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Relationships

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Original poster

What is the normal level of texting in early stage of seeing someone?

28 replies

cleopatrathegreat · 30/10/2013 22:15

I have a pretty rubbish history of dating/relationships. I was wondering what the "norm" was regarding keeping in contact with someone via text in the early stages of seeing someone.

I ask because I have been seeing a new man for about 5 weeks. On our first initial dates we seemed to text every few days or so, taking it in turns to initiate a conversation.

He is a teacher and is on half term this week. I saw him on Saturday, I know he went home to visit his parents in another town from Sunday until today. I texted a couple of days ago, he responded (it was a "hi, how are you?" "yeah I'm fine" type of text). I have'nt heard anything back since. Because I initiated the last conversation, I don't want to seem clingy by texting him first again. I'm starting to feel a bit insecure because I have'nt heard from him. Am I just being a bit clingy/insecure/weird?

What would others expect at this stage of seeing someone?

OP posts:

SourSweets · 30/10/2013 22:18

I think you're over-thinking it. If you want to talk to him just call or text him! If he doesn't want to talk to you back then you know exactly where you stand.

SourSweets · 30/10/2013 22:20

And I don't know the answer to your actual question, sorry! I would say it sounds about normal, you're not swamping each other but not leaving it weeks either...

Ahardyfool · 30/10/2013 22:26

Don't think there's such a thing as normal frequency of texting. By now I'd be texting between every day to every couple of days I guess - more if having an exciting text chat, if I had to give an idea of average from my point of view.

The point is whether you feel you communicate with the frequency you feel is right for you.

If you feel you may be a little 'needy' you either have to accept that as the person you are and find someone who matches that well or address the issues that make you feel that way.

Bum answer to your question but that is how I see it.

humphryscorner · 30/10/2013 22:58

I would expect a text every day or at least every other day, five weeks in.

I once had a Bf who was toooooo busy to text me through the week, I later found out her had a wife 3 kids and another mistress! of course he was too fucking busy!

Me and DH got close very fast as we were so comfortable with each other, so we actually seen each other every day or near enough at the beginning, even if it was a quick coffee.

MistressDeeCee · 31/10/2013 01:30

In the early stages if there's interest it would be both texts AND calls. Never known it to be any different tbh, when forming a relationship. You want to hear each other's voices, chat about your day etc.

When you're in the new stages you can be on the phone with your man for 2 hours, then still later on get a 'goodnight darling' bedtime text from him.

Anything less seems a bit to casual to me. Why not just call or text him? At least then you may get an idea as to where you stand. But keep your options open as if you haven't heard from him then forming a relationship with you isn't a priority for him. & you're worth more than that...

LordPalmerston · 31/10/2013 02:38

If he's interested he would be texting more. Sorry.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 31/10/2013 02:44

He's on half term and visiting relatives, probably engaged in catching up with his mum and dad. And it's only been 5 weeks. Had you arranged to meet up on his return?

I would leave it until you hear from him when he gets back.

CogitoEerilySpooky · 31/10/2013 07:03

I'm also wondering why you don't just pick up the phone and have a conversation.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 31/10/2013 08:17

I think it's different for everyone, to be honest, so I don't agree with people saying if he's interested he'd be texting more. We are all individuals and all comfortable with different levels of communication. As a single lady on the dating scene - if someone wanted to talk on the phone to me for 2 hours every night I'd probably find it quite overwhelming and intense and it would put me off.

Do you have plans to see each other again?

LordPalmerston · 31/10/2013 08:43

No. He's not into you

Andy1964 · 31/10/2013 10:24

Texting was not invented when I first started seeing my DW. lol

dontyouwantmebaby · 31/10/2013 10:39

another one here who disagrees with those saying if he's interested, he'd be texting more.

some people are prolific at texting and use it as their main means of communication when apart; others do not. I agree with wally about leaving it till he returns.

Am also wondering if you'd set a date to meet again as that would have put your mind at rest and give you something to look forward to.

I'd be running for the hills - as would DP - if either of us expected 2 hour long phone conversations every night. We lived apart about 50 miles away from each other when we first met, we'd each 'check-in' by phone every other night, never for long conversations (unless it ended up like that, but was never expected). If we knew the other was busy (away on business/socially etc) then we'd let each other know we'd arrived safely etc but not loads of texts back and forward.

Hope thigns work out for you - you both need to be comfortable about contacting each other and find what works for you.

Jan45 · 31/10/2013 10:49

If I'm reading this right, you text him two days ago and got an answer and you're now worrying that he might not be that interested - really?

I can't believe some of the answers above saying he's not into you etc, what a load of bollocks, must be great to be able to look into a crystal ball lol.

Two days and you're worried, you really need to fill your time up with things, you're completely over analysing.

LordPalmerston · 31/10/2013 10:49

folks

its TEXTED

past tense

exhales

harvestwidows · 31/10/2013 11:18

erm the norm ? I'm not sure we messaged one another ever day and still do. Perhaps that's just us and could be considered OTT.

HerdyHerdwick · 31/10/2013 12:46

I would think, at this stage of dating, that a text exchange every couple of days is appropriate.
Personally I think that arranging actual dates is more indicative of interest levels than texting, for me that's a better measure of how interested or 'into' each other you both are. Do you two have your next date arranged? By that I mean a firm day and time?

ALittleStranger · 31/10/2013 13:19

After five weeks? I'd say every day is normal, and I'm pretty cool on the communication. But if your texts are "hi how are you?" it sounds like you don't have anything to say to each other anyway. Maybe this one has just run its course?

Poogate · 31/10/2013 13:42

Agree with HerdyHerdwick.

I've been dating someone for 5 weeks and we text every day, but not prolifically, and we certainly don't have 2hr long convo's as we're both too busy! I'm comfortable with the fact that he isn't into sending hundreds of texts back and forth on a daily basis, but that he wants to see me and takes the time to suggest nice things for us to do together.

If someone really likes you, they want to see you and spend time with you, so they will make an effort and arrange dates. I really don't think you can use the volume of texts sent and received as a barometer of someone's feelings because some people, ie. me, aren't big on texting.

fluffyraggies · 31/10/2013 14:19

Oh God. DH and i must be right nutters then.

By 5 weeks we were texting each other when ever we had a few minutes spare. Even in the middle of the night in case the other was awake Slushy romantic stuff plus practicalities like when we were going to meet up.

I suppose at least we were as daft as each other ...

Every one is different though. I agree text quantity cant be used on it's own as a measure of how well a relationship is going.

WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 31/10/2013 14:58

Without meaning to sound smug or put a damper on things. I have had some shit relationships where I have had all the same thoughts as you. However, as soon as I got with my bf, there were never any of those thoughts. If I wanted to text or ring, I did. He was the same. If I didn't get a response for three hours (rare) my first thought wouldn't be "he's ignoring me", it would be, "he must be busy".

I think I'm just saying while it sounds as if things are progressing well, you shouldn't feel anxious about who texted last etc. if it's right then those sorts of things won't matter.

Original poster

cleopatrathegreat · 31/10/2013 18:32

I still haven't heard anything from him. My gut is telling me that "relationship" (for want of a better word - perhaps fling?) has run its course. My gut feeling is that he has not got in contact with me because he's not that into me. I agree with what I think Wearing was saying that if he was "the one" then I would feel secure with the gaps in contact etc but the fact that that I feel insecure is telling me that there is obviously something about us that is not quite right. I'm a little bit disappointed but not heartbroken because its only been a short period of time that we have been dating. I'm more disappointed about the fact that I really wanted a relationship with someone and this one has not worked out. Plenty of fish in the sea and all that... I think irrespective of whether he had a really good excuse as to why he has not been in contact, I feel myself like the relationship has run its course.

OP posts:

LordPalmerston · 31/10/2013 18:50

agree
the right relationship isnt hard

Admiraltea · 31/10/2013 19:12

As a teacher I have texted nobody yet this half term including dp who I have realised just now haven't talked to for 2 days...(he's on nights so am sure hasn't noticed)

This has been my first 8 week half term in a fair few years and I am absolutely knackered.

2 days...not a lot IMO ....if it's bothering you just send a text??? Happy Hallowe'en....perfect excuse...

Kundry · 31/10/2013 19:39

When I was first with my DH it could just be a text once a week, and then mainly about where we were meeting. After seeing each other we might text about how much we missed each other. But that was it.

A friend got together with her DP at the same time and they sent each other thousands of romantic texts - they even printed them out as a book !

I felt a bit jealous at the time but heh, I wasn't sending the texts either.

Every relationship is different - too few texts can mean he's not that in to you, too many can be a red flag of an obsessional future abuser - or I can mean you have just the right amount of texts for you.

ManofMystery · 31/10/2013 19:58

As a guy I do think that everyday at the very least should be normal by this point. And a lot more exciting than 'hi, how are you?'! Either he is rubbish at texting or he is not bothered unfortunately.

If I am with someone and I can't wait to see her again, believe me, she will know about it! There is playing it cool and then there is just being confident and making your thoughts and feelings known. I don't see that as 'weak' in any way.

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