Is a proper kiss classed as cheating?

[pecka]

This is not me btw for anyone reading that knows me!

I was out last night on a big day/night out with the girls. There were 6 of us and it was a real girlie giggle day with emphasis on getting drunk and having a laugh.

In one of the bars we were in we all had a laugh with another group of lads, dancing, carrying on etc just harmless. There was one amongst them that we all agreed was lush really good looking, glinty eyes, nice clothes etc. It was all just lighthearted but nice boy then made a beeline for one of my friends and they were having a chat and a little dance. This sort of continued all night in 3 different pubs (we kept bumping into them) until eventually I turned round and they were properly snogging. They did this a few times.

What I want to know is this classed as cheating?

Our group was a bit divided about it - 1 of the girls really upset, most of us not really sure what to think and a couple of us not bothered either way.

What do you think?

She has been married for just over a year and has one child with her husband (have been together about 4 -5 years)

[drpepper]

i would have to say it is cheating and i would feel betrayed if my dp did it and he would feel the same ! if it was a drunken one off i MIGHT be able to forgive it but not for a while and would take a long time for me to trust him again and not worry every time he went out with the lads and i wouldnt expect him to forgive me no matter how guilty and stupid i felt ! its giving in to temptation when you know you shouldnt and thats never a good thing unless it involves chocolate !

[YellowFeathers]

I think its cheating, no question.
I'd be bloody livid if I found out dh had done this to me and vice versa.


Yeah fair enough, we all like to have a look and we all say who we think looks attractive and when you've had a few drinks it can make you a bit more "out there"
but still!

[whiterabbit]

Have done this - a big factor in my stopping drinking.

I think it is cheating and hugely regret it.

[motherinferior]

Notwithstanding the moral issue, am I the only one slightly, er, envious of someone who can (a) go out (b) get a snog? I mean, I can be as judgemental as I like about this because I secretly suspect that I'd have about a snowball's chance in hell.

[ginmummy]

Yes it is cheating. She wouldn't like it if her husband did it to her.

A kiss leads to much more than just tickling each other's tonsills and it sounds like it's mutual attraction that could go a lot further given the opportunity.

Is she not happy with her husband?

[SSSandy]

I'd judge it along the lines, would it hurt dh if he'd seen me doing it? If yes, it shouldn't have happened.

[Snafu]

MI. Quite possibly.

[Chandra]

What I find difficult to agree with is that being drunk releases the woman from responsability.

[zippy539]

With you there, motherinferior....

[zippy539]

I don't think being drunk does release anyone from a sense of responsibility. Whatever anyone gets up to on such occasions stays with them in as horrible guilty burden for the rest of their days.

However, sometimes it takes getting drunk to make someone realise that they feel downtrodden, taken for granted, unattractive etc and makes them long for the 'good old days' of being young, free, single and desirable. If pecka's mate is sensible she'll see this as a warning sign and try to sort out those feelings. She must be feeling pretty low or why else would she want to snog a total stranger in a pub. Any time I have done the same (and pre DH I admit I did) I was feeling pretty crap about myself.

[SSSandy]

If I saw dh having a real kiss, I don't think it would be any less painful than watching him having sex with someone else. I'd be shocked and really really hurt so for me it would be cheating.

I agree with what someone else wrote though about having double standards, possibly if it were me doing it, I'd wouldn't find it as bad! Hmm have to think about that one.

[TinyGang]

Depends on the parameters of your relationship. I if you truly don't mind your dh/dp doing it too when he's out then all well and good.

Personally I'd be very upset. I think it's playing with fire.

[bourneville]

zippy, i totally echo everything you've said. i used to tell my ex as much as i could get away with (eg "i had a bit of a dance with xxxx" when in fact we danced quite raunchily & had a few pecks on the lips (i stopped it becoming a snog)) It was to relieve my own guilt & make it feel like i was being open & honest.

& re getting drunk bringing out true feelings in the relationship, i think that's true too. it took several drunken breakdowns about my relationship (usually talking to another guy who i'd been flirting with) before i recognised that i had to leave the relationship.

My current boyf still goes out drinking etc (i can't always go of course, being with child!) & i still find it very, very hard to trust him, not because i don't trust him but because i've been there & know what alcohol does to you. if i couldn't be fully faithful - me with such a moral highground -how can i fully trust somebody else to be? Am thinking of starting a thread about this trust thing cos it rears its ugly head from time to time...

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Kissing is a big deal in my marriage and I don't think there'd be any such thing as "just a kiss" for us. It's not just your lips is it, it's a lot of other intimacies all wrapped up in each other.

You can have a quickie shag that's way less romantic and sexy than a full on snogging session.

[PaintingByNumbers]

Entirely depends on her/her partner. For me, it'd be out of order but not a particularly big deal.

[Bluebell878275]

Definitely cheating. I've been extremely drunk on occasions but I have never forgotten I have a husband. Just the thought of kissing someone else makes me feel sick - the look on his face if he saw me. That would kill me.

[cuirderussie]

11 year old thread!

[user1496940061]

I think a line has been crossed here therefore it's cheating
The husbands trust in his wife would be effected if he ever found out.

[Bluebell878275]

Oh fuckit!! Where's the zombie thread notice gone lol

[lifeinthecountry]

Not according to my exh.. anything short of full sex, not cheating.

[Ferfukzsake]

Sorry - I started the thread going again as I didn't look at the date and then I asked for my comment to be deleted. I'll get the hang of MN soon!

Anyway my comment was that I've snogged a few people while in relationships - typically when I've felt like my OH was taking me for granted. It was a "stuff you knobhead, I can get someone else easy..." thing. The 3 times I did it made me feel better and I never told any of the 3 knobheads involved, although I did feel a bit guilty.

It was cheating though, because I would have been miffed if I found out they had done the same thing.

[clairewilliams999]

This girl I worked with said it isn't cheating if you use a condom. I don't agree