My former best friend in the world that I lost touch with 11 years ago has now suddenly joined Facebook.

[QuintessentialShadows]

Seeing his name on the "friends suggestion list" was a strange punch to the stomach.

We used to be so close. But he did mention to me when I got married that he tended to lose touch with all friends that become parents. It is very complex, and to do with his parents, his older sister, the family sorrow of no new children born to the family. His guilt at never (as a gay man) being able to produce grand children for his parents, whom he loved dearly. I know all this and I understand.
He broke up with his long term boyfriend 11 years ago and moved to a coastal town known for its vibrancy. I have not seen him since. My phone number has not changed. I still live in the same house as I did then.

It has been his choice to move on from our friendship. And now his facebook profile is there, and this digital interface is suggesting he becomes my friend. I can see all our friends from back then welcoming him saying that now there is finally a point to Facebook. Many of these friends now have children of their own. We are in our forties!

I do feel hurt that he could just cut me off like that, simply because I got pregnant. I have so many memories with him, and the things we got up to, and even just evenings in playing backgammon are fond memories. We were flatmates for years, as students, but had known each-other since I was 15-16.

I could not possibly send him a Friends request.

Thats allright.

So sad, Quint.
It was nice that you did make contact and got to see/talk once more. He must have appreciated that.

Sorry about your Mom declining as well.
((Hug))

It is very sad.

In any case you should not beat yourself. He stopped contact. You really weren't responsible for chasing contact all this time.

Try to concentrate on the good that came of it. That you were able to be together at some point and all the good things he brought to your life at one point.
He also seems to have found love, which is not a bad thing.

I hope he has a peaceful passing.

Also a big hug for your mum.

Quint, really sorry to hear about your friend, and your mum.

Sorry to hear about your friend, that is very sad.

But you got to see him, and whilst it may have been difficult for both of you it probably meant the world to him and he got to see you before he leaves this world.

Quint I am so sorry about your friend.

it was lovely that he remembered you and Im glad you got to see him and chat to him.

Thanks, he is still hanging in there. The doctors said yesterday they did not think he would survive the day. He did.

I am glad for getting a chance to see him and talk to him. We cleared up that it was just life taking different paths and it was never a conscious choice to not see each-other. We both thought there would always be time. I was also really glad to meet his partner, and to see that he has experienced the love of a good man for years and years, and had his support through this, and his mum and sister dying.

I am also feeling a bit better. But the last 4 months have been emotional ups and downs.

My childhood friend died from cancer in October, leaving behind husband and 3 young children. Not my bereavement, but thought provoking and terribly sad.

My dad had another stroke in November, which resulted in him rolling down a few steps and getting his motorized wheelchair on top of himself.

Christmas with my mum in December and seeing how much she has deteriorated, and hear she is on the End pathway and with a non-resuscitation order.

My friend dying now.

Yesterday my sister rang to tell me she has been given a pre-surgery appointment on Monday for having her thyroid out, as there is a tumour.

The last few months have not been great, and I do feel it is a bit too much.

Gosh that is an awful lot in such a small space of time. No wonder you're flinging it a bit much.

Do you have a good support network? Would it be worth speaking to your GP if you've not already?

Thanks.

I got to see him again on Saturday, and went straight to the garden center to stock up on colorful plants to cheer myself and my garden up.

He passed away peacefully yesterday.

I feel calm now.

Sorry Quint