How much does your DH do re. domestic shores?

[Whitegoldrings]

I'm increasingly resentful over this. Throughout our long marriage I have worked P/T and DH has a demanding job. When our kids were at home ( they have now left) I did all the cleaning, cooking, food shopping and he did the grass cutting, putting out the rubbish and bits of DIY. Now that we are on our own and my career has picked up a bit ( I'm self employed now) I expect a more egalitarian marriage where he pulls his weight around the house. Needless to say, he doesn't. I feel like his mum and our sex life has dwindled to nothing because I just feel angry with him all the time.

I have suggested he does 2 things- hoover the stairs at a weekend ( because the hoover is heavy for me), iron his own shirts ( which I wash during the week) and make one meal over the weekend. He can't cook and has never shown any interest but he could buy a pop in the oven meal and make some effort. On top of this he never takes any responsibility for Xmas ( presents etc for kids ) or holidays- I have done it all. Yet everyone who knows him says he is such a nice man- kind, considerate, great to work for .

Unless I remind him week in and week out, he does none of it, then I feel like a nag.

On top of this he is a hoarder, untidy, doesn't even file the bills and paperwork which are in his name, so it's all chaos unless I do.

I feel some sympathy for him because he was ill for 2 years and low in energy but is much better.

He's also dyslexic which means that he has to expend more energy at work to cope- he has a senior management job which involves travel-but I feel I get the dregs.

Please don't suggest a cleaner- we can't afford it and there is no way I'd pay anyway for the things we could manage between us.

But how can I get him to see that this is getting me down? No matter what I say, he doesn't change. It's becoming a deal breaker for me because I am a professional person in my own right, put my career on hold when the kids were young, but always wanted an equal partnership, not some 1950s style marriage.

I stoke the boilers/stoves
Load/Empty the dishwasher
Cook at weekends/the odd night.

Hoover when we do "weekly clean"
Iron my own shirts etc occasionally.
Do DIY

Very spoilt but I work FT: DW PT Kids are long departed!

F**k All.

holly

I do meat and other savouries, DW does cakes, machine does bread.

Ironing: you want ironed clothes, you do them yourself.

Cleaning: take turns to hoover downstairs daily, clean bathroom weekly, bedrooms are the occupants' problem. DD will go mad once a fortnight and do half the house.

Garden: it's got grass and a washing line. I keep one short and the other tight.

Shopping: whoever's going past Sainsburys.

Admin and transport: I do the banking online, DW does school (now college) runs or buys DD a weekly ticket. Hols we choose together and I book. Evening and weekends we split.

We've both worked FT except for 2 years when DD was tiny.

If you want comparisons I'm on mat leave so do main bulk of the housework. Dp works shifts, days, lates and nights, about 60 hours a week. He does however have 4 days off after this. He does washing up, loads and unloads dishwasher, he does laundry and Hoovers and dusts on an ad hoc basis if needed ie. I ask and I wouldn't when he's working. He does the bins every week regardless of what shift he's on and mowing the grass is his job as is changing the beds I'd say he cooks 40% of the time too. It's far from equal. He wouldn't have a clue what to do if I asked him to clean a bathroom but when I go back to work childcare and housework will have to be more equal and I have no qualms about nagging because he just doesn't seem to see dirt like I do!