SO ANGRY I MIGHT EXPLODE!!!!

Fizog · 2004-02-24T16:32:50+00:00

AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Stupid f*ckin, @rse, W*nker Just had to get that off my chest. Just phoned me at work to ask for more access to DD. I said I'd think about it, he said no I want a decision now. I said in that case no he couldn't see her more often. Then couldn't get him off the phone, bloody hell wish I had enough money to do something about him once and for all. Sorry just needed to get that off my chest aas am in an open plan office quitelty imploding with anger and frustration

lilibet · 24/02/2004 16:34

Why did he need a decision NOW!
It's just all about control isn't it? Why do they always feel that they have to control you?

Original poster

Fizog · 24/02/2004 16:36

I know. Firstly like I say I work in an open plan office so it's really difficult to talk and he knows this.

Secondly I probably would have said yes (even though I don't want him to) if he'd let me think about it.

Still furious!! absolutely livid. can't remember the last time I felt this angry... don't really know why either it's just him. He's such an awkward stupid little annoying f*cker!!!

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Twinkie · 24/02/2004 16:40

Honey go and get chocolate now - at the end of the day do you think he wants more access/his parents do or he just wants to piss you about - I would say the latter as he 'wanted a decision now' - something has pissed him off and he is taking it out on you!!

(Ha Ha mine is fuming - CSA contacted him last night and I have no compassion apparently - do I not realise that he is gonna have to sell his 4 bedroom detached house if I expect him to pay me Child Support - er yes yes and yes I do Ido I do - ha ha and do I still think that he is going to give me anything in the divorce - er yes yes and yes - at least 50% of everything including pension and endowment - that will teach him to fuck with me the weasel faced arrogant little tosser!!)

I really cross about yours though - next time just put the phone down on him - or say I will talk to you about this at such and such a time as I am busy now earning a living to pay for your daughter to eat!!!

spacemonkey · 24/02/2004 16:41

Poor you fizog - he sounds like an UTTER IDIOT!

Original poster

Fizog · 24/02/2004 16:44

It's because I cut down his access after last massive row that I posted on here about... I never increased it again.

CSA have still done nothing for me!!! it'll be a year in May/June!!!! UN-F*CKING-BELIEVABLE

Glad you're getting what you can from XH twinkie!!

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Galaxy · 24/02/2004 17:11

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Original poster

Fizog · 24/02/2004 17:14

Might have made it worse... just called him and said as he was going to seek legal advice that he couldn't see dd at all unti lhe'd got it sorted... think I might have done wrong.

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angelinaballerina · 24/02/2004 17:46

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Codandchips · 24/02/2004 17:51

..er yes....

BeckiF · 25/02/2004 09:11

My sentiments too ... without wishing to rock any boat and especially not knowing personal circumstances! You may of seen me post elsewhere about dp's evil ex and the stupid CSA. DP's evil ex completely used the children as pawns and they now say they hate their dad and don't want to see him, all because she turned them against him. She was even pulled up in court about her manipulative behaviour too. It's not fair to use children in a power struggle. And it was HER that wanted him out and she still gives him grief! Made herself all sort of enemies by crying poverty and abuse, all of which to her embarrassment proved incorrect and untrue in court.

Anyway, IMO unless you have a very good reason or concern for your childs safety, then to stop the absent parent seeing the child is normally a way for the resident parent to control and upset the absent parent. All personal feelings aside, one must bear in mind that even if you think he is a total @rse, he is the dad! Even if you don't think it has no affect on children, beleive me it does.

None the less, I wish you well.

Bozza · 25/02/2004 09:17

Is there anyway you could change your extension number to stop him ringing you at work? Or could you ring a mobile that you could screen and not answer calls from him?

Original poster

Fizog · 25/02/2004 09:24

Oh god no - didn't expect all questions like this. I was just letting off steam

I'm sure I've posted in numerous places in the past that I do want dd to see her father. I've never stopped her and have gone out of my way to make sure they see each other.

What I said yesterday was in pure anger, the straw that broke the camels back etc if I were to explain everything that's happened I would only be repeating myself and it would take forever.

Rest assured I am not trying to stop him seeing her.

BeckiF - FWIW yes I have seen some of those posts and your circumstances are different. Like you say you don't know the circumstances and on recommendation from the police he only has supervised visits with dd now (his parents must be present unless I have advance notice and if they're not there he must put in writing where he will be and for what length of time). My dd always comes first and I make sure she a lot of contact with her paternal side of the family. I'm offended that you would think that I would use my dd as a 'pawn' I am not your dp's ex. I won't let my xp continually disrupt visiting arrangments so he'l just have to get it sorted once and for all. Also dds paternaal grandparents have dd one day a week - he NEVER goes to visit her on that day! when he could do at anytime

And I'd just like to add that I don't view my dd as a posession in a few years time she will be able to make her own decisions. In the meantime I have to make the decisions that I think are the right ones.

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Twinkie · 25/02/2004 09:25

"Anyway, IMO unless you have a very good reason or concern for your childs safety, then to stop the absent parent seeing the child is normally a way for the resident parent to control and upset the absent parent. All personal feelings aside, one must bear in mind that even if you think he is a total @rse, he is the dad! Even if you don't think it has no affect on children, beleive me it does. "

BeckiF - Fizog has been to hell and back with this man - who refuses to pay anything towards his childs upkeep too - he has abused her to the extent that she has had to call the police even in front of their child - sorry but it makes me so angry that people on one side of the fence can be so bloody moralistic - try living the nightmare of being woken up by a drunk bashing your dooor down in the middle of the night, standing outside your home having abuse hurled at you - being called all the names under the sum including the C word - and this in front of your child!! - He sounds like the sort of wanker that I would try and keep my daughter away from - he is doing all this trying to hurt and control Fizog - he has always been like this and not in the least to build a relationship where they can be amicable and be part of their childs life - he is the one who needs to change - step back and reasses the fact that to be part of his daughters life he needs to control his feelings towards Fizog and be a valuable good kind responsible father rather than the utter twat he is being at the moment who won't actually contribute financially or emotionally to their little girl.

And I am not anti-men/anti-fathers etc - my controlling violent alcoholic x2b is at the moment caring for my daughter (half term) and as much as I would love to be able to hurt and control him I would not stop her seeing him - we just had to go through 14 months of pain and anguish and courts and judges to get to the point where he understood that he could not behave like he was and be in control of the situation in regards to his daughter.

Fizog Honey - go back to the solicitor and see what she says - I would go for supervised access and nothing else until he shows that he can be sensible and grown up about all of this. XXXX

Original poster

Fizog · 25/02/2004 09:30

I can't go back to solicitor twinkie. I ahve been refused legal aid and used the last of my savings last month to pay off my debts.

I would take out a loan but I can't afford the monthly repayments. I alos looked into extended my mmortgage but can't afford the extra payments there either.

All I can do is sit tight at the moment and see if he starts legal proceedings, if he does I'll sell some stuff and go cap in hand to my dad I suppose.

Hopefully his parents will talk some sense into him.

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angelinaballerina · 25/02/2004 09:30

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Original poster

Fizog · 25/02/2004 09:31

Won't be back until late afternoon now.

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MeanBean · 25/02/2004 09:33

Good for you Fizog. It is about control, isn't it, no-one needs a response right "NOW" about something so important. Don't let him wind you up, that's him being in control.

Can someone give me some advice along similar subject? My XP won't phone, contact or have anything to do with the kids - he always says he will, then doesn't bother. For the first year or so that we were apart, I nagged him and then I decided that I was not responsible for his relationship with his kids; my job is to ensure that they see him as and when they want to/ can, but I can't do that if he can't be bothered.

Up to now, it hasn't been an issue, but of course now that my DS has started school, he has started saying he wants a daddy, and that his Daddy is dead. I know that if I get in touch again, XP will say that he will contact, phone, visit, and then it won't happen, and my DS will be terribly let down... again. I want to protect him from that (which I can do), and I want him to feel he has a father (which it looks like I can't do). What shall I do?

Janstar · 25/02/2004 09:36

Fizog, Twinkie is right about everything, especially the chocolate . No, seriously, as someone who has had a court battle concerning contact, I would agree with everything she says. See a solicitor, get a formal agreement, then he will have to stick to the conditions and there will be no grounds for him to call you and start trying to manipulate again.

Janstar · 25/02/2004 09:38

Sorry, Fizog, posts crossed.

BeckiF · 25/02/2004 09:50

I apologise if I have offended anyone, and I did say that not knowing personal circumstances it was difficult to comment, and I did also say it was just my opinion. Clearly there are very good reasons why you are doing what you are, and I totally agree with you. So as I say I'm sorry if I hit a raw nerve with any of you, especially Fizog and Twinkie.

And I don't for one minute assume any of you are anything like the evil psycho that is dp's ex wife. I also didn't say that YOU Fizog are using your child as a pawn at all.

My only point was trying to come from the other side of the fence. I wan't being moralistic at all Twinkie, that infers me not being able to hold up an opinion from personal events. I have seen this same sort of affair within my own family (my half brother and his father to be exact). So I feel very passionately about my own affairs and try to put accross a side that maybe is not often seen or put accross is a concise way.

In closing, more apologies to those I enraged. Please, please be assured I would never want to add to the emotional burden that you are already bearing.

Twinkie · 25/02/2004 10:02

S'Ok BeckiF - I just get mad about stuff sometimes. XXX

Meanbean - my best friend is in the same boat as you - her som is at Nursery and asks about his daddy - she has actually told him that his daddy did not play nicely so she decided that they would not play with him anymore - thats about all she could think of - not sure if it si right or qwrong as I would not know what to say in that situation but thats one route you can go down. Doesn't heap blame on anyone too much either - yes the father did not play nicely - he actually threw her sons cot out of a first floor window as a way of getting her to move out!! But by saying she chose that theywould not see him anymore stops her son thinking that his father did not want to see him.

BeckiF · 25/02/2004 10:15

Phew, thanks Twinkie xxx

Threw a cot out of the window?! Jeepers. DP's ex wife has been telling their children for 6 years that their Dad doesn't love them or want to see them because he doesn't pay more money. In fact, the school rang HIM concerned that the chilren had been saying some very disturbing things about him that were so out of character. It's such an awful shame for them. He lives in hope that as they get older they will realise what Mum says is out or order, and that they will remember how things used to be before their Mum threw him out so she could marry her 3rd husband!

Wish you all well xxx

stace · 25/02/2004 10:49

Sympathy to all who are part of this thread i am another one like BeckiF has a DP with a pschyco ex who constantly has used the kids and continually tries to insiduously (if thats the right word) poison them and denegrate him. BeckiF i know only too well how hard it can be to be in your shoes email me if you want to chat i thinks we hav loads in common hear. Perhaps we should start a new thread for the other woman? I do think that even when things got really really bad for me and my DP it was sometimes hard to take ourselves out of the mayhem, anger and poison and sometimes just let stuff go cos it was better for the kids that way. Sometimes its too easy to keep looking at the future and not really take into account today as well. Anyhow enough babbling from me now anyhow!! Hugs to all

stace · 25/02/2004 10:49

Sympathy to all who are part of this thread i am another one like BeckiF has a DP with a pschyco ex who constantly has used the kids and continually tries to insiduously (if thats the right word) poison them and denegrate him. BeckiF i know only too well how hard it can be to be in your shoes email me if you want to chat i thinks we hav loads in common hear. Perhaps we should start a new thread for the other woman? I do think that even when things got really really bad for me and my DP it was sometimes hard to take ourselves out of the mayhem, anger and poison and sometimes just let stuff go cos it was better for the kids that way. Sometimes its too easy to keep looking at the future and not really take into account today as well. Anyhow enough babbling from me now anyhow!! Hugs to all

spacemonkey · 25/02/2004 10:52

I'd like to add my sympathy. My XH is a psycho too who has messed with my children's minds over the last 5 years as a result of his loneliness and bitterness - perhaps we need a new Psycho Ex topic