My AH has been a total A... :-(

[sb34]

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Oh sweetie we wondered where you had gone
Emotional Cripple
What an arse!

He's an arsewipe (to borrow sw lovely turn of phrase).

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Sit him down and ask him if he has anything he wnats to ask you.

I was one of those neoghbours the other day when some snot nosed gits banged on my door and ran away. I turned into a fishwife.

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Oh, what a #*&#@. I think sitting your son down like Lou33 suggested is a good idea. Tell him you love him and can ask you anything anytime. If it doesn't come up then, it might at a most unexpected moment when he's more comfortable.

Agree with everyone here, but personally I wouldn't make it such a formal thing as sitting him down as in our house talks like that tend to always get interupted or DS1 will get upset. Our eldest is 5 in april and he'd much rather be doing other stuff than chatting to me or DH regardless of the situation. Could you just chat on the way to school or at dinner just in a more casual occasion then it might not be upsetting for him.

Your young man is probably very different to mine so ignore me if this is a rubbish idea.

MY 4.5 year old sound like yours, emmatmg. I don't think he'd get much out of a sit down session. I don't know what your son is like sb34, and so I don't know if my advice is any use to you. Anyway, if I needed to get an important message across to my son, and wanted him to open up to me, I'd casually talk round the subject at odd moments. So, for instance, I'd start chattting and reminiscing about his father taking him out somewhere, say, something nice and casual(even if I am spitting it out through clenched teeth )and see how my ds reacted to the mention of 'dad' then take my cue from that.

For more deliberate conversations, I find the best time to chat to my sons is just after I have tucked him up at bedtime. I give him a cuddle. He suddenly starts to tell me things about his day. It might be the last ditch attempt to stave off bedtime -he doesn't want me to leave them, but conversations go deeper than in the light of day.

Whatever you do tomorrow, I hope it goes well for you both.

You explain it so much better than me tigermoth!

Had a dream about you lats night - I was at your house and we were sleeping on the floor and making cakes but I made you go down the corner shop to get butter for proper butter icing cause the pink stuff that comes with the Bob the Builder Cake Mix is Yucky - how weird is that - you were pissed and had to walk to the shop so was a bit cross with me!!

So thought about you first thing this morning - must be telepathetic to grief in your house!!

I have a book about divorce - got it off Amazon - but DD not bothered that her father is not here and so not used them - do you want me to send you one or come and pick one up - or you could order one from Amazon or go look in Booke etc...

I would say just explain to DS that you and daddy will always be his mummy and daddy but sometimes mummy and daddys don't get on anymore and there are lots of arguements and shouting and being cross and its not good for you or for Daddy or him and DD but you both still love him more then anything and will always be there for him no matter what.

As for AH - what a C**T (see I must be angry to use that word!!!!) - he just couldn't bring himself to say mummy chucked me out because I am a violent AH - thought he could have been a bit more sensible and say he still loves DS and will always be his daddy. Maybe you should get him a book too!! (Helping Children Cope with Divorce by Edward Teyber is good).

Hope you ok Honey and enjoyed your break. XXX

Keep us apdated and ring the hospital to chase your appointment.

thats crap parenting on any level
Grrrr

It depends on the child yes. I was thinking about my middle 2, who are 5 and 7. They would/could sit on the sofa at an appropriate moment, chosen by their initiation, and listen to my replies. I think sb's oldest is about 6ish,isn't he ?

Wherevevr thr conversation occurs, i think it's important to try and answer their questions as honestly as you can, in a simplified way they can understand though.

6 going on 15!!

So it isn't just mine then?!

And sometimes 15 going on 6

I agree with Tigermoth, I'd go for when tucking him up at night. I always give my DSs a hug and a kiss and tell them I love them. Sometimes DS2 tells me stuff at that point, says sorry if he's been naughty etc so it sould be a nice "snuggly" time to broach the subject of AH. The classic "you know mummy & daddy both still love you even if we don't get on with each other" type statement might be a good opener?

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The thing about doing it last thing though, is that it may prey on his mind during the night.

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I hope you get to have a chat with him sb, sounds like he needs it.

Regarding the hospital, i don't believe for one second that there is noone else who can deal with your appt. What's the name of the consultant you are seeing? Can you call them and let rip? Definitely call the gp too and tell them, they might be able to sort it.

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. That's great sb!

It's hard to predict what will worry them isn't it? In retrospect you can see that if one parent said they didn't want to live with him that the other one might feel the same way, but I wouldn't have predicted it either...

So glad you were able to reassure him so brilliantly

What an ar*e he's being. Honestly.

Gimme an A!
Gimme an R!
Gimme an S!
Gimme an E!

ROFL!

Child psychology hey! Daddy doesn't want to live here...it must be because of me...ergo Mummy won't want to live with me! It's a minefield isn't it. Sounds like you said all the right things SB. This is breaking my heart, just thinking of that poor mite being put through that cr*p by your AH, but still wanting to be with him. What an angel.