Should i cancel my trip away?

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I told DD1 (6) that I had to go away this week for a couple of days. First day I am working and the second seeing family. DP will be looking after them and as he is unemployed at the moment he is doing a lot of the childcare anyway so knows all their routines etc.

DD1 got very upset and started crying. she said daddy shouts a lot when I am not home - mainly at DD2 (who is 2). I don't know if I should cancel my trip away. DP has diabetes and can get quite short tempered, especially if he forgets to eat regularly. DD2 is also a cheeky monkey and would try the patience of a saint. DP is also quite strict I think - or stricter than me anyway.

But I can't help feeling that being away for 2 days is too long if its making DD1 so sad and I am worried about DD2 - although DD2 is very fond of her dad and I don't see any sign that she is scared of him.

I feel guilty about going but have been quite depressed for some months now and think that seeing my family might help.

Go on your trip - but take your kids.

And then when you get back, find out what exactly your DP does/says to his children when you're not there, because if your 6 year old is so scared at the prospect that she cries, then you have a serious problem.

Can't take the kids. I either go or don't.

I quizzed 6 year old at length and I am certain nothing else is going on, either with her or DD2.

'Forgets to eat regularly' isn't an excuse to bully his kids.

Listen to your daughter.

He's losing his temper with them, OP, and shouting at them. This will be harming them. You must protect them.

Have you tackled him about what your DD1 said yet?

Er - don't think I said it was an excuse.

Problem is - I am not sure if he is bullying DD2. DD1 is pretty sensitive to any kind of disruption, and she told me that she is mostly sad that I am going away. DD1 has said that she doesn't shout at him

I haven't spoken to DP yet.

'I am not sure if he is bullying DD2' - that statement on its own gives you your answer. How is he with you?

generally lovely - unless his blood sugar drops when he gets snappy and rude. Before he got his diabetes diagnosis last year it was more difficult because I never knew if something would make him "wig out". Now I just feed him a cheese roll and 10 minutes later he is fine.

Trouble is, when I am not here to nag him I worry that he won't eat - and he will get shouty.

If in doubt don't go. If you go now you won't enjoy your time away (the family bit) as you'll be worrying about your DDs.

You definitely need to speak to DP about how you feel and what your DD1 said to you.

I wish you well and hope you come to a conclusion that you're happy with

Can your DDs stay with a friend? just a thought.

Thanks Spanna. I will speak to DD1 again today and also DP.

Why can't he feed himself a bloody cheese roll? He needs to take responsibility, especially if he's caring for his children.

It might just be that play up a bit when you are not there and know how to press his buttons or that you are the 'softer' parent. A friend's hubbie is less able to tolerate the kids playing up, despite (or perhaps because) he works with problem kids!!! Could also be that they are a bit 'clingy' and don't want you to go? Has this scenario happened before?

Don't cancel your trip away. If you genuinely thought your DP was abusive towards his own children, surely you'd have told him to pack his bags long ago? Set him the challenge of how he's going to remind himself to eat something every couple of hours.

CES - she's said she thinks he's bullying one of the girls...

Thanks Cogito and Deathwatch. I am definitely the softer parent - and if I thought for a moment he was genuinely abusive he would have been long gone.

I agree with Cognito, if you really think he is abusive why are you still with him? I found that 6 yrs was the real time of fuss and not wanting you to go out. I noted with each of mine that they were 6yrs when they didn't want a babysitter and didn't want me to go out. It is a phase.

She said she's 'not sure if he's bullying DD2'.... which is hardly conclusive. She described him as strict, shouty, snappy and rude - but only when he hasn't eaten. If he's bad enough to cancel a trip over, he's too bad to keep as a partner... that's my point.

actually Cogito's point is really good one. And DD2 is pretty mischievous

Is your DP aware of his short temperedness when his blood sugar drops? This is something he needs to find strategies for.

Are there any electronic aids (phone or tablet) he could use to set a couple of days worth of reminders. He would also need to put together a set of appropriate snacks so that he can just grab and eat as the alarm goes off.

This is something he needs to recognise the importance of.

Is there any chance that your older DD recognises your concerns and is pressing your buttons? Not that small children can be good at that, oh no, not at all!

What's the odds your elder dd doesn't want u to go and is the one who is playing up??

If this was the other way around and a father posted saying his DD said mummy shouts a lot, people would pile into say 'she's probably tired, exactly how much housework do you do!' And 'how dare you suggest a mother shouldn't discipline her own children'

If the OP has genuine concerns about an abusive father it's not a case of keeping DC with you for a few days...it's a case of leave.

If he is stricter than OP the kids will cope.... or whinge to mum hoping to undermine dad

OP you have my sympathy despite my post. I'm a soft mum and do a lot of talking not shouting. I find a shouty parent pointless, irritating and demonstrates a loss of control, but meet a lot of them...usually mums.

My dd1 is 6 and terrible re being left overnight. Partly it is she feels she is missing out and partly an age thing I think. She was always fine as a baby/toddler, it probably began at about 6 and she is nearly 7.

She would probably say daddy is mean (which is rubbish) or anything really if she could have her way and me not go. We have had it with leaving her with my suster and her cousins who she adores, dh (also adores) and a friends sleepover. I think the emotions at this age overwhelm them. I know that 10 mins after I/we have gone that all is fine.

As others have said, if you truly believed dp was abusive you would not be with him.

I can't believe anyone thinks you should cancel this trip.

Just go and do your work and see your family.

Your children will be fine with their father, even if he is a bit grumpy.

Rarely will this happen, but I actually agree with Cogito. There seemed to be the rumblings of a typical MN over-reaction. Go on your trip and hope he doesn't hospitalise the kids

No, seriously, just go on your trip. Maintain contact via facetime/skype/phone if you feel you have to, but please don't make your partner feel as if you don't trust him to look after the kids!