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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He wants ds one week on one week off.

42 replies

jellyjelly · 06/07/2006 19:25

x shithead of a partner has decided that he wants ds who is 3.5 one week on one week off. I really do not want this as i think it will upset ds and i dont think he is ready to meet the other woman as one minute we are getting married then daddy is naughty then not here.

OP posts:
kayleigh81 · 06/07/2006 19:36

ive followed your other threads and i cant blame you for not wanting him to have ds one week on one week off. I think a weeks a long time for your ds to be with some other woman that he doesn't know as well

Original poster
jellyjelly · 06/07/2006 19:39

I just cant believe it he seriously thinks it is a good idea. I want him to see ds but not that much.

OP posts:
kayleigh81 · 06/07/2006 19:40

have you told him that he can or can't have ds for that length of time? Your poor ds is probably confused enough without him taking him to another woman this early

Original poster
jellyjelly · 06/07/2006 19:44

Yes i said i didnt think it was a good idea and he just said it was fine. I said do you seriously think he can get ds to nursery for 8am and he said yes. He really intends to do it. It will break my heart. Her ds might go to live with them as well (depending on the courts) which i think will confuse him as xsh is here one minute then gone and ds thinks it is his fault.

OP posts:
poisson · 06/07/2006 19:44

i have mate who deos that
works fine

Kathlean · 06/07/2006 19:46

How often has X had DS when you were together? He cannot just start having him for whole weeks at a time. He needs to start with an afternoon (or evening). For a few weeks/months. Building up to a whole day, then a day and night and maybe then a weekend. This obviously will take a good few months to sort out (-:

You need firm contact arrangements that state he is NOT to introduce slapper to DS until you have agreed to it.

Keep a diary of any times he fails to adhere to the contact arrangements, any upsetting things DS says on his return etc.

How far away is X living? Don't forget in a year DS will be going to school and so it may not be practical then. No point to set up this sort of sharing arrangement if it will be impractical in the future.

Good luck (-:

Perigrine · 06/07/2006 19:46

Bad idea

glitterfairy · 06/07/2006 19:46

It can only work if you all get on but there is loads of research that says kids find it hard to have two homes and the courts dont like making this kind of arrangement if there is any doubt about it being practical.

Original poster
jellyjelly · 06/07/2006 19:48

He would come back very often just at his bedtime then when he was here he would be downloading on the computer often doing all weekend but would get up very early when he woke.

When we discussed this before he got the idea about one week on one off he said he would take his time with introducing. It seems serious with them and it is very clear that he doesnt have any thought about getting back with me at all or showing remorse or anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
jellyjelly · 06/07/2006 19:49

Do you have anything about this that i can keep as i think he will go to court for it.

OP posts:
nellie245 · 06/07/2006 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jellyjelly · 06/07/2006 19:50

He also said when i said about lots of other families having one weekend only like every other weekend that i should talk to them not him about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
jellyjelly · 06/07/2006 19:52

I am so glad i have supporters i am worried bout how much he want on the house 30k when there is only 40k equity and if he has him this much his maintenance goes down by 14% so might not be able to afford the mortgage even if i can get one. I feel like he is trying to win win and i just keep losing.

OP posts:
nellie245 · 06/07/2006 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzywuzzy · 06/07/2006 19:56

Jellyjelly have you seen a solicitor yet if not find one fast...

madrose · 06/07/2006 19:58

and record every conversation. Thinking of you and sending [[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]] your ex is a completed and utter wanker.

Original poster
jellyjelly · 06/07/2006 20:01

I dont know why 30k out of 40k he want to keep things amicable and it cant be at all. He is starting to play nasty and i didnt think he would. Am keeping the emails and dates of visit. He asked for keys todays for the house as we are awya next week but didnt have any. He also wont give me his address for his friends house for a postcard as he doesnt want him involved.

He doesnt want to involve the csa at all and keep things friendly.

He moved her into a bedsit today, how nice. He wasnt going to tell me about the custody but wait for the solicitors letter. Cant see one till after the holiday.

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 06/07/2006 20:02

have a look at this and this and this

The last link may be the most useful. Hope this helps.

glitterfairy · 06/07/2006 20:04

jellyjelly see a solicitor he sounds like an arse and frankly you need help. If you dont earn much you may be entitled to legal aid but please get help. If you have ds he will not be entitled to so much of the equity but you need advise and fast. Mine woudl be dont agree to anything at all but say lets see and then see a solicitor.

nellie245 · 06/07/2006 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jellyjelly · 06/07/2006 20:14

I havent agreed anything but needed to know what he wants. He even wanted 30p for the bus. I took all the change jars and changed them as he took 600 out of the joint account so i couldnt have much.

I only earn about 300 per month but need a job quick, i have given notice to my client so i cant find a better paid job.

He does seem to want to win and i feel we are being poisoined by her.

I have an appointment after the holiday as the one i called and booked an appointment had a conflict and told me the night before which was this week, couldnt find another one that would take legal aid and didnt have a conflict as he has a large family so must have used them before.

I feel so annoyed as we should be married by now and trying for another baby or have kept the one we lost but instead he is playing happy families.

OP posts:
wannaBe1974 · 06/07/2006 20:25

jelly I had a friend whose ex wanted similar and another friend of mine who is a family lawyer said that there isn't a court in the land who would grant that kind of arrangement because they like the child to have one stable home. With regard to the house is it in joint names? also how was the deposit etc paid - as you weren't married this may be relevant, i.e. if you both paid half the deposit each then the equity would be split 50-50 for instance.

Generally they will let the primary carer of the children have more equity as this is considered necessary for provision for the children.

I would seriously lodge a case with the CSA, even if he doesn't want them involved, he should be paying you 15% of his income towards maintenance for ds.

I certainly wouldn't give him a key for while you're away because you don't know what he might do. He could come in and take everything while you're away and then there's not much you can do about it. If you've already given him a key change the locks and tell him he can't have a key as this is your home and he gave up the right to it when he moved out.

And get a solicitor ... yesterday.

nellie245 · 06/07/2006 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poisson · 06/07/2006 20:27

well wnnabee thats shite as my mate does it with his tow kids
has worked finr for 5 years

nellie245 · 06/07/2006 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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