Boyfriend says he wasts space...already!!

[superstarheartbreaker]

Been with bf for 5 weeks only. It's very passionate in the bedroom but also quite fiery out.
We have had a few lovely dates where I have felt that I'm falling for him and I have not said I loved him but I have said that I car etc, etc. In bed I said teasingly that I have been more mushy than him recently and he relied that he had deliberately not been so mushy back as 'he dosn't want to get hurt.' A phrase that he repeats frequently. He has been through a very difficult seperation with lost babies etc and had a few very intense relationships since. For some reason that fact that he has put a barrier up to my affection really upset me.
It was eating away at me as I feel that I am gving him my love but hewon't return the favour for 'fear of getting hurt.' We had a row about it today and he said that I was hard work and that I am trating him like shit and that he wants two weeks space. He says that he cares for me, dosn't want to keep me hanging on but can't cope with rows.
We don't see each other all the time, I don't call or text him all the time...I just feel that he has sensed that I'm falling for him and now wants out. Shoul I let go. He was lovely on the phone tonight and that the space might make us stronger but my head is all over the place. At this stage it should be all shagging 24 /7 and it is; we cannot keep out hands off each other but emotionally he dosn't want to invest it seems. He keeps going on about how beautiful I am but I have told him that it is the inside that counts. I want somene to love who I am. Pants.

Run for the hills and don't look back. Look after yourself this time.

Did his marriage break down recently and was it his choice? I'm guessing it was a while ago if he's had a few intense relationships since but it sounds like he has a lot of issues to work through in his mind before he can commit to a new relationship.

It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants at the moment and a 2 week break after a 5 week relationship doesn't sound too positive.

Am I reading a different OP to everyone else?

"I'm giving him my love but he won't return the favour"

Well maybe that's because he doesn't love you after only a few weeks? And it is moving to fast for him and he's trying to let you know that?

I cannot see what this man has done wrong, with all this talk of protecting yourself. Sounds like it's HIM that needs protecting!

I think the first three months of any relationship can set the boundaries for the next three years or thirty hers.
If you don't break out in a cold sweat at the thought of never seeing him again I wouldn't pursue it.

sparkly, he's the one talking about protecting himself.

The moving too fast might make sense, but that would mean seeing each other maybe once or twice a week not a whole two week break.
It sounds more like a punishment than going slowly.

Are you sure he doesn't just want a shag?
I'm not sure I like the sound of the few very intense relationships since his marriage break up.

I'd let go and tell him to go to the proverbial far side if he contacts you after two weeks.

Not worth the brain ache, OP. Bin him.

So is the OP and being told to protect herself by other posters too like he's doing something wrong.

I think he wants out and yes he should just tell you.

However the way you describe the relationship just sounds exhausting and if I feel that reading it, then it must be pretty full on being in it. I am not surprised he wants out.

OP were you really having a great time with him, what with all the fiery rows and stress about him not returning your love?

You seem to post a lot about your latest boyfriends and you seem to have lots of short relationships involving plenty of drama. I'm sure this can't be good for you. You must be all over the place.

It's not meant to be difficult. It's not meant to hurt.

If it does, fuck that, call it a day and move on.

You may have overwhelmed him and not given him space.

However, tell him you're giving him so much space from now on that he could sell it on ebay :)

Hth

Sparkly, I see it.

OP, it's 5 weeks in. You are falling in love with him. He is not falling in love with you and you can't make him. He is not ready for another relationship and from the sounds of things, neither are you.

Finish this.

If you want more commitment and he wants less pressure then it doesn't sound like this relationship is going to work out for either of you. If you're having trouble 5 weeks in, that's a bad sign!!

A relationship only five weeks old and you're having rows? That really shouldn't be the case. Sounds like you both need to deal with your 'baggage' before getting involved with other people.

Move on, deal with your baggage, start again with someone else.

You saying you found some of the controlling signs from your previous ex is enough not to pursue tip further. Avoid feeding the drama though - just let the two weeks go by, don't contact him, and if he contacts you say you've decided it's best for you both to let things drop. Dignity preserved.

Run a fucking mile love!

Actually, having redhead the thread, I think it's him that needs to do the running! 5 weeks... Really? This is very very needy.

Honestly I think I would be running a mile too if someone started talking love etc at 5 weeks!

I didnt say I loved him...I said I cared about him. It has been flawed from the start and im letting go. Will tell him tomorrow.

Think flawed in an understatement. Deffo best for everybody involved I think.

Have you ever had a long period in your life of being single? I'm talking at least 18-2 years. Worked wonders for me. Will really help you relieve baggage and choose men who are good for you.

Damn iPad.

*is an understatement.

*18 months to 2 years.

Ive been single for the best part of 10 years. Very badly scarred from an early relationship because my vegetarian boyfriend manipulated me into a vegan diet.It became an eating disorder , I eent down to 6 stone and nearly died. This guy is vegetarian so I was very concerned that he would try to convert me from the start. We went for a meal and said my lamb stank so off went the akarmn bells.to be fair he did apologize.
Tbh I often think im too scarred for a relationship again.

And have you had any counselling for these issues? Sounds like you might need a helping hand if you've had ten years and not much healing.

Im on the waiting list. My friend rekons I should go private.

I feel that this 2 weeks is a punishment. ..or am I being wierd? I think soace is very wise but it does feel very much like too hard work. Hes traumatized by his past...lost babies etc. I do feel for him.

Good on you OP. No advice on going private, but best of luck to you. You deserve so much more than this farce and mindset, and you're making positive choices to move past all this.