Camming/using Skype to watch porn

[babyotter]

Hello all,

Just got home from work and found Skype open on my DP's ipad (a message popped up onto the screen - I wasn't snooping). Thought it was a bit odd as I've never seen him use it. He was out (picking up our 15mo DS from nursery) so I had a look to see who was messaging. It was a girl's name, and one I didn't recognise, so I looked further...

You can probably guess that I found a load of contacts to random girls with pretty revealing member photos. Being a bit naive I thought maybe it was some sort of spam, but having looked through the chat history it is much more than that...

It would seem that every Thursday since I've been back at work (about 3 months and he does the childcare on that day), at about the time that our little boy is having a nap (around 1pm), he is on Skype having a bit of sex talk and 'camming'. He's changed his name, but the chat reveals it is him (location, age, job - he's a GP, that he is in a relationship but hasn't had sex in a while). I can't see what he's paid for, but is pretty obvious that he's been watching stuff from the chat.

As it is, we've not had sex for about 5 months. I am nearly seven months pregnant, and just haven't been feeling it (which I don't think it hugely unusual or unreasonable). We both go to bed very tired and he's always asleep within minutes, so it's not as if he has been rebuffed recently. I'd previously talked to him about my lack of sex drive and checked that he wasn't feeling neglected... he denied he was.

Anyway, I just don't know what to think. I know he has looked at porn in the past (I'd found on his laptop years ago and it pre-dated our relationship), and if it had just been a case of porn then I would have felt disappointed, but I could have come to terms with it. This just feels so much more like cheating. He's had one-to-one interactive contact with another woman. He knows my feelings about these things as my Dad did a similar thing to my Mum over 15 years ago (was a bit of a pioneer in internet cheating), and I didn't speak to him for years (there was more to it than that, but still, he should know better).

Sorry this is so long. Just have so many thoughts buzzing round my head. Apart from this he really is the most caring/considerate/loving partner and a wonderful father. He's home from work now and wants to know why I am quiet and withdrawn.

Any ideas how I should deal with this? Feel like I have lost so much trust and respect for him

x-posted.

For God's sake, do you really think that a doctor shouldn't be permitted to examine a woman's breasts for cancer just because he looks at porn?

That's an insane and incredibly offensive thing to say.

I personally wouldn't care how much my GP enjoyed porn....cam shows....etc etc as long as he was an excellent doctor....and refrained from his antics during my appointment!!!!

"who would deny that he has a problem?"

I would.

The only problem this guy has is that his wife has now found out about his true sexual preferences.

There is "helping" with that, although there is plenty of scope for bollocksology about sex addiction and being a victim of his own extraordinary vocation.

"unless there is a no-brainer like violence or child abuse."

Or a constant pattern of infidelity for the entirety of their relationship.

Or a belief that women are objects to be purchased for sexual gratification.

"do you really think that a doctor shouldn't be permitted to examine a woman's breasts for cancer just because he looks at porn?"

I certainly wouldn't want any man who looks at porn anywhere near my body.

I will make sure that I always choose a female doctor for breast exams.

Nor would I, Handbags

The op writes: I found a load of contacts to random girls with pretty revealing member photos. Being a bit naive I thought maybe it was some sort of spam, but having looked through the chat history it is much more than that

No, I would not be at all happy knowing that my GP was a heavy porn user who went on webcams for sex chat when his 1 year old baby was napping.

Porn-viewing professionals is perhaps a discussion for another thread?

Tee hee hee!!! at handbags eh? !!!

Heee!!!

!!!Oh how we laughed at the silly old ladies on here with their quaint ideas about heavy porn use and wanking when his baby is asleep!! !!fgs it's only a bit of wanking porn!!!

Is that a rough translation handbags and maypole ?

Yawn.

Horlicks calls.

Viv, I am intrigued by your use of 'professional'

can you expand?

(suspects another tin-pot theory)

Unlikely....many thanks for the compliment....however I am an "old lady" also I'm afraid. Obviously different views from your own but just different....not right or wrong ....an opinion. I expressed to Op how I'd find his timing most upsetting during childcare, pregnancy etc its absolutely dreadful and possibly I wouldn't ever forgive....On a personal level

However on a professional level...

It's just it doesn't make him a dreadful GP who shouldn't look at breasts etc!

Viv agree this is not what thread is about....

I think the professionals using porn discussion is becoming a bit derailing here and that would be a shame for the OP, who has said this is pretty much her only source of support.

OP, so sorry for you that this has happened. I think you're right to want him to show initiative in trying to fix this. It isn't impossible, although those posters saying how hard it is to rebuild trust are ones to listen to. But he has to understand what he is losing and be willing to make the drastic changes necessary to avoid that, if he really wants to.

Viv, I am intrigued by your use of 'professional'

Er, that a doctor is a professional. Tin-pot enough for you?

Mellow I agree ....and Op I truly apologise if it has offended you. Thinking of you x

Yep, sorry OP. There is some really offensive stuff on here now and I apologise for provoking it, albeit unwittingly. xx

Handbags wrote 'I personally wouldn't care how much my GP enjoyed porn....cam shows....etc etc as long as he was an excellent doctor....and refrained from his antics during my appointment!!!!'

I find that offensive.

Yes Amazon, in hindsight I agree....Hands up, particularly the last sentence could have offended and that is why I apologised to Op for any upset caused.

Hey, don't worry about the derailing. Was a distraction at least.

A lot of what maypole said resonated with me - I am also a doctor, and having been out with quite a few other doctors , there are definitely some very odd characters out there.

I also agree about the parenting thing - am going to turn it off - but it was quite therapeutic doing it in the first place.

We've talked and talked and talked. I am exhausted but starting to feel a bit more positive again. Thanks everyone.

I know what you mean about it being therapeutic, I'd have wanted to smash screens to smithereens.

Glad you are feeling better OP and really hope you can move on from this and emerge with a stronger marriage and a happy family unit.

Good luck with everything, especially your new baby. :)

I am so glad you feel more positive op.

I must say I agree with UA on a lot of this. Heavy porn use does affect the way men perceive women in everyday circumstance. I wouldn't like it if my GP was that fixed on pornography. But in the real world we don't have a clue.

I wish you all the best and every happiness op.

He's talked you round then OP.

See you back on here soon.

He's talked you round then OP.
See you back on here soon.

What a spiteful and projecting thing to say - and to a woman in her last trimester of pregnancy who is having a horrible time. Absolutely shameful. What are you trying to achieve? Are you affronted if someone doesn't want to follow your hysterical, man-hating LTB 'advice'?

I can remember being on these boards a long tme ago and someone posting that there were vultures on MN who circled hoping to feed on dying relationships.

I thought that was a bit extreme, but this seems to me to be a good example of that. But perhaps only to be expected from someone who said upthread that children are 'better off' if their dad fucks off out of their lives.

Just remember that in all that talking and talking and talking the chances are that he was lying and lying and lying.

You can't believe anything he says about this, as he has proved to you already.

Just because op's dh has a sex addiction of sorts does not automatically mean everything is over.
He has behaved appallingly and I suspect it will take an awful lot if work, upset and difficult times to move on. The whole Ltb is not always that easy or the right thing to do when everything us taken into account.
Op I hope you find the strength to get through the next few months. I went through a very difficult time with my dh after dc4, he did some very poor things (not unfaithful but selfish and of poor judgement). It has been a difficult road, but absolutely the right road. He has changed a certain part of his character and done some serious self reflection.
I hope your dh can truely see the hurt he has caused and do everything he can to save his family.

Mayfield you are talking utter shite and you know it.