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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Really worried

30 replies

mummytasha11 · 07/11/2013 20:47

Hi everyone

Split up with my ex in March since then I have been getting into some states and inviting men back to my flat - I know it's bad and I need to stop! This weekend I had someone back and we had a ons but he asked for my number and i gave it to him anyway since the weekend he has been really keen and been sending me text messages and wanting to call me etc..I have been politely replying then tonight I have sent him a message asking him to back off (still not completely over my ex and do not want to be getting serious with anyone as I'm not in the right place) and he has bombarded me with messages and won't leave me alone - the thing is I am quite worried he is going to turn up at my door because he ovb knows where I live Hmm

OP posts:
Mumistheword1 · 07/11/2013 20:49

Tell him to back off or you'll call the police.

I think the real issue is your split with your ex

ParsleyTheLioness · 07/11/2013 20:52

I wouldn't answer the door. And what Mum says...

Mumistheword1 · 07/11/2013 20:53

Maybe buy a peep hole for the door if you don't already have one

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 07/11/2013 20:53

I won't be answering the door - hopefully he will get the hint as i am ignoring him.
I am definitely not over my ex and I do not want to be messing him around.

OP posts:
itsmeisntit · 07/11/2013 20:54

Lesson learned ?????

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 07/11/2013 20:55

Absolutely - I am so messed up my head is all over the place

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 07/11/2013 20:55

Just ask him, politely, not to contact you again. If he doesn't block his number.

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 07/11/2013 21:06

I've just sent him

It's best if we don't speak anymore

Hopefully he will leave me alone now.

OP posts:
Mumistheword1 · 07/11/2013 21:15

good

tell us if he replies

Thants · 07/11/2013 21:30

Don't answer the door and let a friend or family member know.
Itsmeisntit that's very rude. The op did nothing wrong! It's not her fault this guy isn't backing off. So no 'lesson' needs learning.

pigsDOfly · 07/11/2013 22:07

As others have said, don't answer your door and keep your phone on you in case you do need to call the police.

I know this is not what your OP is about mummtasha, but it sounds like having ons is not making you happy and is making you feel vulnerable. A friend of my daughter did exactly the same thing when her boyfriend ended their relationship. She was devastated and it was clear she was trying to bury her feelings but it really didn't help. Since then she has lurched from one disastrous relationship to another.

You say you're not over your ex. Maybe you need to give yourself a bit more space and time to recover.

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 08/11/2013 02:35

He has sent me a message back saying

Take it your back with your ex then

I can't sleep now for worrying Sad why can't he just leave me alone like I have asked?

OP posts:
Leverette · 08/11/2013 05:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 08/11/2013 07:59

No but I shouldn't be inviting men back to my flat that I have only just met - he wouldn't know where I lived if I hadn't of done that.
If he messages again today I will say leave me alone or I'll report you
To the police..also I'll be blocking his number!

Just a bit scared he will turn up at my flat at some point over the weekend

OP posts:
mumofboyo · 08/11/2013 09:37

If he does turn up at your flat, keep your door's locked and don't answer it; don't even speak to him. If he doesn't go or starts hanging about, call the police.
If you don't feel safe, is there anywhere else you can go for the weekend, or someone who can stay with you?

cjel · 08/11/2013 09:49

I'd also be tempted to say 'No I'm not back with ex but...' How dare he assume thats the only reason you don't want him?

kelly21 · 08/11/2013 10:11

tell him you are back with your ex if your worried about him turning up that should put him off

Blossomflowers · 08/11/2013 10:38

Do you have children op?

Joysmum · 08/11/2013 10:41

I agree with kelly21

JaceyBee · 08/11/2013 10:45

Just don't reply anymore. Let him think what he wants, it doesn't matter to you. Just stop engaging.

As for that lesson learnt comment, well, that's a misogynistic pile of crap! If you want a ONS then bloody well have one! It's not your fault he turned out to be a weirdo!

LEMisafucker · 08/11/2013 10:52

Wow - report him to the police, have the sick fuck banged up for the rest of his life, how DARE he have a ONS with someone, quite like them and then think that as she liked him enough to have sex with him one time, think that she might actually want to see him again - the very idea, freak Hmm

Come on OP - cut the guy some slack - just say to him, "look, i had a nice time but I realise now that I am not in the right place for anything more, please can you not contact me again" That should cut it, clear and kind.

Blossomflowers · 08/11/2013 10:52

But jacey from the OP original post she does not sound particularly happy about "getting in a state and bringing strange men back. No problem with ONS if you are happy with that arrangement. I am a bit Hmm with everyone going overboard calling to police wtaf, calling him a weirdo. She shagged him gave her number does not sound like she has been particularly strong, he probably is hoping for a quick shag this weekend, or maybe he really likes her. Do you have young kids in the house mummy* when shaggind these different blokes

Blossomflowers · 08/11/2013 10:53

crossed post LEM exactly

LEMisafucker · 08/11/2013 10:57

Don't get me wrong, i am all for a ONS, if it is clear that is what it is.

By all means go on a shag fest if this is what makes you happy, but don't do it to patch yourself up after the loss of a relationship, you will screw your self esteem into the ground. (i speak from experience - lots of it Blush)

Blossomflowers · 08/11/2013 11:02

Yes not being judgemental about ONS had few in my time Blush BUT there can be consequences.

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