Is a proper kiss classed as cheating?

[pecka]

This is not me btw for anyone reading that knows me!

I was out last night on a big day/night out with the girls. There were 6 of us and it was a real girlie giggle day with emphasis on getting drunk and having a laugh.

In one of the bars we were in we all had a laugh with another group of lads, dancing, carrying on etc just harmless. There was one amongst them that we all agreed was lush really good looking, glinty eyes, nice clothes etc. It was all just lighthearted but nice boy then made a beeline for one of my friends and they were having a chat and a little dance. This sort of continued all night in 3 different pubs (we kept bumping into them) until eventually I turned round and they were properly snogging. They did this a few times.

What I want to know is this classed as cheating?

Our group was a bit divided about it - 1 of the girls really upset, most of us not really sure what to think and a couple of us not bothered either way.

What do you think?

She has been married for just over a year and has one child with her husband (have been together about 4 -5 years)

In the Bill Clinton sense of the term, 'If it's just oral, it ain't immoral.'

I wonder how many of us have done this anyway?

Me for one Rhubarb.

Pretty much same scenario as you describe. I was pissed but I enjoyed the attention. By the time I got home I was feeling so crap from the guilt that I had to wake DP (now DH) to tell him. We got over it but no way could I have lived with not telling him. That, to me, would have been much worse and would have marked the encounter out as something much more than just a drunken snog.

Can't say I've done this, but did get to the point where a flirtation w/a friend was taking on WAY too many sexual overtones, to the point where outsiders were staring to notice.

And I realised, I actually did want to sleep w/him.

Had been having marital problems for some time, though.

Was the hardest thing to do, but I brought this up to my then spouse.

We stewed things over and went to counselling.

We decided to separate - not particularly b/c of that issue, it was one among several other, important ones (such as his not wanting kids).

About six months after we split, I did begin a sexual relationship w/this person, which in the end didn't work out.

BUT, b/c of the honesty and respect my former spouse and I shared, we were able to divorce amicably after two years of separation and remain friends - we have both since happily remarried and he is living in Germany w/his new spouse.

I know if he felt similarly, he'd have told me, too.

Yes.

During a previous relationship, i started hanging out with work colleagues drinking in pubs etc, & a couple of times went & stayed over at their houses, two of the guys I ended up (separate occasions!) sharing a bed with them. I was on a v moral highground, no snogging or anything, actually stopped anything like that from happening, but looking back i realise now I really WAS overstepping the line bigtime & my boyf would have been devastated.

I lied to him about it too, swore i slept on the sofa

yes, it's cheating.

I know a few people who do this when they are out and get pissed and tbh I can never quite decide if it's cheating or not.

I think I probably think yes it is but it's not a big deal iykwim ? Not sure ikwim LOL

Yes, it's cheating.

i dont think it is really.

it is tacky though, regardless

crikey i obviously have the morals of an alley cat

its cheating! id be beside myself if i knew dp has kissed someone else

Yes it is cheating and I'd be bloody livid with Dh if he did it, however it wouldn't be the end of our relationship.

It'd just be a "incident" in our marriage. It wouldn't cross my mind to separate over it.

If I did it (in similar circumstances) I would call it a drunken moment of madness and def. not cheating. If DH did it I would be gutted. Mmmm double standards.

Also, I wouldn't dream of telling DH - that would only serve to make me feel better and him feel dreadful. If you do something daft, I think YOU have to live with the guilt of it and not dump it onto someone else. However, if the snog was with someone I actually had a 'relationship' with (ie I'd known them for more than fifteen minutes in a pub situation) then that would be different because the snog would actually mean something. Then I might have to confess.

I think your friend should think about why she felt the need to do this and take it from there.

Wow, I have a very understanding dh then! If he did it I think I would react as he did to me.

I don't think it's "cheating", it's abusing the trust in that relationship. I don't see a snog as that intimate, I used to snog blokes just as a one-off, we all did surely? It didn't mean we were intimate with them! We just wanted a snog!

I think I'm trying to retrieve my halo from the skip!

I think it's cheating but not as bad as having sex with someone else. I did this a few times when dh and I were a lot younger - snogged a few of his mates at parties. At the time thought it was fine, just a laugh, but now looking back I feel bad about it. Think dh was saintly to put up with me! Was stopped in my tracks when someone pounced on me at one of our parties though, put me off snogging other people ever again.

We weren't married then, btw, but were living together.

Haven't read thread but agree with Boris and Hula - it is cheating, and it's pretty shoddy behavious IMO. I'd be gutted if dh did it to me (which he wouldn't, and neither would I)

Not meaning to attck you, Rhubarb, btw - I know people have different views and different relationships, and people behave differently when they're younger and before having kids too.

Yes, it's cheating.

so which is worse then? a snog with a stranger or a non-sexual but close and otherwise intimate relationship with a member of the opposite (or same depending on circ) sex where the party involved cannot give the relationship up?

Both are cheating, surely?