replying. Ok, thinks I, he's at work and has got to rush from there to the airport tonight etc, I'll probably hear from him before he flies, no worries. Nothing all night :/ The next day I sent him a nice message saying the I hoped he'd landed safe etc, was it best to contact him via facebook as I wasn't sure if texting would cost an arm and a leg. Two days later and I've had no response :( No problem, I think to myself, he's travelling and I'll probably hear from him when he gets to his final destination.

Last night he was posting a lot on facebook that they'd finally reached their destination etc, putting up pictures of what he was doing. Still heard nothing from him :( Am I right to feel hurt that he hasn't found time just to drop me a quick message at all over the past two days? I hate it when you text people and they ignore you yet are perfectly capable of posting online. I find it quite rude, and I'm really disappointed that he hasn't found time to message me. Am I overreacting in feeling rubbish about this? It feels like up until now he's kind of been treating me like a girlfriend...and now he's just vanished. I've got that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Do I take it that things were maybe not as serious as I thought?

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 06/12/2013 15:37

Ps. He thought you were just fuck buddies so owed you no explanations, sorry.

HandragsNGladbags · 06/12/2013 16:25

Hopefully the OP won't meet another knob so the cycle that was down to him won't be repeated.

And I don't think the set up as OP described it is a FB. I can see why she felt the way she did entirely.

JeanSeberg · 06/12/2013 16:28

The cycle wasn't down to him though was it?

Needadviceandfast · 06/12/2013 16:55

Sorry to hear you have been treated like this OP, it sucks and I don't think you we're expecting too much by hoping he'd be in touch while he was away. I personally don't think you've done anything wrong (although if I were you I'd have stopped contacting him when he wasn't replying etc), it's not your fault he is a selfish wanker.

frenchmanicure · 06/12/2013 22:15

OP, don't feel bad. It wasn't anything you did, or didn't do. There are a lot of frankly inadequate men who just don't have the balls to cope with any sort of awkward scenario. EVER. So rather than manning up and explaining the situation (no reason why this guy couldn't have said he was moving away - perfectly reasonable he was in the circs, and understandable he couldn't keep seeing the OP living hundreds of miles away), or even trotting out some cliched 'it's not you it's me' nonsense, he just withdrew, and hoped the OP wouldn't contact him.

It's not just inadequate, it's bad manners too. It has happened to me several times; first time was many years ago, and no-one had ever heard anything like it (to the extent people were telling me to phone hospitals etc). Nowadays however it's become almost acceptable for men to do this - every single woman I know under 35 has been silently dumped at least once, nothing wrong with them. If anything they're all more attractive and successful than the average - and as such more scary to the sort of men who behave like this!

It's cowardly and pathetic, and I couldn't ever respect a man who behaved like that even if they crawled back and begged for another chance.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page