Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2

Relationships

Post- first baby - am I the only one?

31 replies

Gemlove · 13/11/2013 22:48

Hi , I have been looking for a thread on this, but can't find it. I'm wondering if anyone else has had trouble with their husband or partner being completely uninterested romantically / sexually after pregnancy and baby is born? My husband and I haven't had sex in over a year. Wow. Scary to write that down, he is just not interested in me anymore. And it is clear he does nt find me attractive anymore. I don't really know if this is normal or what to do. All the threads are about the reverse. I am wondering if it is because if the baby or that I am slightly heavier now (about 10lbs six months after the birth) or he just doesn't feel attracted at all anymore????? I can't understand, but I don't really know how to address it ... Anyone been through this?????

OP posts:

Report

Lweji · 15/11/2013 07:55

I have heard of some men losing sexual interest after watching the births of their children. Not sure if true or myth.
Your weight cannot possibly be a problem. 10lbs? Really? That's hardly anything.

He is being nasty if he uses the being honest to put you down. Good, nice, people tend to fib a bit, or at worst, use constructive criticism. Does he comment on your weight?

Why do you think if you talk to him, it will lead to a fight? Do you fight a lot? Do you tend to shut up so there are no fights?

Why not tell him that you are unhappy, that you feel unloved, and see what he says? Possibly suggest counselling to address this issue in a controlled setting?

Report

Gemlove · 15/11/2013 08:17

Mamadiggingdeep - did it get better??

OP posts:

Report

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/11/2013 08:38

OP... are you worried that if you tell him you've had enough of being told you don't come up to standard he'll just walk out and leave you?

Report

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/11/2013 08:57

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

What needs of yours are being met?.

Not speaking to him about it because you do not want to start a fight is a big red flag. Do you fear he is going to kick off if you bring the subject up?.

Another red flag here re him is that he is using the "I'm being honest" type comments to put you down.

He is neither a good dad (women often write that type of comment when they themselves can think of nothing positive to say about their man) nor H to you is he is acting like this.

I would think very carefully about your future with this man because he will wear you further down over time. He is already doing that to you.

Report

Preciousbane · 15/11/2013 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 15/11/2013 12:07

I am sure you won't be the only one in this situation. Okay the marvel of motherhood means some of the 'mystique' of the child-free era is lost but a grown man usually recognises that there are changes following pregnancy and birth, along with altered roles.

I am sorry you feel so disconnected, I think you should talk to him about this as a matter of urgency. As you are both able to get more sleep again, (I assume you share a bed?), he has stepped up as a father, you don't mention financial worries and you are able to use babysitters to get out and spend time together, it should be reasonably plain sailing, allowing for the added responsibility and admitted strain on stamina.

Being parents you should also feel secure as partners.