Should i cancel my trip away?

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I told DD1 (6) that I had to go away this week for a couple of days. First day I am working and the second seeing family. DP will be looking after them and as he is unemployed at the moment he is doing a lot of the childcare anyway so knows all their routines etc.

DD1 got very upset and started crying. she said daddy shouts a lot when I am not home - mainly at DD2 (who is 2). I don't know if I should cancel my trip away. DP has diabetes and can get quite short tempered, especially if he forgets to eat regularly. DD2 is also a cheeky monkey and would try the patience of a saint. DP is also quite strict I think - or stricter than me anyway.

But I can't help feeling that being away for 2 days is too long if its making DD1 so sad and I am worried about DD2 - although DD2 is very fond of her dad and I don't see any sign that she is scared of him.

I feel guilty about going but have been quite depressed for some months now and think that seeing my family might help.

thanks all - I am going. Thanks to Cogito for being the voice of reason. I think it's partly because I always feel guilty about leaving the kids anyway - and DD1 is very effective at helping to send me on a guilt trip.

I agree that this is the right decision. Being with a grumpy dad for 2 days won't harm them.

But generally, it sounds like he needs to sort out his blood sugar. I am not diabetic but have PCOS and insulin sensitivity. I get very irritable when my blood sugar drops. However, I'm an adult and I know this, so I eat little and often, try to keep my blood sugar stable and if I feel the blood sugar sweats coming on when I am out, I stop to get some food asap. It's not good for him (or the family!) to have his blood sugar unstable so this is the real issue.

I think you'll be fine, the children will be fine but your DP does need to find some way to manage his eating regularly, even if he has to set himself an alarm 3 times a day. Or, if you don't think he'd do that, you could set one for him.

Brianwont - it's not necessarily as easy as "why can't he make his own cheese roll" - I used to work with a diabetic who would, just prior to tea break, start to get irritable. This would make her stubborn and insistent that she was ok, and that she didn't need to go for her break immediately, nor need to eat. Of course she did - but part of the symptoms of the drop in blood sugar is this dreadful stubbornness that is self-defeating. We used to have to push her out the door to have her break - and after she'd eaten she'd be fine.

Go and invest in a watch with multiple alarms for DH and use it as a way into discussing his eating habits. Tell him to set the alarm there and then for regular intervals to ensure he doesn't just forget.

He hasn't been diagnosed for very long and still hasn't quite got a handle on how much something like this can rule your life. Also it still might not be fully under control yet.

Once his blood sugars are out he won't be able to recognise the symptoms himself and your children shouldn't be in the position of babysitting him (albeit unintentionally) through it so the alarm thing is a good compromise.

I'm concerned that your DP doesn't seem to be managing his diabetes; getting grumpy /shouty to the point of upsetting your DD1 is one thing, going into a diabetic coma because he's not on top of his glucose levels is something else!

I would be concerned about leaving him in charge of 2 children when he's struggling to manage his condition.

You are not his mother,he should be capable of managing his own illness.If he can't then don't leave the children with him.Sorry if that sounds harsh but I've been around someone who didn't look after themselves when diabetic.It wasnt pleasant and I can imagine quite confusing for a child.

Sorry op that was abit harsh I think I'm projecting a little there! I think sometimes people diagnosed with diabetes can be in denial about how unwell they can become if they don't look after themselves properly.Sit down with him and come up with a little timetable or something he can put on the fridge reminding him when to snack.Get the kids involved they might enjoy bossing him aroun!

I think people need to learn about diabetes and hypos before they say it's just as easy to make your own cheese roll! Sometimes your fortunate enough to know when your sugars are low and sometimes you don't!

Diabetes ignorance is really bad!

Is this Type II Diabetes we're talking about?

Actually, sugars going up can create mood problems as well - I used to work for an old man who had Type II diabetes and you could really tell when his sugars were off! He was lovely when they were ok and a right old irascible git when they were off.

I'd say go on the trip, but also have a serious talk with DH about managing his blood sugar. Can he set his phone to alarm at various times to remind him to eat? He needs to see his GP and make it clear that the current state of affairs isn't working so great. THere are lots of tools and strategies for managing diabetes, but he needs to be hooked up with them by his doctor.

This appears to be quite a MN over-reaction.
You must all be saints. None if you ever shout then?
Must just be me then!!
It might be that mum us much softer and dad is stricter. Could be as simple as that. As others have said.
I am a diabetic and the ignorance here is frightening.
And also OP, where is your care and love for dp? How long diagnosed?

Just a thought - between ages 5-10 I hateed my mum going away and would cry like the world was ending. I would also emphasise any mistake that my carer had made (whether aunt, great aunt or nanny) and beg not to be left with them.

Might be worth a serious chat with 6 year old and oh just to probe this further?

I agree. Dd2 is 2 , a pickle and could probably make most if us shout.
Dd1 is 6 and doesn't want mum to go. She didn't mean to send mum on a guilt trip, but she has I fact done a spectacular job.
Dp needs some care and support from a diabetic specialist nurse.
Dp needs some understanding from OP and the ds's . Are to be reassured by OP that he is a good parent, just stricter than OP. Not abusive ( my eyes are rolling)
Perspective is needed here.

Common sense, Oblomov. I was on much earlier in the thread and asked why OP was still with him if he was abusive.
Either he is abusive and she should leave or he isn't and will be fine.
6 yrs is the peak age for not wanting mother to go away, you just explain and go.

I agree with those saying that if your DP was that bad, you should be calling off the relationship, not just the business trip, so I think you should go.

I also think you should go for the sake of your DC. IF they learn they can hold you to ransom through guilt, that's going to set an awfully unhealthy family dynamic for all of you.

Also, your DP will get better at parenting the more he does of it.

In my care work days I used to look after several diabetics and I also nursed my MIL who had it. It's not that simple about recognising a drop/rise in blood sugars, I agree, but that's why it's so vital to monitor your blood glucose and adapt your diet to minimise the risk of going hyper- or hypoglycemic in the first place. Your DP needs to take responsibility for that. What would he do if he lived alone?

You mentioned that before his diagnosis you never knew if he would 'wig out' but now you just feed him a cheese roll.
It's the insulin (or some tablet medication if type 2) medication that drops your blood sugar not diabetes. Diabetes raises it. So before his diagnosis he would not have been taking insulin and therefore would not have been experiencing low blood sugars.
However, I probably felt unwell and that can make you grumpy. Loads of people shout unfairly at their kids, I do. Only you know if its an issue though.